Of Lies and Luxury
by GhostUndone
Summary: Rich and beautiful, they live the lives of the city’s most fabulous crowd. But it's hard to know who you can trust when surrounded by lies and luxury. Finally complete!
1. Chapter One: Rei

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Sailor Moon or Gossip Girl.

**Summery: **Rich and beautiful, they live the lives of the city's most fabulous crowd. It's Sailor Moon, inspired by Gossip Girl. Rei is back from boarding school and Usagi and the others greet her back into the life of extravagance. And of course Mamoru is lurking around too. AU.

**A/N:** Who doesn't love a little scandal??

**Chapter One: Rei**

I sighed irritably into my drink.

Streams of people wormed their way around me as I shuffled uncomfortably between them. People I hadn't seen in two years kept grabbing me, kissing me on both cheeks, and commenting on how thin I looked, like my mother used to. It came off as a compliment, but I heard the judgments hidden in their voices. They were all wondering why I was back, and they were all hoping it was some sort of scandal. I was too tired to care what they thought, even though my whole damn life revolved around keeping appearances, as my father liked to say. It was easy for him—second nature to a man who breathed and lived for his job. I saw him across the room, shaking hands with some of the richest families in the country, smiling his confident and chilling grin that he saved just for events like these. The idea that this party was in honor of my homecoming was laughable. It was just another excuse for my father to gather around the wealthy and make the right friends for his upcoming election.

At some point in the night I was handed a vodka martini, which I chugged effortlessly, thoughtlessly. It tasted horrible, but it was immediately followed by another. I knew this wasn't the time or party to get drunk, but I came tonight with a purpose – to completely forget everything I could about this day, month, year.

As I wormed my way towards the wet bar in the lounge I found it harder and harder not to run into people I recognized. I was used to their shallow compliments and small talk, but tonight was different. Tonight I couldn't handle it. Taking another drink into my grasp I noticed Mr. Kaido, my father's main assistant leaning up against a wall casually smoking a cigarette. For a moment our eyes locked and then I quickly turned away, shoving past people, trying to find a place to get some peace and quiet.

I found myself alone in our elaborate townhouse kitchen. I could still hear the chatter of party guests and clinking of wine glasses together swirling in from the other rooms. Being reminded of the life I was returning to only made my stomach twist into a knot. I had left this place after my mother's death to escape all the lies and deceit that surrounded a wealthy life. I wasn't even looking forward to seeing my friends I had grown up with, gone to the same private schools with, and partied with until tenth grade. I knew they would all greet me warmly and expect me to reciprocate, like the years of disconnect between us meant nothing. They meant everything to me. I wasn't the same girl I was two years ago.

I leaned my head against the cold, hard steel of the refrigerator and felt the hum of its presence consume me. It filled my body, my mind, and before I knew what was happening, I was crying. The tears wouldn't stop coming, even after I realized I was crying at a dinner party in my honor, on a Friday night, no less. I let my drink slip from my hands and spill into the kitchen sink, leaving long trails of clear liquid along the counter until it reached the brim of the sink where it pooled up before swirling down into the stainless steel pit.

"Rei."

The sound of a human voice jolted me from my state. I swirled around to find myself almost nose to nose with Mr. Kaido. My hand rushed up to wipe the tears away from my eyes, but Mr. Kaido caught it in his. Then slowly, he took his thumb and ran it softly under each eyelid, until it must have looked that my eyes were brimming to the top with tears.

"What are you doing in the kitchen? Why are you crying? Are you okay? Are you drunk?"

The words came too fast for me to digest. I didn't want to answer all of those questions. They all had responses I couldn't handle. Not tonight.

"Excuse me, please," I said roughly, pushing past him and escaping his grasp by throwing myself back into the atmosphere of the party. It was sickening to flash fake smiles at all my father's peers and rich business partners, but it was better than being stuck alone with Mr. Kaido, explaining the reason for my emotional outburst.

Suddenly I saw her.

She was standing and being kissed on both cheeks by my father, eagerly accepting his warmth and hospitality with a beaming smile. It was Usagi, and god, she looked as beautiful as ever. Her hair was carelessly pulled back into a loose knot, still pale and blond and gorgeous. She was dressed nicely, in a cerulean dress that fell to her knees, but it was still casual and flirtatious enough not to come off as conceited. My father was looking border-line jovial and making idle talk with her about who knows what. Even he couldn't keep his eyes off of her. It was like everyone in the room was drawn to her presence in the same stomach-churning way it always had.

I drew closer and heard my father say to one of his colleagues, "This is Tsukino Usagi, she's Rei's very best friend."

Usagi noticed me and caught my eye. I immediately felt uncomfortable and began fussing with my stockings, inching them slowly up my thighs and smoothing out the fabric of my dress. But I knew it was only a temporary delay in the eventual greeting and reuniting of my old friends, old habits, old life.

She said my name once, then twice. I finally turned my gaze upward and she was instantly hugging me, kissing me on the cheek and saying, "I'm so glad to see you again. I haven't talked to you in forever. We have so much catching up to do."

I nodded grimly, curling the corners of my lips upward. It was almost a smile. She breezed past our two years of no communication like it was a normal occurrence, like the fact she was too busy to write or return my calls was a careless afterthought to be tossed aside. I felt the familiar pit in my stomach return, the one that always nestled inside of me when I was suppressing my true feelings. I wanted to yell at Usagi. I wanted to tell her she couldn't possibly think I would be her friend after everything, after the easy disregard my friends had when my mother died, or the way they immediately forgot I existed the second I went abroad. I wanted to tell her there was too much between us, too many things unsaid, to ever be friends again.

But instead I hastily grab a drink off a nearby tray and swallowed the remains of the drink in one go.

"It's good to be back," I lied, grabbing a hold of Usagi's arm and escorting her towards the dining room, which was now filling up with the many rich people who were exclusive enough to be invited.

I saw Usagi's eyes flicker, perhaps sensing my true feelings, but she let it go easily enough. By the time we situated ourselves next to one another and were poured our first round of red wine, she was already chatting happily about all the things I had missed out on at school and of course, the parties. I let her melodious voice fill in the blurriness of my mind, already tainted by the bitter taste of alcohol, only half listening.

My eyes drifted over towards Mr. Kaido's spot next to my father at the head of the table. He was looking at me intently, his eyes dark and smoldering. For a moment I held his gaze, unable to be the first to look away, but I was distracted when somebody suddenly grabbed my shoulder.

"Rei!" came the voice from my left.

I turned in time to see another dazzling blond hovering over me, her eyes bright and face flushed with the lightest of pink. She seemed out of breath and absolutely ecstatic to see me, but I knew better than to take all of her emotions at face-value.

She was a good actress.

"Minako," I said softly, rising from my chair to give her a gracious hug.

"I've missed you," she said into my hair, hugging me tightly.

I didn't return the comment, instead biting my lip to stop all the words from tumbling from my mouth. Accusations flooded my mind. _If you missed me so much, then why didn't you try to keep in touch?_

Minako sat down to my left and started talking too fast for me to process.

"I can't believe you are back. I had to drop everything I was doing to rush over here. I walked out of rehearsal, can you believe it? Well, it doesn't matter. You must forgive me for being such a bitch and not calling you as much as I should, you know how things go sometimes right? Oh God, I'm so glad you are back. Now we can be just as fabulous as we were before you left. Back to skipping Art class so we can go take crazy photos in the fountain, and drinking gin while we watch old movies in your four-poster bed in the penthouse, and of course, getting into all sorts of trouble…Who else would help me cheat on my Latin tests but you?" Minako sighed wistfully as Usagi jumped into the conversation, recalling more memories of our fun together in the first years of high school at the private all-girls school we attended.

My two closet friends continued but I was no longer listening. The life they were describing seemed so distantly far from me. While I could remember each memory just as vividly as Minako described them, I almost couldn't stand it.

Suddenly my father tapped his wine glass and called all the murmuring to stop around the dinner table. He had an authoritative way about him, and everybody was eager to be in his good graces. With enough power and money to sway thousands, he always was one to win over a crowd.

"We're all here to celebrate the return of my lovely daughter, Rei," My father began, sweeping a hand gracefully in my direction. "While she enjoyed her time in boarding school, she couldn't resist returning to the city. But who would be able to?" and he chuckled. The others in the room followed his lead and a small patter of laughter swept over the room. My father continued, smiling slightly. "So help me raise your glasses in welcoming Rei, my beautiful Rei, home."

I looked around the table and saw all the cleverly masked faces raise their glasses in my honor. I resisted the temptation to throw up all the vodka swirling in my stomach just long enough to watch all of them turn back to themselves again, all whispering and laughing together, like the socialites they were.

I quickly got up and pushed my chair away.

Usagi asked where I was going but by that time I was already halfway out of the room. As I hurried my way towards the bathroom I came to an abrupt halt when I ran into a man hanging outside of the dining room, a glass of scotch held in one hand.

"Well, look who it is," he said somberly, setting his ocean eyes on mine. "Shouldn't you be in there with the guests? They're here for you, after all."

I barked a laugh at him, commanding the squirming in my stomach to wait just a bit longer. "Why are you loafing around out here alone, Mamoru? I thought you thrived off of this social bullshit."

He looked at me, his expression hard to read.

The swinging dining room doors opened, breaking the growing silence between us. It was Usagi coming to look for me, and her knitted brows instantly unfolded at the sight of me.

"There you are!" she breathed, a genuine smile forming on her lips. "I was worried."

Usagi seemed to suddenly notice Mamrou, who was leaning up against the whiskey cabinet, casually dangling his drink like it was a nuisance to hold. I didn't know if he tried to look so cocky all the time or if it came naturally to him, but it was absolutely irresistible to most women who met him. His charms, however, didn't seem to work on Usagi, who was still naive enough to disregard him as another rich man our fathers worked with and nothing more. But I saw the looks he gave her. Her careless attitude towards him was something that made his eyes spark to life, almost as much as their heated arguments. There was no disregarding the way Usagi commanded attention effortlessly. I often times watched her enter a room wearing nothing but an old sweatshirt and still instantly becoming the center of consideration, radiant and beautiful no matter what she wore. This didn't get overlooked by the population of males in our circle of friends, nor by our father's overweight and overworked business partners. It was just one of the many reasons I loved and hated to be Usagi's best friend: Her affects on men were so obvious to everyone but her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked bluntly, tossing a stray lock of hair behind her shoulder. I hated that such a natural action could look so goddamn perfect when she did it.

"Perusing," Mamoru said oddly, a smirk forming on his sensual lips.

I couldn't stand watching this. Not now. Not ever. It had always infuriated me that Usagi could so easily toss away a man like Mamoru when I had secretly pined after him since the first day I saw him in a moss-green, cashmere, V-neck sweater that fit him in all the right ways. He was devastatingly handsome, and not to mention off-limits, and I knew our relationship would never amount to the passion that erupted in the frequent bickering between him and my best friend

The same sense of panic I had been suppressing all night started to rise up in me again, and I immediately swirled around and headed towards my original path. I needed to throw up, if nothing more than to calm the anxiety mixed with alcohol bubbling in my stomach.

I couldn't come back to this.

I fell to the cold tiled floor of our pristine bathroom, my face hovering inches from the toilet. My stomach was entirely twisted, but I couldn't bring myself to submit to the sickness churning inside of me. It was just another weakness I had run away from, and now look at me. I was more inept at handling the surfaces of my life than I had been after my mother's death. Two years ago, I held my head high and proud, too haughty to wallow in the delicious despair for longer than necessary. And now I was falling apart. Why? Why couldn't I reach in and find the strength in me that once existed?

I heard a soft knock on the door and saw Usagi come walking into the bathroom.

"Rei," she said quietly. "Are you okay?"

I snapped my head upwards to glare at her, a type of contempt I never realized I had bubbling up in my chest.

"I'll be fine," I said absently, standing up to look at my reflection in the mirror.

"Come on Rei," Usagi said, "It's still me. You can talk to me. We know everything about each other."

I used my pinky to wipe a stray smudge of mascara under my left eyelid. "We used to," I spat, finally speaking the words that had been waiting to leave my lips since the instant I saw Usagi walk into my house. "How long has it been since we've even talked? The summer after last, maybe?"

Usagi looked down at her heels, seemingly ashamed. "I know. I'm so sorry, Rei. I suck."

"Well things aren't the same," I snapped, feeling a sense of power fill my senses as I saw Usagi stand before me dejected. "Last year… Last year was… different." I think her and I both knew I really wanted to say _last year was hard_, but I couldn't. Hard was such a weak word, a word admitting that I wasn't okay on my own. But then why was I so reluctant to return to my friends and the life we used to lead together?

Usagi began to say something but I interrupted her, once again forcing the sickening feeling from overcoming my stomach. "I'll see you back in there," I said and left Usagi alone in the bathroom.

**A/N:**

Next chappie will be in Minako's POV, I think. Review and let me know what you think.


	2. Chapter Two: Minako

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Sailor Moon or Gossip Girl.

**A/N:**

My "jolly good" readers,

I'm very very sorry it took me so long to update. The start of school was like a kick in the face. I won't even begin to tell you about my incident with the vacuum or how it was resolved. Let's just say hot glue, wire, vacuum hoses and steak knives don't work together.

Anyway, onward with the show!

Lurve,

Mels

P.S. I've decided to switch back to the Japanese names.

P.P.S. As a side note, all characters that are mentioned are actually part of the original Sailor Moon plot line. Although I seem to be combining all versions: manga, anime, PGSM, even Sailor V. See if you can figure out who everybody is ;-)

P.P.P.S. Warning for some mild swearing. Er. What I consider mild.

P.P.P.P.S. My print making teacher always says "jolly good" and I find it so hilarious I've started saying it now. So jolly good to you!

**Chapter Two: Minako**

It was a cool evening.

I found myself nervous to enter the building before me. It wasn't an all together intimidating building on its own, but I knew what would happen the moment I walked in those doors. There would be more yelling, more tears, and perhaps a few dramatic moments prompted by my extravagant tendencies. It's not my fault that I find so much enjoyment out of the drama.

It's what I live for.

The building itself wasn't too large. Traces of its history were worn on it's outside, which was mostly cement with high metal-framed windows. It still looked like the warehouse it had once been, although it had recently been renovated into a cutting-edge theater (funded, of course, by one my daddy's business managers). At the heart of downtown, it was the perfect location for an upcoming theater, although it was often overlooked by street viewers. Only on opening nights were people drawn to the lights soaring through the many skylights. On those evenings, we'd open up the large metal doors and welcome the public to the inner realm of the theater—into high lofted ceilings with dramatic views of the night sky, interesting art-grunge chandeliers made of metal and crystal, and blood red carpet lining a honey oak stage. Our plays were soon seen as a prestigious occasion, usually drawing large crowds of the richest socialites, our family members included. It was on those nights that I truly felt like I owned the city and every person in it.

Tonight, however, the building seemed uninviting and I felt alone.

I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Rei's number swiftly with cold fingers. I still had it memorized, even after all these years.

"Hello?"

"Rei, it's Minako."

"Oh."

"Hey are you doing anything later tonight?"I said quickly, trying to fill up the silence I knew would settle between us if i didn't keep talking. "We didn't really get a chance to have any fun at your party." Rei's reunion party hadn't exactly been what I expected it to be. Instead of a fabulous night out with my closest, rekindled friends, it had been a rich dinner party with too many old people out to kiss you on both cheeks and grope you in the process. Blech.

Like _hello_?

"I don't know." she replied.

I waited for her to say more but she didn't. "Oh, we'll that's alright. I'm sure we'll have tons of time to dish out the goss together at school. Everybody's talking about your arrival back home!"I gushed.

"Yeah, I guess they are."

Again I waited. I don't know what I was waiting for exactly. Maybe just to hear her say she was glad to be back, that she missed me, that things could be the same between us again. But instead all I got was an itching silence I couldn't bear.

"Well, you know you can always call me if you want to go out on the town. I'm your girl for prowling,"I insisted.

"Yeah."

"Okay. Well. Bye then,"I said and she hung up without another word.

I felt colder and lonelier than I had only moments before.

I thought about last night. I had heard the news about Rei's arrival only minutes before rehearsal from a breathless Usagi on my cell. It had completely thrown me off, rushing me with emotions I didn't know I had about Rei's return. I wondered why she hadn't called to tell me the exciting news, but then I realized I hadn't talked with her in a very long time. Had it really been over a year?

At the beginning of high school Rei and I were inseparable. But things had changed and she knew it, no matter how much I tried to hide it in front of her. It had left me with an unsettling feeling that I still can't seem to supress. That same feeling had made me blow-up at our director and storm out of rehearsal. Now I'd have to be adorable and charming to win him back.

Upon entering I called out a tentative hello to the people scattered across the large empty room, bracing myself for who I'd have to face. Most of them were hanging out on couches in front of the stage that we had dragged there during late night rehearsals. Others were hidden within the large empty rows of plush seating. Many times I had been one of them, sneaking off to lay on the dark red floor staring up at the skylights instead of practicing lines with the other actors. This place had been my refuge for an entire year, but lately I'd been avoiding it. Ever since that night with Yaten...

The second I dropped my bag into an empty chair the director was in my face. Everybody called him K, although I didn't know his real name. He was fairly well built, and had a strong jaw that always clenched when we got our lines wrong. A lot of people saw him as eccentric since he kept his hair long and white—a trait he swears he was born with. Sometimes his hair was wildly cascading down his shoulders or hastily pulled into a pony tail. I found his appearance rather appealing; It was his personality that was hard to get over. He was over-confident and forceful. Anybody who challenged him always seemed to lose due to his sheer stubbornness.

But I sure as hell wasn't going to lose to him.

"Minako, where the hell have you been?" he demanded.

The second the words left his mouth all my nervous and ill feelings evaporated on the spot. I had a challenge now, and that challenge was to win K back over to my side. Sure he was angry with me, but he couldn't stay angry forever, could he?

I sat down, crossing my feet up on the seat in front of me. I knew it gave him a startling view of my legs since I was only wearing a short charcoal gray skirt. I smiled as I watched K eye me, fully aware of what power I could possess over him. I blew annoyingly at my bangs and looked up at him.

"Mmm, what was that?"

"You know very well what that was. You think you can just walk out of rehearsal whenever the hell you feel like it? We've only got two weeks until opening night and you're pussyfooting and strutting around here like you own the place."

I decided not to mention that since my daddy funded this theater, I, uh, kind of did own it.

"Just relax, K. I'm here now, aren't I?"

"Yes, but now two others haven't shown up. That damn red-head I swear... If this keeps up we won't be ready in time for the show."

I tugged gently on his belt loop to stop his ranting. He seemed uncomfortable with the closeness of my hand but I ignored his warning glances. "Just sit down for a minute and chill out," I reasoned.

He looked from my hand to me, to my legs then back at my hand. Eventually I got the better of him and he sat in the empty seat beside me.

K ran his strong hands through his hair and sighed irritably. "It looks like rehearsal isn't happening tonight. I blame you. I'm still mad at you, you know," he said quietly, his eyes meeting mine.

I smiled my most winning smile and leaned in towards him. I let my lips play along the curve of his ear. "I know. But I also know you love me."

K continued looking at me, his steel colored eyes tracing the lines of my face and body. I didn't mind his obvious lusting after me. It made me feel good. K was the only person I felt comfortable leading on with confidence and charm and he responded in the most delicious ways. Of course, he was married and too old for me, but that didn't stop me from flirting with him. Maybe it was bad. I know it was. But I also knew there was a line between us that would never get crossed.

Or at least I hoped so.

My staring match with K ended when I saw the familiar flash of light-colored ponytail. I instantly jumped up to greet Yaten but by then he was already heading towards the back of the theater. In either corner rested two, metal, spiral staircases that swirled up towards the roof level. Yaten often times liked to be alone. I wondered why he even participated in the entertainment business if he valued his quiet time so much. It's true, most girls flaunted themselves around him, hoping he would be flattered by their devotion.

But I'm not like most girls. If I want something, I get it. It's as simple as that.

K looked after me and sighed. He knew what I was after and didn't even try to protest anymore. "Why go after him when you can just have me?" he would always joke. But there was something so desireable about Yaten. Ever since that night I couldn't get him off my mind. I needed to know if meant anything to him.

As I ascended the stairs, I saw his figure through a slanted skylight. He was hunched over the side of the roof, casually holding a cigarette in one hand although it looked as if it had merely been burning between his fingers. I watched the smoke curl up above his head, creating a hazy atmosphere around him. Something about Yaten always made me feel like I was viewing him through a fog.

"Hey you," I called out, causing him to glance over his shoulder in my direction. He didn't keep his eyes pinned on mine for more than a few moments.

"Oh hey," he replied flatly, finally taking one long drag on the cigarette and blowing all the toxic air out across the city lights.

I felt disappointed in his lack-luster greeting but forced myself to continue, determination fueling me. It had happened once between us. That had to mean something, didn't it?

I idled up next to him and reached across his body, intentionally letting my breasts press into him. I took a hold of the cigarette without asking and placed it between my lips, keeping my eyes locked on his. I don't think he noticed that my hands were trembling. His gaze remained fixed towards the city below us, but I could see the flicker of light hit the curve of his eye. I imagined that his eyes always lit up at the sight of me, that he secretly wanted me as badly as I wanted him. In the movie of my mind, he was already mine.

I took one long inhale and let the calming drug fill up my head. I didn't like smoking, really, but sometimes it did help me unwind. Being around Yaten made me so fucking wound up I needed all the help I could get.

Again, Yaten wouldn't look at me, even after I handed him back his cigarette.

"So, how's it going? Are you ready for the play?" I asked casually, trying to make him show some reaction to me… any reaction.

"Ah, you know," he said without answering anything.

"Yeah."

Silence filtered in around us and all I could hear was the remote sounds of the city. God, I wanted him.

"It's chilly out here," I said, inching towards him so our arms were brushing. I thought about how smooth his skin was, how it would feel to dig my fingernails into it. I thought about how soft his lips were.

"Hm," he muttered.

Desperate to keep some sort of communication going I continued. "Do you want to go out and do something maybe? I know a great little sushi place… It looks like rehearsal is a bust for tonight anyway."

He took one last drag on his cigarette before flicking it away towards the pile of old cigarettes in the corner. It rested there, like it was waiting to be buried in its grave before finally being put out. The careless way in which he tossed his cigarette made me feel like he was throwing me away too; I was the unneeded drug he used up then discarded with the others when he was through.

"I've got things to do already. Sorry." Then he turned to go.

I felt myself sinking through the roof, little pools draining me away until all I had left was a burrowing pit in my stomach.

"It's alright. Maybe some other time," I called out as he disappeared behind the frame of the door leading back downstairs.

I knew the tears were already flooding my eyes and I did nothing to stop them from forming. The cold air enveloped me into a chilling existence, where even the wetness on my cheeks seemed far away from me, like I was numb from the inside out.

Rei had blown me off and now Yaten hadn't even looked at me…

I distantly heard my phone ringing. I grabbed for it absentmindedly and hastily looked at the number flashing on the outside. Even through blurry eyes I could see the three letters luring me into their hold. All thoughts of Yaten and Rei seemed to vanish from my mind as I stared blankly at my phone, wondering if I should pick it up. How did he always seem to call when I was feeling my worst? When I had no strength to say no to him?

I knew I should have ignored his call, but I answered anyway.

"Yes?" I asked warily.

"Minako," he said, my name so comfortably coming from his lips. I could almost taste their rugged response, the way they seemed to purr against mine… "Come over."

"It's late."

"Well, I've been bad and there is no rest for the wicked."

I took a deep breath, willingly letting the question seep from my mouth even though I knew better. "Shouldn't you be with your girlfriend?"

The reaction was instantaneous. I could tell bringing up his girlfriend was something that made him cringe. Our relationship was supposed to be separate from theirs. I was the girl he could turn to in order to get away from her. "Ah, goddamn Minako, why do you have to ruin all the fun?"

I let the silence fill up between us, taking in one shaky breath after another. "Well?"

"She just left, okay? We won't get caught."

"I… I don't know…"

"Minako, I want you," he said abruptly, interrupting all my other cautious thoughts. I didn't respond so he continued. "I know I shouldn't… I know you said you were through with it. But I can't stop. You're addicting. You just taste too goddamn good…"

"Don't…" I pleaded softly, already knowing I would end up in his arms.

"Come over and teach me a lesson."

Despite the knot in my stomach, I felt a small smile curl along my lips. I couldn't resist him either, and he knew it.

"Okay, Ace," I said, whipping any stray tears away from my face. "I'll be over in a few."

**A/N:**

I never seem to read many fics about Ace, so I thought I'd give it a go. Ahhh Minako. So many boys, not enough time for any of them. Silly girl. Next chappie in Makoto's POV. Or maybe Ami... hmmmm. Let's take a vote! Please review and let me know what you think.


	3. Chapter Three: Ami

**Dislcaimer:** I don't own Sailor Moon or Gossip Girl.

**A/N:**

Hello everyone,

Ch-ch-check it out! I'm updating and you should be happy. In fact, you should be doing cartwheels. Because let's just face it... you all lurve me very much. And my witty charm. And my rather attractive knee caps. And my wondrous way with writing ridiculous things. Er. 

Oooookay, moving on. So, my plan is to put all sorts of SM characters together. Don't start freaking out if your favorite couples aren't together right away... I'll take bets on who you think will end up together in the end. Although I guess this chapter isn't really about couples...

Keep reading mmmkay? Spread the Sailor Moon goodness.

Lurve,

Mels

P.S. I had a real hard time writing an Ami chapter, so lemme know how I did. I guess I've never really written from Ami's perspective before. Next chappie should be a bit easier (and therefore posted quicker) I think.

**Chapter Three: Ami**

"White mocha, please."

The air outside was cold. It was about 8:00 in the morning and I was waiting in the same, small, coffee shop I had been coming into each morning since Freshmen year. It was situated only a few blocks away from my all girls prep school, which is why it had become the ideal meeting spot for me and my friends. We had been coming here ever since Minako had declared we were old enough to drink coffee and should start the process of becoming mature and sophisticated adults. And it happened just like that. Four years later, my friends and I still ordered our coffee, sat at the same table and walked together to school every morning.

It's our little ritual.

The guy behind the cash register was grinning stupidly at me. I instantly turned scarlet and handed him my credit card, trying to hurry up the process of getting my mocha. It always made me feel uncomfortable when people stared at me. Especially men. I have a tendency to break out in rashes when I get extremely anxious.

The man kept staring and ignored my credit card.

"You're that girl," he said.

"Pardon?" I yelped, suddenly aware that everyone in the line behind me was watching the scene unfold. I darted my eyes around the quaint, coffee shop in hopes of spotting one of my friends. But of course I was early and they hadn't shown up yet. My grip on my credit card became tighter as I tried to remain cool and collective.

"In that painting. By that famous guy. You're that girl."

His details were vague but I suddenly had the heavy feeling that he was talking about my father. Last I heard from him he was off on some small island in the Caribbean, painting and working out his inspiration. As far as I knew he hadn't painting anything that resembled me. He couldn't possibly be back in the city, could he? "Uhm, I'm sorry. But I really have no idea what you are talking about."

The guy continued grinning at me in a loopy way. He said, "Well, you are much prettier in person."

I dropped my credit card on the counter with trembling hands and blushed furiously. "Thank-you," I managed.

The man behind the counter finally took my card, smiling at me with his eyes. I didn't dare keep my gaze pinned on his for longer than necessary. I couldn't quite shake the feeling about my father. Even after I was handed my hot drink and I breathed in the familiar aroma, calming my anxieties about men and college and friends, my stomach remained in knots.My father wouldn't return without telling me first. He wouldn't. I was sure of it. I had to be sure of it.

I suddenly spotted Makoto come rushing in through the front door. She was carrying around a rather large purse and was still wearing her sunglasses. Several heads turned to watch her enter, but their glares were all discarded. I felt special to know that the only person Makoto was waving at was me of all people. I settled down into the plush seats surrounding our table and pulled out the newspaper. I wasn't a big one for reading the tabloids but I did like to stay informed. Plus, you never knew when one of my friends would be in the headlines. I tried not to look up at the man behind the counter but every time I did he was grinning in my direction.

"That guy is totally into you," Makoto said as she came to sit by me, two cups of coffee in either hand.

"He is not," I insisted, quickly adverting my eyes from his dark gaze. I tried to concentrate on the words written in front of me, but they all seemed to swirl together.

"There isn't any shame in that!" Makoto crowed, lifting up her sunglasses and sending me a significant look. "You deserve to have some fun. You've been stressing about college so much lately."

I noisily turned the page of my newspaper, burying my nose in its folds. "It's important that I get into a good university," I said breathlessly. I peeked out from behind my wall of protection and saw Makoto roll her eyes at the familiar words. I had said that same phrase so often it was beginning to sound tired even to me.

"We've got the best connections in the country. I don't think they are going to deny you a very privileged spot in a very privileged university," Makoto laughed, stretching out her long legs on the small table between us. She was wearing the short pleated skirt we had first acquired in seventh grade. By now it was terribly too short which, of course, was the entire point.

I let Mako's words roll in my mind for a moment and then dove once more under the cover of my newspaper. It wasn't easy for me to accept what she was saying. Nothing about fame and wealth was easy for me. Makoto and Minako didn't seem to mind flaunting their new designer bags to everyone, but I had always preferred to remain separate from the money my family made. It wasn't simple for me— to fit into an extravagant lifestyle, to have people constantly knowing what was going on in my life, to be at mercy of the social rules that guided my actions. The people our families surrounded themselves with were never genuine. Lies and deceit were a game, fabricated out of sheer amusement from our rich acquaintances.

If it's one thing I hate, it's being unsure of what to believe. Like about my father...

I shook my head, trying to erase my last thought. He wouldn't. He couldn't.

The door of the shop opened sending a wave of cool air over towards our corner. I looked up and saw Minako, rushing through carrying several large bags and looking breathless with red eyes.

"Stay up late?" Makoto cooed as Minako pulled up a chair to our small table and grabbed her coffee from Makoto.

"Maybe," she replied, instantly pushing the coffee lid to her lips. I knew her quick refusal to spill the latest gossip of her life would be short-lived. Sooner or later Minako would dish out every last drop of information she had, regardless of its accuracy.

I eyed Minako warily across the table. She shuffled around through her bags, blowing at her bangs as they hung loosely in her face. Finally she found her precious black berry and began punching away at it, clutching it with one perfectly manicured hand while the other threaded through the tousles of her hair. I noticed the dark quality in her eyes as she scanned through various text and emails on the screen. Ever since she had started acting in the plays at her father's theater this year, she had seemed more distant and tired than usual. I often imagined her staying there for all night rehearsals with her new drama-friends and then going out into the early mornings to party. She had been missing more and more school lately and didn't seem remotely interested in studying for our entrance exams into university.

It was quiet a few moments as Makoto and I exchanged glances. We both had looks of mild concern across our faces, but it was disrupted when Minako began talking once again. She looked up, dropping her blackberry into the depth of one of her bags and picked up her coffee. "God, I can't stand Yaten anymore. He's become such an asshole."

I was used to the usual rants Minako had about the many guys she was interested in. However, talk of Yaten always seemed to spark my interest because he was friends with a tall, dark and handsome young man named Taiki...

"What did he do this time?" Makoto sighed, lazily swirling the contents of her coffee cup with her straw. We both knew what was coming now, and it was something that Minako loved to do. It was time for her morning monolog, filled to the brim with all the latest drama of her life.

"Well that's just it," Minako began, "he hasn't _done_ anything. He can't just fuck around with me like that. One second he's affectionate to me, which by the way, makes my entire fucking body wound up like a spring. He'll call me over to some corner with him and whisper secrets in my ear that make me shiver in his closeness...Then it's like _hello_? The next day he's ignoring any comment I make and avoiding eye-contact with me," Minako paused dramatically before continuing. "I can't take this. Does he think he can just love me and then leave me behind? And I don't even want to think if he's out with any of those other fucking girls that follow him around like a pack of fleas." She crossed her legs and impatiently tossed her hair behind her shoulder. I smiled to myself, noticing the obvious attention she was seeking from everybody around us. It was like a game to Minako and she played it well. I was actually relieved that I had someone like Minako as a friend, because then all eyes would be set on her, instead of me.

"God Minako, why don't you just give up on him?" Makoto said through a forced and bitter smile. "He's messing around with you and I don't like it."

"Don't get all parental and protective on me, Mako," Minako said hastily, sitting up and straightening out her blue blazer. She sported the same skirt that Makoto and I both wore, but she always refused to tie the over-elaborate bow around her collar. Instead, it hung draped around her neck, like a calling card for anyone and everyone to steal a peak at her cleavage. "It doesn't bother me that much."

A lie, of course, but Minako hid her true feelings well.

Makoto decided to drop it, knowing that Minako's sheer stubbornness was never easy to conquer.

I followed Minako's lead and grabbed my bag, smiling to myself again. Minako and Makoto had the same conversation about boys every morning. The stability in our friendship made me feel good. The three of us headed out into the bitter cold of early fall morning together, taking our time to tackle the uphill trek towards our school.

"So, did you hear about Rei?"

The question caught me off-guard, especially since it had come from Makoto's lips. Minako made a strangled noise into her coffee.

"I haven't heard anything," I said taking another gulp of my hot drink to warm me up.

"Well, she's back."

"Back in Japan...?"

"Back in Japan, back home, back to our school," Makoto finished, looking somewhat smug to be dealing out the dish when Minako hadn't said anything.

"What happened to boarding school?" I asked, looking over towards Minako to see her reaction. She kept her face hidden towards the traffic on the streets beside us, not saying a word.

"I guess she didn't like it much. And being away from her family and all, ever since her Mom..."

Makoto didn't finish. I pulled my expensive, white, wool, pea coat closely around me, suddenly feeling a shiver creep across my neck. I still had fairly vivid memories of the time period surrounding the funeral. It was the first time I had seen Rei cry...ever. The controversy and scandal that surrounded her mother's death was a swirl of biased-media claims and outrageous paparazzi photos of a broken political family. Most of them said Rei's mother died out of neglect from a husband who had too many sexual affairs to count. Some even went so far to say that Rei wasn't her mother's child. Rei and her father had remained stone-faced and professional all through the claims and trials revolving around the death. Not shortly after, Rei packed up all her things and left for boarding school, without so much as a hasty goodbye. Hearing that she was back brought up a realm of questions I begged to ask.

But suddenly I was startled out of my deep thoughts when I noticed a reflection in a shop window. I quickly turned around to see that across the many busy lanes of traffic sat a bus with my face on it. Yes, my face: The same short-cropped hair. The same three, familiar studs in each ear. The same round cheeks and small, hidden smile. The same blushed tint across painted, exposed collarbone. And written in the sloppy handwriting of my father were three words.

"Ami, of depth."

Obviously, an advertisement for his latest show.

"Oh my God Ami! It's you!" Minako cried.

Her comment was completely unneeded. All it did was make me break out into a furious anxiety. My father was back. Not only was he back in Tokyo, but he had painted a startling life-like and semi-inappropriate picture of me and plastered it across the entire city. How could he do this to me? How could he not return my phone calls for six months and then pop out of no where to do this?

"Let's go," I said, walking briskly away and trying to hug my wool coat closer and closer to me to resist the urge to start scratching any inch of my body.

"Ami, you're a celebrity! I can't believe this! A whole show about you? Who could possibly have done this?"

Minako's words were lost in the swirl of heat that surrounded my face. "Can we just drop it?" I mumbled.

I quickened my steps up the hill but with sinking dread I realized I was just quickening my pace towards the one place on earth this wouldn't get dropped. This was the news my classmates lived for. It would fester in the halls at school like a word caught in a wildfire. Soon everybody would be talking about it, pointing at me, wondering who painted these images of me. Because of course, nobody knew about my father. My father had been out of my life since I was a young child. Most people assumed he had run off with another woman, or been killed in some terrible accident. Nobody in our elite circle knew the strange man who came around once every few years to take me out to dinner was my father.

We walked through the gates of our school and I likened the clusters of girls all whispering and laughing together to that of the swarming of ants all heading back to their hill with the freshest meat in their tiny, pinched claws.

I don't know how I made it to the assembly hall without breaking out into hives. The only saving grace I could see was found in the backwards hunch of a certain ebony-haired senior.

"Rei!"

She turned around and I was startled with the sadness in her eyes.

The three of us bombarded her with hugs and kisses on the cheek, and she returned them with the same rigid formality she always had. It felt good to see her again. Better than I had imagined. Being around Rei and indulging in the good feelings of reuniting with an old friend allowed me to forget, for one moment, that my father or his exhibit even existed.

We all shuffled into our spots in the back of the auditorium, laughing and talking with one another. I watched with knowing eyes as Rei made curt responses to each of us, never really relaxing into the casual familiarity of it all. I was instantly transported back to Freshmen year, when we had all entered the same auditorium together, nervously awaiting the first morning announcements of high school. But back then, we had one more in our party...

"Quiet down girls! Settle. Settle DOWN!" The headmistress's eyes flashed across the auditorium directly towards the senior section, which was always the most rowdy and loud. After a few more minutes, the quiet hum of 600 girls all waiting attentively filled the entire room.

"You know," Minako said slyly, slouching down in her chair and nudging me in the ribs, "All these girls are just dying to get out of here so they can talk about _you_."

"They are not..." I whispered.

"And Rei's return, of course. Want me to take bets on who gets talked about more today?"

I shot Minako a stern glare, and she raised her eyebrows playfully in my direction.

The headmistress began the usual announcements, including all the hype that surrounded the exams to get into university. As if the stress of this morning wasn't already enough, I had almost forgotten that this week I was meeting with some of the top representatives of Tokyo University for an interview. I felt the palms of my hands turn cold almost instantly.

"And remember girls," the headmistress continued in the drawl she reserved especially for the seniors, "We expect only the best from you." Her smile was grim, and her eyes suddenly picked up a fire. I knew what came next would be a threat none of us should challenge. "So, if any of you represent our school poorly, there WILL BE CONSEQUENCES."

An icy silence seemed to filter in across the 600 heads of the auditorium.

Except for one.

The doors of the auditorium suddenly flew open, banging loudly on the walls behind them, and all faces turned to see who could so boldly enter in the middle of announcements.

"One guess who that is," Minako boasted, stifling a giggle.

In ran Usagi. She was wearing a large caramel trench coat that fell to the floor and the same scuffed brown boots she had been wearing since last year. But somehow, even as she quickly untangled her overly long scarf from around her neck, she looked radiant. The pinkness that flushed her face from the quick dash to school, the startling size of her enormous, blue eyes, the golden spotlight that seemed to encircle her entire frame made it impossible for any of the girls to look away. We were all wondering the same thing. How could Usagi look so beautiful after sprinting fifteen blocks to school?

"Usagi," the headmistress growled through the microphone, and all students immediately turned back towards the front of the auditorium, scared of what she might say next. "Please take a seat."

"Sorry!" Usagi called out, her voice competing with that of the headmistress's. I watched the way the headmistress flinched at such a response, said so casually, like disrupting her important speech was of no concern. But Usagi scarcely seemed to notice the headmistress at all. She was currently weaving her eyes in and out of the hundred or so seniors that occupied that last rows of the auditorium. Usagi noticed that her seat was currently occupied by Rei, and with a tiny pout she headed down the aisle of seats and settled herself next to an underclassmen in the tenth grade class. The girl next to her almost fainted out of sheer delight to be next to Tsukino Usagi.

"Well, she hasn't changed," Rei said darkly. I turned to see that Rei's eyes were in venomous slits aimed in Usagi's direction. The headmistress continued the drone of her lecture, but I was lost in trying to read the emotions I saw trapped behind Rei's eyes. The expression on Rei's face worried me. I suddenly had rushing doubts that the coldness Rei had been showing all morning wasn't the same as I had remembered. Sure, Rei had always been cool and indifferent, but she had never actually been spiteful before, had she? Was the feeling of contempt on Rei's face really for Usagi?

I didn't know. I didn't know if I wanted to know.

With friends like ours, you could never really tell who was being honest with themselves. Or with you.

**A/N:**

Next chappie as Usagi. I think. We'll see.


	4. Chapter Four: Usagi

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Sailor Moon or Gossip Girl. 

**A/N:**

Friends and fans alike,

Miss me? I sure did.

Don't worry everybody. We'll get to the juicy stuff when it comes to Usagi soon enough (i.e. boys, boys, boys!). Have some faith in my luuuuurve for all things lurve-related. As a warning, this chappie is a bit on the serious side... but I promise things will get brighter. Please review... I love reading them so much! Just like I love you all so much. And no, I'm not just saying that to bribe you into reviewing.

Lurve,

Mels

**Chapter Four: Usagi**

I yawned.

God I was bored. The headmistress was going on with morning announcements, glaring in my direction. She was still wearing that ghastly, khaki, plaid pant suit she has been sporting for the past four years. Her chin still jiggled with each new roar of disapproval in the same nauseating fashion as always. And she still had that same distinct distaste for Tsukino Usagi, despite my many efforts to get into her good graces. Didn't she have more important things to worry about than me? Like rolling over some freshmen with her massive chins, perhaps?

So maybe I was constantly late. And yes, I was out of uniform 9 times out of 10. And okay, my grades weren't exactly in tip-top condition. But wasn't my enthusiasm for life enough? She really can't complain about my BCBG scarf either. Who, in their right mind, could complain about something as fabulous as that?

The headmistress was still looking at me. I glared in her direction and stuffed my scarf into my messenger bag, letting out a defeated sigh. Some battles you just can't win, especially, it seemed, if they involved trendy scarves. I leaned back in my chair, trying to relax the uneasy quality running in my mind. Then I crossed my eyes, letting the lights in front of me blur together. The quiet patter of voices that filtered around me seemed to float away, creating a distant hum I couldn't quite focus on. Every now and then a word would drift into ear shot.

"So hot."

"New trench?"

"Usagi."

"Usagi."

"Usagi."

I didn't want to listen to them, to all the gossip being passed from one ear to the next. Instead I continued crossing my eyes, watching with amusement as my world altered in front of me. With a blurred gaze the headmistress seemed to melt together, looking more like a khaki blob than a principal of a very prestigious school. Even though she held the key towards my future success, what she said was of little concern to me. My head was clouded with too many other things, especially a nagging feeling that something just wasn't right.

There was a buzzing at my hip and I immediately flipped open my cell phone. I wiped my eyes, trying to refocus them on the words illuminated on my screen.

"Did something happen between you and Rei? —A."

I hastily snapped my cell phone shut, trying to forget what I had just read. My mind seemed to instantly fog over, leaving me with dull pangs of guilt that seemed to nestle in the smallest crook of my stomach. I knew right away that my restless mind was all centered around this one topic and with each increasing moment it reeled up on me like a tidal wave. The quiet hum of gossip in the auditorium seemed to suddenly become the only thing comprehensible to me. It was getting louder and louder, pressing in around me. And it wasn't my name I was hearing being swapped from mouth to mouth. It was hers.

"Rei."

"Rei."

"Rei."

Did something happen between Rei and I? Yes.

But it wasn't that easy.

Seeing the question stated so bluntly made me realize I didn't have an answer I liked. Two years of our friendship had been lost. We had drifted. We had changed. This much I knew. But until that very moment, I hadn't realized there was an actual, existing problem. Ami had figured it out. She knew something was wrong within the first few minutes of being with Rei. Was it that obvious to everyone? To everyone but me?

Another vibration alerted me to a new message on my phone. This time, it was from Minako.

"Omg, I can't believe you came in late like that. That girl next to you is going to faint! —M."

I turned to see the girl on my left who was, in fact, trembling and looking up at me with giant brown eyes. She seemed startled to have me staring back at her and when she spoke her voice came out as a dry rasp.

"H-h-h…h-hi."

I smiled warmly at her. "Hello."

There was a small explosion of whispers behind me as the girls in the tenth grade class all started rehashing the details of what they just saw. I tried to ignore them and instead turned back to my cell phone, pondering whether to respond back to Ami or not. Another message was already awaiting me.

"I'm still thinking about you… Meet me at lunch? —S."

I unconsciously slouched down in my seat, feeling a pink heat creep across my neck and face. A collection of memories surfaced under my mind, some only a few hours old. It felt wrong to be thinking about them— about him, especially here. Especially now.

There was a large murmur that erupted in the auditorium and I realized that morning announcements were over and I hadn't heard a single one of them. I quickly grabbed my bag and high-tailed it out of the auditorium, leaving the crowd of whispering tenth graders behind. Minako instantly found me out in the foyer and linked arms with me.

"So why were you late this morning? Staying up with a certain dark-haired fellow…?"

I laughed, trying to dismiss her accusation despite it being true.

"I wouldn't do that," I hummed, pushing past her towards our classroom.

There were groups of girls all milling about in the halls, idly eating up what precious time they had left before class began. Usually, I would be one of them: Laughing with Mako in the halls, making funny faces while we switched sunglasses, or quickly running over review notes with Ami as she drilled content into my head before a test. But this time I found my seat promptly, trying to dismiss Ami's heated gaze from across the room. Her questioning eyes were asking me to respond to her, but I didn't know what to say.

Did something happen between Rei and I? Yes. Yes. Yes.

I realized quite suddenly that Rei had taken a seat next to me. I turned towards her, looking at her with expectant eyes. Rei was playing the role of my Best Friend, taking the prized seat only she could claim without questions. That was her place—next to me. Everybody in the room still saw us as the troublesome duo we had been at the start of high school. Sure, we would bicker, but it was never serious. Rei and I still had to be Best Friends, right?

"Rei! I still can't believe that you're back!" I gushed, purposely playing it up to mask any uncertainties I had about our friendship. "I'm sooo glad."

Maybe I had made all this up. Maybe the almost-argument we shared at her reunion party wasn't a sign of her inner anger towards me. Maybe we could smooth this all out with the normalcy of high school chatter.

Rei turned to look at me, a resentful smile plastered on her pretty and pale face. "Me too." Then she paused before bitterly spitting out the word, "_BFF_."

I felt my insides turn cold.

Did something happen between Rei and I?

I grabbed her wrist and her startled gaze met mine.

"Come with me, Rei? I think I left something in the auditorium."

She narrowed her eyes, curiously searching my expression for a hint of what I was really getting at. But she complied anyway, quietly standing up and straightening out her blazer. Then she trotted out into the hallway as I followed quickly behind her. There were only a few girls left outside of class. The hallways seemed empty, and I felt alone as I ambled through them next to my Best Friend for the first time in two years. Rei and I walked to the auditorium in silence, the only sound being the resonating echoes of our footsteps. We opened separate doors into the auditorium and quite suddenly I felt very small in the large, empty room.

Rei's voice awoke me from my spell. "Yes?"

I turned to look at her and realized that I was gripping both hands into tiny fists.

"Rei I feel really bad…"

"Oh? Do you?" Her voice was light and airy, mocking me.

"Yes. I do," I said forcefully, holding down my inner doubts. "I feel like I've been a bad friend to you."

"A bad friend? Really? Why would you think such a thing?"

I flinched at her harsh words. She wanted me to admit what I had done and she wanted it in detail. But what had I done, exactly?

Did something happen between Rei and I?

I opened my mouth to say something, but I couldn't find any words. Could there really be enough words, or the right words, for such a moment? I wanted to tell her I was sorry. But somehow, sorry didn't seem like it would be enough for Rei.

I took a breath, then another. This wasn't going to be easy for me.

The silence fell on us heavily. I stuffed my fists into the pockets of my trench coat and bit my lip. I looked down, unable to keep my eyes on her anymore. We both waited. We both wanted to say things. But only Rei was brave enough to speak.

"I wrote to you—" her voice was broken, like she was holding in tears. It pained me to hear the forced composure in her voice. I wanted to reach out to her, but instead I buried my hands even farther into my pockets. "I wanted to tell you about my…about my father. How cold he had become. How he couldn't even look me in the eyes anymore. I wanted to tell you that I was lonely in Europe, ripped away from everything familiar to me, everything I had once loved. And how hard it had been…yes…hard…because I missed my mother…and everybody...and you."

Each word seemed to be a labor for her to utter and each word was like a hit in the face.

I looked up at her. "Rei… I didn't know…"

"That's because I never sent the letter," she said roughly, her eyes suddenly ablaze, daring me to look away from them. "We hadn't spoken in months. I had tried calling you, but you never called back. You were always too goddamn busy. I asked you to come visit me. I waited. I waited and waited and waited…" Again Rei's voice faltered, but she continued, "The longer I waited the more I realized that you weren't going to call back. You weren't going to write. You weren't going to come. You had forgotten about me. You had moved on to your parties and friends and…and…God only knows what else. If I hadn't have come back, we probably would have gone on not talking for the rest of our lives!" There was a beat of silence as I let that sink in. "You were supposed to be my Best Friend. You were supposed to be there for me when I had nobody else…"

"Rei…You should have sent the letter," I said, trying to sound sure of myself.

"Why?" Rei demanded.

"Because... If I had known… If…I would have—"

She cut me off and my mouth went dry. "You would have what? Written back?" She barked a harsh laugh, the type of laugh that made me want to crawl out of my own skin to get away from the guilt I was feeling. "You would have bothered to contact me? To remember I even existed?" Her voice was getting shrill now. Rei began backing away from me, the tears burning in her eyes. "No, no Usagi. You wouldn't have. You didn't." The last words were spat at me. I felt them hit me like a brick. It was too much. I couldn't handle this.

"Rei..." I started but I suddenly realized I had no idea what I was going to say. I struggled to come up with something, anything, that could some how put this all behind us. Even now, after Rei had said so much, I had no words.

She waited. Rei looked at me, watching the silence fill me up, watching the way I had nothing to offer. I couldn't even give her an apology, because somehow that just wouldn't be enough. She watched as I struggled and then she laughed.

"Don't bother, Usagi. It's too late now." And she turned around and walked away.

* * *

I was scarfing a heaping amount of curry into my mouth. 

"God Usagi, slow down. You'll pull a muscle."

I grinned up at Makoto, who was looking from her dainty, vinaigrette salad down to my bowl of steaming, hot curry. I knew where this was heading: a calorie-fat analysis of my lunch followed by a _How-can-you-eat-so-much-and-stay-so-skinny?_ interrogation.

"That bowl has got to have at least five hundred calories..."

"And 25 grams of fat," Minako piped in, sitting down next to Mako. She pulled out a plain yogurt from her bag and opened it, sighing wistfully. "If only I could eat that much and stay that skinny..."

"I don't understand how she does it. It's like, impossible," Makoto continued.

I gave them both a sardonic look, slurping up as many noodles as possible, but they ignored me.

"It's just a tragedy. Here I am, with a plain yogurt. A NON-FAT YOGURT for God's sake," Minako started dramatically, "Do I want a yogurt? No. Who ever really wants a yogurt, anyway? But I've got to fit into my clothes for rehearsal now don't I? And Usagi is sitting here with a zero dress-size and a steaming, wonderful smelling..."

"...Finely crafted, delicious bowl..."

"...With heaping proportions, might I add..."

"Oh, shut up!" I finally said, interrupting the rant my friends went on every lunch hour. "You two shouldn't worry so much about how much you weigh."

"Easy for you to say," Makoto pouted, staring once again at her salad.

I smiled outwardly at my two friends, but inside my stomach was in knots. When I was nervous, my appetite always seemed to skyrocket. So, instead of trying to calm myself down I just shoveled another spoon full of curry into my mouth.

Ami came to sit at our table, opening up her modest-sized box lunch quietly. She wasn't looking at me. To make matters worse I saw Rei across the room and my stomach did an eternity of flips. I hadn't stopped thinking about our conversation all morning. I wondered if I would ever stop thinking about it. Harsh words were replaying over and over in my head.

I needed to shut them up.

"I've gotta go!" I called suddenly, standing up right.

My three friends looked up at me, awaiting an explanation. Across the room, Rei's eyes met mine.

"Big date?" Minako mused, raising one finely tweezed eyebrow in my direction.

I grinned sheepishly, suddenly remembering the text message from earlier. "Perhaps."

Then I swirled around, leaving them at the table, empty curry dish and all, and dashed out into the hallway towards the front doors of the school. I knew maybe with me gone, Rei would still take her seat next to the others, and the slow recovery of our friendship could begin. If she could still be friends with the others, there was a hope that we could be friends again too. I didn't know what else to do for the time being. I couldn't think.

I pushed my sprinting faster, trying to outrun the questions in my mind. Would Rei and I ever be friends again?

I burst out of the front doors of the school and bended over, hands resting on my knees for support. I took in several deep breaths, trying to regain my composure in the chilly, afternoon air. Bright leaves of autumn tumbled endlessly around me, and the light outside was casting deep, red shadows. It felt nice to be outside, away from all the chatter that surrounded the lives of my peers. For a brief moment, I felt that everything was going to be okay.

"Hey," I heard a voice call.

I stood up, shielding the sun from my eyes with one hand, still breathing heavily.

And there he was.

He was standing outside the front gates, his dark ebony hair picking up the redish tint of the light outside. I marveled at his wide grin, his broad shoulders, the familiar laugh hidden in his crystal, blue eyes. They were inviting me to play with him, to forget, for one moment, that anything else mattered. I didn't know if he and I were back together again. I didn't know if we were friends, or more than friends, or anything at all. I didn't know if I wanted to be his, after everything. All I knew was that at that moment, with the leaves falling between us, and the light-headed feeling I got from a quick sprint outside filling me up, I wouldn't mind spending some time with him.

"Hey Seiya," I said, smiling genuinely at him. "I'm glad you're here."

**A/N:**

Omg... don't hate me! I had to throw Seiya into the mix. But don't worry. Next chappie as Mako. Then we will get to the beloved Mamoru chapter everyone keeps begging me for ;-) And oooh I've got a good idea for that one... Mmmm-hmm... Review!!


	5. Chapter Five: Makoto

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Sailor Moon or Gossip Girl.

**A/N:**

Hey hey,

Been very tired and busy lately. Painting will truly be the death of me if I keep it up at this pace. (Five paintings a week??) I'm just waiting for this semester to end so I can go play in all the winter snow and stay up all night writing fan fiction again.

Anyway, enjoy the next installment. Makoto was a tough one for me. She's so tomboyish and feminine at the same time. But I guess I've always seen this kind of untamable force in Mako. She's a fierce one, for sure. Let me know how I did with a review ;-)

Lurve,

Mels

**Chapter Five: Makoto**

I watched Usagi go.

It was something I was getting used to. Usagi was always running off to something...to someone. You couldn't pin that girl down. Part of me wished I could, but I found that part of me vague and meaningless. Most of me wished I could be more like her. Usagi had mastered the carefree determination that seemed to automatically come with youth. There was never a moment that she seemed bored with the possibilities, the parties, even the problems of her life. I had my doubts about Usagi's whirlwind of activities. Maybe she was just better at hiding all the fuck ups than the rest of us. But even if it was just an elaborate game to fool us all, that was still something to envy.

Sometimes it felt as if I hardly knew Usagi. I was like everybody else now—watching her fabulous life through a plate of thick glass. We were all wondering: Where was she running off to?

I looked down at her empty curry dish, my eyes stopping to consider one abandoned noodle. It would be nice to be as worry-free as Usagi. Not just about what she ate or how late she was for class, but in all aspects of life.

Minako cackled, dragging my eyes away from the spot Usagi had once preoccupied. Minako was beaming, her mouth pressed into a bemused smile. I knew that fixed sparkle in her eye. She was proud of herself for discovering something that nobody else knew. I didn't really want to indulge into the fickle gossip Minako loved to pass around. Not now. Not today. I just felt tired today... different. I felt like loads of weight were slowly being pilled higher and higher on my back. But I knew I could mull over dark thoughts later. For now, Minako would provide a good distraction.

"I knew she was going with Seiya again," Minako said smugly. She tossed back her mane of golden hair and shoveled a spoonful of yogurt into her mouth. The corners of her lips twisted up into a satisfying grin, even with the bottom of her spoon clamped between them.

"What do you mean you knew? She only said maybe," I reasoned, "And she didn't even mention Seiya."

"Oh, I know, trust me. You could see it in her eyes," she said, waving her spoon at me knowingly. Then she paused before adding quickly, "And anyway, I peeked at her text messages."

I couldn't help but bark a laugh at Minako's confession.

"Do you have to be in everyone's business?" I asked, glaring at my curious companion and hiding a smile.

Ami suddenly poked her head up from the book she was reading and said, "Gossip is simply a distraction method."

"What do you mean?" Minako demanded, somewhat offended.

"We all have them," Ami said quietly, "Something to distract us from the reality of our lives."

I looked at Ami in a sort of awe. It seemed she had picked the words right out of my head from only minutes before. I found myself wondering if Usagi's running around was her distraction method. And if it was, then what was mine?

Rei came to sit next to me. I was somewhat surprised given Rei's distant attitude all morning. She had a small box of sushi that she carefully unwrapped and began eating without so much as a hello. Minako seemed suddenly very interested by something out the window.

"Well I don't indulge in gossip to distract me from anything. I don't have any distraction methods," Minako snapped, standing up and fixing an unwavering scowl on her face. "I live life with both eyes wide open and ready for anything."

I didn't doubt it at first, but something about her need to refuse such a fact made me pause. I heard the moments hesitation she had before speaking up. I also noticed the way she refused to look at any of us as she said it. These subtle clues were hard to notice with Minako, but every now and then I would get the feeling that Minako really did lie about everything she said to us. I tried to disregard those realizations because they scared me. If even Minako was a stranger to me, then I didn't really know anybody.

Rei suddenly spoke, startling us all. All three heads snapped in her direction, and several more from the table next to us did too. "Don't lie to us, Minako," Rei purred. She deliberately placed a piece of sashimi in her mouth and chewed slowly. She looked up at Minako through unnerving eyes.

I arched an eyebrow at the scene unfolding in front of me. It had been quite a while since I had seen the challenges my two fierce friends threw at one another. It seemed that Minako had gotten a bit rusty. She was fluttering around before us, something I've hardly seen in the many years I've known her.

"I'm not lying. What would you know?" she said briefly, shifting her purse from one shoulder to the next. "Anyway, I've gotta go. There's this thing. That I'm signing up for. It's a big deal."

We all watched her walk off briskly in such a way that crowds of students automatically parted from her path. Minako always seemed to walk like she was in a big hurry to get somewhere and couldn't be bothered.

"I've gotta get going too," Ami said, scooping up her box lunch and tucking her book under one arm. "I must study for my test this evening."

I nodded, well aware that Ami was often busy with cram sessions and applications into university after school. I sighed, recalling that I also had a meeting with a college counselor later that week. I shoved it to the back of my mind, along with every other thought that seemed to bubble up along with it.

"Well, good luck," I said finally as Ami waved goodbye and headed out the room.

Now it was just Rei sitting next to me. Her shoulder was touching mine. We both ate silently as other conversations swarmed around us, creating some kind of distraction, as Ami had said. The other girls were laughing and talking loudly like they always did. Every now and then I would hear Rei's name muttered from around the room. Rei ignored them, but I knew it bothered her. I could almost feel the agitation radiating from her.

"Are you glad to be back?" I asked suddenly, not turning to see Rei or her reaction, but feeling her body tense next to mine nonetheless. "It doesn't seem like you are."

There was a beat of silence, where even the whole room seemed to dull in its sounds.

"I'm not glad," she whispered.

I waited for her to say more, but she didn't. So I just dove right in. "I bet you're pretty mad, huh?" I stated bluntly, "I never called you when you were away."

When Rei spoke it seemed like she was holding in a suppressed fire. "Yeah," she seethed, "That was a pretty shitty thing to do."

I felt the familiar rage bubble up in my chest. Thinking about Rei and all the reasons we had drifted reminded me too much of my own history. I squashed down my inner anger, the itch I could never seem to scratch, and tried to formulate words. I was never too good at expressing myself, like Minako or Usagi were. I relied more on my physical attributes to carry most of my conversations. But Rei and I were shoulder to shoulder, and for some reason, I couldn't turn around to look at her.

She deserved some kind of explanation.

I started talking. "I thought you were like me. Six years ago I just wanted everybody to leave me the hell alone. All the lawyers, and counselors, and therapists, and doctors, and greedy relatives. They were all waiting for me to just blow up, you know? They all expected the worst from me. And I started to get into a lot of fights at school... I was so young...They thought I was going to become some kind of reckless, violent nut." I paused, trying to get past the rest of my story. "All I really wanted to do was be alone and grieve. Deal with my parents... dying..."

There.

There I had said it.

It was getting easier every time.

I took a deep breath and continued. "But everybody in the whole fucking world had to get involved. It was all some surreal blur. I couldn't feel a thing... It was like I was watching it all happen to somebody else."

Rei's voice was barely audible. "Yeah..."

"I thought you left because you wanted to get the hell away from everyone, even us. I thought you'd come back when you were ready. I didn't want to push you. But I should have made it more clear that I was still your friend, and there for you whenever you felt ready. I'm sorry."

Rei didn't speak for a long time.

"I didn't really know what I wanted," Rei finally said. "Whatever it was, I didn't find it in Europe."

I chuckled humorously, attempting to blow past all the words I had just shared with Rei. I needed to shed them before I thought too much about what I had meant. Even now, after six years, it was too difficult to talk about my parents. Instead of dealing with all the emotions my explanation had brought up, I resorted to the only semi-inappropriate humor I knew how to deliver. "That's because you spent too many nights partying naked on nude beaches."

Rei nudged me with her shoulder and growled, "I did no such thing."

There was a small moment where she and I just giggled together quietly, elbows bumping, sides shaking.

I finally turned to look at her. She met my gaze and I smiled sadly—but it was an honest smile. "There are times when I think it'll never get better," I blurted, unsure of why I said it.

"Me too," she admitted, returning a similar smile.

It was quiet between us.

We spent the rest of the lunch period eating silently together.

* * *

"A movie, really?" I asked. 

Minako was lounging on my large queen sized bed. She was wearing some lingerie, a baseball cap and leg warmers, all of which she had only purchased a few hours ago. Minako often came to my house after her power shopping trips to show me the fruits of her labor. We'd sprawl out all over my house, watch movies, drink gin, and dress up in all sorts of odd outfits. Today I was wearing the top half of an over-elaborate ball gown with small boy shorts, long pearl necklaces, and stockings that went above my knees. We always had enough room and freedom to do as we pleased since I lived alone. Well, not entirely alone. My driver stayed in my guest house nine months out of the year while he was attending university. But it was across the pool and frankly, of little concern to me.

"Yes, fucking, really," Minako said. She liked to use crude language when she was being dramatic about something. "I'm going to be in a movie."

I scrunched up my nose at her skeptically. "What movie, exactly?"

"Like I know?" Minako said dismissively. "But it's going to be big. Really big."

Minako continued on with details while I began pacing restlessly across my room. I don't know why. Something was just really making me on edge. I noticed that my favorite plant was dying. Minako's voice seemed to float away as I kept my eyes pinned on the small orchid. It was sitting in the frame of my window, slowly wilting away with the coldness of autumn. I knew it was an expected stage in nature. I knew it was a temporary death, soon to be replaced by new blooms in the spring. But I still couldn't stand looking at it. I hated the fall. Everything around me was dying.

I heard my clock ticking distantly and felt the pressing need to be doing _something_, although I wasn't sure what. I couldn't think. I had to keep moving.

"Hello?" Minako snapped, pulling me out of my thoughts. "What exactly are you doing?"

I stopped pacing and glanced at her sideways. She was crossing and uncrossing her legs behind her, laying flatly on her stomach and flipping through a magazine.

"Uhm, I don't know," I admitted. What was wrong with me? Why was I feeling like a caged animal?

"You look like you haven't slept or something," Minako scrutinized, eying me up and down.

"I've been sleeping fine," I lied. My head hurt. My eyes hurt. I really thought I might explode at any minute.

"Whatever." Minako shrugged and pushed herself up off my bed. She held up a long-sleeved, black dress that was barely long enough to be considered a dress. "Let's go out tonight. I don't have rehearsal and it looks like you could use some fun."

"But it's a school night," I said automatically, glancing nervously at my plant again. I suddenly realized that my palms were sweating.

"Please?" Minako pleaded, yanking the dress over her head and smoothing it down over her stomach. "I bet you'd look excellent in this," she said, snatching up one of her latest purchases. It was a hammered, satin dress in a nude shade and it was also extremely short. And hideous.

I made a face.

Minako sighed, exasperated. "Mako, be reasonable. This. Is. A. Fabulous. Dress."

I was about to debate Minako on her fashion sense when suddenly her cell phone rang. She grabbed it off the end of my bed and opened it immediately.

"Hello?"

Minako smiled and mouthed the words "It's K" to me.

I rolled my eyes, attempting to act normal. Sometimes keeping up with her boggled my mind.

I turned away from Minako as she giggled and flirted on the phone, feeling my restlessness bubble up inside of me. My eyes instantly situated on the dark pools of my window, where dark shadows seemed to almost dance across my front lawn. I still felt like I was distantly forgetting about something, but I couldn't quite focus my mind long enough to think about it. I walked over to the window and pressed my forehead against the cool glass, letting little bursts of hot air escape my lips to make small, fogged images on its surface. Even through the foggy window of my reality I was thinking about all the things pressing in around me. Time. Appointments. Orders. Expectations. College. Autumn. Usagi. Rei. Minako. Death. Death. Death.

There was a soft knock on my door, forcing me to turn away from the window and recall the reality in front of me. My head still hurt and now there was a distinct buzzing in my left ear. My driver, Motoki, peeked his head into my room. I realized I was standing there in very minimal clothing and felt like instantly melting into the floor to cover up my lanky body. Motoki seemed even more uncomfortable, although I didn't miss the quick way his eyes scanned across my body before landing on a spot somewhere near my feet.

Motoki hesitated, obviously here to say something but not finding any words. "Uhm, I was just checking to see if you would need me tonight for any driving...or anything...I kind of have this big midterm tomorrow and just wanted..."

"Sure, fine, no. You can study," I grunted, wearily rubbing my forehead.

"Okay, thanks." His eyes met mine and he let a small, guilty smile stay on his lips just long enough to make me blush furiously. Then his head disappeared behind the door.

"Can you believe the nerve...?" I demanded, swirling around to see Minako raising her eyebrows at me—up and down, up and down—an annoying smile plastered across her face.

She knew better than to start in about Motoki and I getting together. He had a serious girlfriend. And he lived in my house. Well, sort of. Either way, it was a recipe for trouble. But that didn't stop Minako from forming a smirk on her small, pink lips whenever he came within twenty feet of us.

"Well..." she started, finally snapping her phone shut and looking at me with excitement in her eyes. "We're going out with K."

"What do you mean 'we'?" I asked dryly, already knowing the answer and trying to ignore my pounding headache.

"Oh don't worry, he's got friends for you, too," Minako hummed, breezily waltzing over to her shopping bags and pulling out a pair of four inch, platform pumps. They were bright fuchsia but she didn't hesitate in pairing them with her little, black dress.

"I'm not like you," I said. "I can't run around all night and still make it to class tomorrow."

"Oh come on," Minako complained. "We won't be out all night. K's got a wife, after all."

I felt my palms sweating. I felt my restless feet willing me to go... to go do something... anything. I felt the itching quality in the back of my mind, begging me to distract myself from the fever of my mind.

"Fine, I'll go."

Minako let out a squeal of happiness and ruffled through her bags once more. Then she pulled out a dress, a determined glare fixed in her eyes.

"You can't say no to this one..." she insisted, "Silk organza... beaded straps... a shimmery, gray-green, just like your eyes..."

It did look pretty good.

I sighed, reaching out to take the dress from her. Minako pumped her fist in the air and flashed me a "v for victory" sign with her fingers.

"She shops... she scores!"

I laughed, despite myself.

"Hey Mako," Minako said, interrupting her own celebrating. "You should probably take your pill before we head out."

"Oh, yeah, that," I replied flatly. I knew what pill she was talking about. It was the same small, blue pill I had been taking since my parents... you know. It was to calm me down, they said. But for the past three days I had been tossing them down the drain of my kitchen sink. It was an impulse, something I did on a whim one morning. I didn't really know why. But now, three days later, I finally realized why I no longer wanted to take that stupid pill. I was sick of things dictating my life, telling me what to think and believe and feel, especially something I forced into my own body everyday. Most of all I was sick of feeling _nothing_—of waking up every morning with the horrifying nightmares of my parents crash to their death... yes... their death... and feeling _nothing_. I hadn't taken them since. Maybe that was why I felt like I might explode out of my own skin. Maybe my body was just craving the calming drug and all its effects, like withdraw symptoms or something. But I didn't care. This was minimal displeasure. It was worth it.

Minako was looking at me with expectant eyes as she brushed through her golden hair.

So I did the only thing I could do. I lied.

"I already took it."

Minako didn't think twice about it. I was the honest one. You could always count on me to tell you the truth.

Well, almost always.

It didn't take long before Minako and I were both ready for a night out on the town. I didn't know what we would be doing, but I didn't care. I just had to keep moving. K and his friend were already waiting for us in my circular driveway, sporting a killer, electric blue Corvette.

K let out one long whistle upon us walking out to meet them in the cold night air. It was a little breezy, but not bad. I was shivering. Although, had I been shivering before or after going outside? I couldn't remember...

"Minako, you look damn good," K said, his hands slung casually in his pockets. Then turning to me he motioned to the man standing next to him. He had brown wavy hair, cut messily around his face. He was tall, which was good, because I was tall too. He had chilling eyes and a wide, broad grin. "Mako, this is Nephrite."

I took his hand and he kissed the tops of my knuckles. A thousand chills rolled through my body. I suddenly felt very dizzy and even colder than I should have. I tried to calm myself down, reasoning that the icy air, the excitement for a night out were all just adding to my blurring vision. But I couldn't focus, couldn't quite think about why I was standing there, in a short silk dress, with two strange men...

"Odd name," I murmured, studying him from a far. From here, it looked almost like he was teetering back and forth. Or maybe that was me?

"Nice dress," he replied without missing a beat.

Suddenly all I could hear was the deafening hum of the wind, hitting my eardrums, even though there was barely a breeze. I thought of my orchid, slowly wilting in the dark of my room. Then I felt my legs buckle and all I could see was darkness.

"Mako! Mako?! Are you alright?"

Vague, distracting voices. A cool breeze ruffling my dress. Warm arms scooping me up.

"We all have distraction methods," I whispered, before slipping into unconsciousness.

**A/N:**

Hmm…A fainting spell?! Poor Mako! Going off depression pills cold turkey can really mess you up. I did some research on it ;-) So I guess we'll see how that goes for Mako.

What did you all think? Review and let me know. Next up is the Mamoru chappie. I already have part of it written, so hopefully it'll be a quick update.


	6. Chapter Six: Mamoru

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Sailor Moon or Gossip Girl.

**A/N:**

Heyo,

Ahahahhaa, I can't believe it. I am way too excited for this chapter (but why??). So please, everybody get excited too! Then I won't feel like a fool (even though I am one). Ah jeez. Somebody stop me before I get carried away.

(Too late.)

Lurve,

Mels

P.S. Please review! You know you want to...

P.P.S. Only 6 more weeks until winter break!

P.P.P.S. There's a lot of swearing again in this chapter. Sorry.

**Chapter Six: Mamoru**

It was cold as hell outside.

I blew hot air into my hands and rubbed them together, attempting to get some blood running through my fingers before they were buried into the frail pockets of my tuxedo jacket. The city lights were teasing me from my spot on the balcony, twinkling and vibrating with the energy only a city like Tokyo could possess. They were beckoning me, reminding me how lame it was to abandon a party inside to stand out in the cold alone. The city didn't care that it was a Tuesday night, or that I was too antisocial to interact with my colleagues and so-called friends. It was telling me to go inside, forget everything and indulge. But I didn't want to. It made me sick to hear the slight murmur of the party guests through the flimsy French doors that separated me from them.

Them.

A funny concept, really.

I was one of them, wasn't I? I didn't want to be. I didn't consider myself one of them. But they all looked at me and saw my designer Gianfranco Ferre' tuxedo, my nicely trimmed hair and expensive watch. They all saw me as one of them. Especially since I frequented their social gatherings, including the one I was at now. I hated these benefits, as they were called. We were supposedly raising money for an endangered species of snow owl. Like the birds really wanted the money or something. It was really just an excuse to make business connections, to shake hands with all the right people and make face in front of the public so good press would be printed in the morning edition of _Asahi Shimbun_. The people of Tokyo would look at us all with bright eyes and nods of approval and we'd exploit the hell out of them to get our hands on their cold hard cash.

After all the good deeds and smiling for the photographers, reality would finally rear its ugly head. All night long, the party would be filled to the brim by the wrongdoings and moral misgivings of our social circle. By next morning, after everybody forced themselves back into dark, itchy suits with shiny shoes and smiled through the hangovers they so expertly hid, the flurry of last nights fights and flights and fucks were forgotten. The only lasting connections were, of course, the ones that involved money. 

Because that's the only thing that really mattered to them.

Them.

Not me.

I laughed to myself bitterly. During the day I could get past it all. I could smile the fake smiles with everyone else and participate in the cutthroat business world. It was really only when I decided to freeze my ass off in the cold night air alone that I started to think such dark thoughts about my life. About how sick I was of this twisted world of wealth and how I no longer cared about anything, not even money or my health. Everything around me had become pointless, cloudy and insignificant. I just didn't give a damn about anything, especially these stupid, fucking parties.

I really only come for one reason.

I shook my head, running my hands through my hair, bundling tight fists around the ends and yanking. Hard. I needed to knock some sense into myself. _No, Chiba. You didn't come for her._

She wasn't even here, anyway. 

I suddenly had the greatest urge to leave the Tsukino residence. The party would still be going on for many hours, but I turned my back against the coldness of the night so I could go home. I was instantly bombarded with all the lights and sounds that were swimming in front of me through the paned windows on the doors. Swirling, dizzy, giddy, endless, brainless, frivolous bullshit. And yet somehow I felt more alone seeing them all with arms wrapped around dance partners, holding their bodies close together.

I shoved my way off of the balcony and into the swarm of the party. Several women cast their long-lashed gazes at me, silently inviting me to their meaningless, drunken intimacies. But what I wanted was so much more electrifying, more alluring than any of those women could offer me. I wanted to feel the back of my throat coarse and on fire. I wanted to watch the way my head spun from talking all night long. I wanted to press my body into someone warm, someone who belonged there for once. I was so used to being manipulated and then left, drained of all my good reasons and ideals, with nothing else but the unforgettable burning of regret.

I wanted to be _quenched._

I ignored the women batting their eyes in my direction in the only cold-hearted way I knew how. I hardly glanced at their form-fitting dresses, their over-elaborate hairstyles and makeup. I just didn't care. I was on the path to get away from here, from them, from myself.

I headed straight for the front doors through the foyer, but suddenly I was distracted by the light coming from the otherwise empty kitchen. I knew I should ignore my inner impulse, but I couldn't. My feet seemed to move on their own as I treaded cautiously towards the triangle patch of light shining from the doorway. It could just be a random bartender or maid, getting more alcohol from the whiskey cabinet. Or… Or it could be her.

Even as I walked towards the possibility I knew it was pointless for me to pursue it. She was too young for me. Too rich. Too beautiful. Too loving. Too much of everything I could never be. But my heart was pounding loudly now, and with each step closer toward the the illuminated opening I felt the anticipation rise up in my throat.

I saw her standing away from me.

She was wearing an oversized button up shirt and nothing else. Slender legs peeked out from the bottom of her shirt tail as she balanced up on the balls of her feet trying to reach the cupboards above her. Her pale blond hair was messily pulled up into two buns on either side of her head, a few loose tendrils falling haphazardly down her back. There were only dim lights on in the kitchen, leaving most of the room casted in shadows. But not her. She always seemed to look like some sort of spotlight was shining on her.

Usagi.

God she was beautiful.

And only seventeen.

Fuck.

My head was telling me to turn around and walk away. It was simple, really. She hadn't seen me here and I could easily stop myself from treading into the dangerous territory of starting up a conversation. But already my limbs were buzzing with the anticipation of talking to her. This entire night I had been on edge, and now here was my chance to get it all out of my system. I was drawn to her. Words between Usagi and I were never calm or civil. They often erupted into heated arguments, some of which left me feeling more alive than I ever had before.

So I did something stupid.

I came up close behind her and reached up over her head. I grabbed the cereal box she had been grasping for and she instantly swirled around to find her nose buried into my chest.

I saw her brows knit instantly at the realization of who I was and her muffled voice rose from below, "What do you think you are doing, baka?!"

I chuckled as I watched her glare up at me, her navy blue eyes meeting mine with the same conviction as always.

"I was just helping you," I said nonchalantly, smirking at her.

"Helping me?" she growled, tiny fists bundling up and hitting against my chest. " I. Don't. Need. Your. Help!" With each word she pounded her hands against me, and with each word I felt a jolt of electricity make every inch of my body tingle with excitement.

I stepped back from her and dangled the box of cereal above her head, watching in amusement as her flustered face got even redder. "Oh? You sure about that?"

She attempted to grab at the box, standing once again up on the tips of her toes. It was amusing and somewhat adorable to watch her stretch her arms upright towards a physically impossible goal at her height. I felt the laughter bubble up in my throat as I saw her fixed glare, her lips in the smallest of pouts, and her slender wrists still inches away from the box I hovered over her. It was just too much. I didn't seem to overlook how terribly high her shirt rose or the fact that three of the bottom buttons had been left undone either.

Oh God.

I instantly lowered my arms and allowed her to grab her beloved box while some part of my mind begged _if only you weren't so damn proper Chiba…_

Usagi snatched the box from my clasp as I stared dumbly away from her. She was my bosses daughter... _what the hell am I thinking...?_

"Take that!" she crowed, jumping up to sit on the edge of the island counter top. In triumph, she took a massive handful of cereal and shoved it into her mouth, bobbing her head around and making the buns on her head dance.

I couldn't help it. As I sat there watching her grin at me with her teeth, a few loose pieces of cereal falling from the corner of her mouth, I honestly couldn't stop myself. I laughed again even though everything in me was telling me not to. I was approaching a very dangerous line, a line I didn't know if I could help myself from crossing. Already my mind was wheeling, thinking of all the defenses I could throw in front of this girl. So I resorted to the one thing that could let me be near her while simultaneously pushing her away.

"What's with your stupid hair, anyway?" I demanded, glaring at her pointedly. "You look like you've got two odangos sticking out of the sides of your head."

Usagi gasped, her eyes wide. "There's nothing wrong with my hair!" she yelled, although her voice was muffled from all the cereal still being devoured between her lips.

Her lips.

Devouring.

Nononononononononono.

I could feel my defenses crumbling.

"I know what I'll do," I continued, trying to stop myself from looking at her bare legs, swinging humorously from her spot on the counter. "I'll start calling you Odago-atama. Odango's for brains AND for looks!"

Her eyes were on fire. "Just go back into the stupid party again, baka!" she ordered. "I'm sure someone else will just LOVE to be tormented with your incredible wit."

_Oh, but it's only you, little one, that I want to torment._

I was about to reply with something pretty mean when suddenly a voice called out from the opposite end of the kitchen, near the stairs leading to the bedrooms. 

"Usagi," he said, standing framed in the doorway wearing nothing but his boxers, "I'm headin' to bed."

I watched as Usagi jumped off of the counter top and ran over to him, stumbling on the slick hardwood floors, looking so innocent and young as she did it. I watched as her hands found his waistband, landing their so casually, like they had been there hundreds of times before. I watched as his hand tucked into the smallest part of her ribcage, the other dangling near her thigh. I watched as he leaned down and kissed her lightly on the forehead and then full on the mouth. I watched as she stood up on the balls of her feet again, this time to meet his lips, and her eyes close for the briefest of moments before opening again, sparkling.

"I'll be up in just a while, Seiya," she said.

I watched this all as my insides began to boil, growing harsher and louder with every moment. _That bastard stole Usagi's innocence. That's his shirt she's wearing..._

Usagi came back into the kitchen, acting as if nothing had changed, but I couldn't even think straight. The anger was piling up inside of me, about to topple over, and I couldn't stop myself from letting it all fly directly into her face. 

"You really must be delusional," I said loudly.

"What?" she asked, bewildered. Usagi jumped back up on the counter and continued snacking on her cereal, swinging her legs back and forth.

"It's so obvious," I continued, my eyes meeting hers coldly. "That guy doesn't care about you; he's just using you." I don't know why I said that. It just came falling out of my mouth.

"How would you know?" she said defensively, but I saw the the kernel of doubt I had placed in her eyes. Usagi was wondering if it was true.

"You really must be stupid or something," I spat. "I guess that's what happens when you get every damn thing in your life handed to you on a silver platter. You don't have any common sense."

"What would you know about my life?" Usagi said, her voice soft. It startled me to hear her response so tame and quiet when usually it would be hurtled across the room in a roar. "There's a lot about me that you don't know."

Usagi didn't turn her gaze from mine, but the anger in her eyes seemed more worn and tired than usual. There was a moment that seemed to stretch in front of us endlessly where neither of us were willing to put down our challenge. I could see the script rolling through her mind, all the proof she could recite about her life being harder than I thought it was, how her ditzy persona was only one shard of her real intelligence, that she _knew_ Seiya wasn't like every other rich guy, but I met all those defenses with the cold, calculated, confident glare that seemed to wither away all of her strength. I saw her feet stop swinging out of the corner of my eye. I saw her shoulder slump. And I saw the smallest hint of sadness buried in the depths of those navy eyes.

I suddenly couldn't stand looking at her, and turned my face away. I walked towards the whiskey cabinet, where I hunched over it, hands bundled into fists on its edge. I felt disgusted to think that I was the one who made her feel as sad, unloved, or worthless as I did at that moment.

_This is why you hate yourself, Chiba. _

It was quiet in the kitchen. 

Suddenly she spoke, her voice trembling and small.

"Am I a bad person, Mamoru?"

I glanced over my shoulder, wondering what kind of thoughts in her mind must have prompted that question. Her back was facing me, still hunched over as she sat on the counter. She was slowly unwinding the hair from her odangos and I watched, mesmerized, as it was released and fell tumbling down her back in graceful waves. She gathered it all up and tucked the locks to one side of her neck, leaving the smallest window for me to see that the collar on her shirt was hanging loosely off one shoulder. With a sudden jolt I realized I could see her red bra strap and I felt my eyes hungrily soak in the image. Even the dim lights of the kitchen couldn't hide that there was a very beautiful woman sitting only a few feet from me.

I felt like dying then, I really did. She was just too beautiful and good and wonderful for what I was about to say to her. But something inside of me just wouldn't settle. I had to keep going in order to stop myself from running over to her and pressing my mouth harshly into hers. I had to stop myself from ruining what several years of bickering had made us into.

"You need to wake up, little Odango," I seethed, my voice hollow in the quiet kitchen. "Lies surround your life of luxury. Even if you are as innocent as you pretend to be, although I have my doubts, the people around you aren't. And I can guarantee that, whatshisname Seiya will only fuck you and then leave you behind. So stop being such a dumb little girl."

She whimpered, the smallest sound, only caught by my ears because I was so very focused for any type of reaction out of her. I slowly walked back towards her, absolutely terrified of seeing tears rolling down her cheeks. But when I circled around to face her, she was looking downward, winding the ends of her hair around trembling fingers.

My stomach lurched. I had to find some way to fix this. What the hell was wrong with me? Why was I so cruel?

I grabbed her elbow roughly, shocking her. Her startled gaze met mine and I saw that my fears were true. Tears had glossed over her eyes, leaving them sparkling in the dull light of the kitchen. I didn't know what to do. I froze there, my hand around her arm, and tried to think of something to say.

"You really are an asshole, I hope you know," she suddenly said, the passion in her voice returning.

"I know," I said, my voice quiet.

"Then why are so goddamn mean to me? Why can't you just—" but she stopped herself, her mouth clamping shut.

I was so close to her, closer than I ever had been before. It took all my will power not to smother her against the counter top and kiss her. Instead, my hand moved slowly from her elbow, up her arm, trailing lightly past her shoulder and then landing behind her head, my thumb resting on her hinge of her jaw. "I actually did like your stupid hair, odango," I said softly.

To my surprise her hands reached up to me, and she ran them up along arms and onto my chest, before resting there for one moment, making me tingle from end to end. Then with one big push, she shoved me away.

Usagi laughed, the tension of the previous moment evaporating on the spot, harsh words forgotten.

"Shut-up, baka."

* * *

I was laying in bed, in the dark. Every few minutes I'd check the glowing numbers of the clock. Three fifteen. Three forty-two. Four-oh-nine. I wanted to sleep. Needed to sleep. 

Couldn't.

I blinked and an eruption of memories only hours old surfaced in front of me. A collection of moments I wanted to forget: how roughly I had grabbed her elbow; the way she bit down, her teeth making that sharp clicking noise, to physically stop herself from saying what was on her mind; the instantaneous gloss that covered her eyes the moment I started swearing.

How could I be so heartless?

I began to think of how quickly I had downed six shots of hard liquor afterward, feeling the liquid slide down my throat, leaving behind a trail of burning rawness that felt so good.

Seiya was his name. And he was probably in her bed right now in the other room...

I took a breath, trying to ease the small prickle of rage that began somewhere in my ribcage and then spread through me like a wildfire. It didn't matter, did it? It was stupid to be jealous of some high school kid. I had no claim over her. She was seventeen, for God's sake. And she was happy. I was nothing to her.

I rolled over in bed and glared at the blurry numbers on the alarm clock near me.

Four thirty-three.

I felt like hell because I couldn't shut up my mind. It was spinning over and over again, tumbling endlessly with enough words to make me dizzy. I kept imagining conversations. I'd change the words around, repeat them, rehash them, make them perfect. I'd create scenarios that couldn't possibly exist in some bizarre attempt to straighten out my tangled thoughts. All the people in my life who had ruined me, who I had ruined, floated and formed together as I argued, and repeated, and rearranged words. My father. My mother. Usagi.

_Can't you see, dad? I made these choices because I had to. I made myself something in this world, climbed up the social ladder into wealth and power. I fended for myself and became successful because I had nobody else to rely on, not even you._ My dad and I in some fictional past, some nonexistent world where things were different and he was my father again. Alive. I'd talk with him, man to man, and aspire to be like him. He would be a decent human being, a hard worker with a nice family. Nothing more. Nothing less. He would be somebody you could rely on.

_Can't you see mom? I never had anybody to love. I hated the world so this is what you get. I'm a cold-hearted asshole who has no love for anybody, not even myself._ My mom and I, standing apart. Raging. I'd be grieving for the mother I never had, hating her for not being there and then feeling guilty for letting her down. It was all so abstract, rooted in nothing but my endless tumble of emotions. My mother couldn't possibly be disappointed in me now, after being dead for so long. But I wanted to explain, to make my nonexistent mother see why I had become this useless bastard.

_Can't you see, Usagi? I want you in a way I shouldn't want you, in a way that I can't. And so I have to stop myself. I have to be so goddamn mean to you because I'm actually a coward. _Usagi and I, standing in the kitchen, illuminated by only the thin lights around the counters. I was saying all the words I could never really say to her, arguing with perfect logic. I'd force myself to tell her all the reasons I made fun of her, why she annoyed me so much, how I couldn't stand to be around her. I'd tell her how goddamn crazy it made me to see that careless flicker in her eyes, like the words we shared meant nothing to her. And I'd explain how I felt about Seiya, seeing him there in his boxers, slipping his arms around her waist, and how I couldn't even see straight at the thought of him touching her, unbuttoning that oversized shirt, feasting his eyes on her body...

No Chiba. Stop yourself. 

_You would understand, Dad. You'd show me how to combat the emptiness, how to conquer the darkness rotting inside of me._

Hold it together, Chiba.

_Mom I wanted to save you. I hate you. I miss you. I love you. I wish I knew you._

Just let it all go.

_Get the hell away, Usagi. Before I hurt you. Before I tell you that I..._

Six hard shots. Then, vaguely, more alcohol. Eventually I had been stumbling up the stairs of the Tsukino residence in a blind rage. But I had crashed into some empty bedroom and fallen into a bed where I stayed. I watched the clock slowly count down until morning, feeling the effects of alcohol slowly wear away. I could still feel the burning in my stomach, eating away at what was inside of me, but it was softer now. My thoughts were quite too, mere whispers in my mind. 

I'm worthless, I will never cover up the reality of my life with fake friends, fake relationships, fake fucking, fake love. I will forever be trapped by my dark deeds, by my inability to open up to anybody, by the loneliness.

_Why am I drawn to you, Usagi? What makes you so different from all the other rich, stupid girls? Why do you make me feel so alive?_

Stop yourself, Chiba. For your own good. For hers... 

Blurry eyes, someone hovering over me.

"Usagi?" I murmured, delirious now, too tired to really think straight.

"My poor Mamoru," someone whispered, running red lips over my temple, my hair, my neck. She planted a kiss on my collarbone and then bit down hard.

"Who are you?" I mumbled as her lips met mine.

"Don't worry. Berryl is here now," she breathed in my ear, "I'll take care of you tonight."

**A/N:**

Whoa, dunno where that came from. Quite dark, eh? I just started writing and this is what came out. I'm sure Mamoru will sort out his life soon enough ;-) and maybe even... be happy? I know this is kind of an extreme example of Mamoru's dark side. But have some faith in your Mels. She'll fix things.

Anyway, review and let me know what's up. I'm still debating who to do for the next chapter. I have so many ideas for each character swirling in my head and I want to write them all! I don't know what to doooooo. I'm thinking Ami again. But I can't wait for the next Minako or Rei chappie either. Gah!! Things will finally start to be resolved. Maybe.

I'm always the last to know, actually. So just stay tuned! And review.

P.S. I know there are lots of fragmented sentences in this chappie. I liked it so I kept it. Booyah to grammar.


	7. Chapter Seven: Ami

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Sailor Moon or Gossip Girl.

**A/N:**

Hey.

Sorry this update took so long. The next should be rolling in sooner (and winter break is just around the corner). I am nearly dying to post the next Minako and Rei chapters (I'm a sucker for drama, I guess). But first we're got another Mako chappie on the way (which should be good too, if I can master one scene in particular...). Review please. I really do appreciate it. And I've been feeling so foolish lately I could use some cheering up.

Enjoy.

Mels

**Chapter Seven: Ami**

"A fainting spell?"

I was sitting at my normal spot at our lunch table, but nobody was sitting with me. Rei, Minako, Usagi and Mako were all missing from school today—a pattern becoming more and more frequent as senior year wore on. There was a deceptive drizzle of rain outside. It was the type of rain you had to be in to really realize it was coming down from the sky onto you. I watched tiny little streams roll down the window as I clutched my cell phone between cold fingers.

"Can you fucking believe it?" Minako said, her voice sounding distant over the phone. "Mako's probably not eating enough or something. But whatever. She's not coming to school for the rest of the week and neither am I."

"Oh. Why aren't you coming?"

"All day rehearsals. Opening night is only two days away, so you better already have tickets bee-yotch. Anyway I've really gotta go. Wish me luck."

"Good luck," I managed before Minkao hung up without another word.

Makoto, fainting?

I nudged halfheartedly at my sandwich which seemed to be taunting me from its spot on the table. I hadn't eaten a bite out of it yet. I was too nervous for my college interview which was starting in only fifteen minutes. I felt even less inclined to eat knowing that Mako was keeping secrets from us. Maybe she had fooled Minako, but I knew better. Nobody just faints on a whim. I was so used to Mako being the honest one, the strong one, the dependable one. And now she was fainting for reasons she wouldn't disclose and lying about it?

My sandwich was still staring at me from below.

I was defeated. Defeated by too much work and not enough sleep, by entrance exams into college, by my father, by all the lies, and now by my stupid sandwich.

I stood up and tossed my sandwich into the trash.

With blurry eyes I started walking towards the main office downstairs. Some members of the admissions office from The University of Tokyo were coming to our school just to meet with me. I tried to tell myself that they did it for dozens of high school students every year, that it was nothing to stop eating over, but I knew that it was a special occasion I couldn't take lightly. The University of Tokyo had thousands of applicants all over the world, desperately begging to get in. What was so special about me that they would even glance in my direction, let alone take time out of their busy schedules to meet with me?

I noticed that my hands were shaking. It was the type of shaking I couldn't control, a nervous vibration that work its way through all my limbs. I had only gotten two hours of sleep last night; four the night before. I had been thinking too much, like I always seemed to do, but it wasn't just my restless mind keeping me up. It was the worrying. It was that piece of me I could never quite settle down as it constantly prodded me, wondering, waiting, questioning why my father would choose not to contact me.

He still hadn't.

And thus, I still hadn't slept.

I opened up the office door with trembling hands and took a seat in the waiting room. The office secretary smiled at me knowingly and said, "They should be ready for you in only a few minutes, Ms. Mizuno."

I tried to smile back but I'm sure my attempt looked more like a grimace. My hands continued shaking and I watched in fascination as they quivered on my knees. I willed them to stop, but it was like my mind had no power over my body. That disconnect from brain to moving fingers should have been the first sign that I wasn't ready for this interview, for college, for life. But I had to focus and shove all of that from my mind. It was time to rehearse all my practiced responses to the questions the admissions office would surely be asking me. It was time to stop thinking about my father not bothering to call me after a week of being in town, or about Minako skipping class for the tenth time in a month, or about Mako's fainting spell, or about Rei…

Where was Rei today, anyway?

_Focus Ami. Get through this first. The interview is number one. Everything else is number two._

"Mizuno Ami. This way please."

My head snapped up from where I had been unintentionally staring at a spot on the ground. Awaiting me was a tall, pale-haired woman in a business suit. She had a cold smile plastered on her thin lips, and I instantly adverted my eyes from hers. I forced a deep breath into my lungs, stood up, and followed her into the small room where a handful of interviewers sat waiting for me.

"So this is the famous Mizuno," a woman with long, red hair and fierce eyes crowed. She was young and beautiful, not what I was expecting. A nervous glance around the room revealed that, to my surprise, all of my interviewers were young and female.

"Did all of you graduate from my school?" I asked, drawing up the only logical conclusion I could muster.

"Ah, very smart," the redhead replied, eyeing me coyly. "My names is Eudial. I graduated here four years ago. This is Mimete, Tellu, Cyprine, Ptilol and Viluy," she continued motioning to the other women and finally at the pale-haired woman who had greeted me.

"And now you all work for The University of Tokyo," I said unnecessarily.

"Of course. It is, after all, the best university in the country," Viluy snipped.

Like I needed to be reminded of such a fact.

I sucked in a tight amount of air into my panicking lungs and took a seat across from the sea of beautiful women before me. Almost instantly my eyes left their intimidating faces and landed to the depths of my lap, where I was trying to neatly folded my trembling hands. The tough questions hadn't even started yet and I was already falling apart. I had been working all my life for a spot in a good university, as Viluy had said, the best in the country. It was my dream. I couldn't mess this up just because I hadn't been sleeping.

Finally I looked up at the six women, all confidently watching as my insides wilted away, leaving nothing but a flimsy shell behind. I honestly felt like if one of them sneezed at me, I would fly away in the wind of its wake.

"So Ami," Viluy started, setting her icy eyes on mine, "Tell us about yourself."

I wasn't ready for such a vague question. I was expecting something like, "What makes you a good candidate for The University of Tokyo?" where I could draw up all the details I had memorized about their facilities and courses to pair with my many qualifying traits. But for some reason, my mind was completely blank. I groped for answers I had typed out on flashcards and studied for months to prep myself for all of these college interviews, but I couldn't seem to remember one thing written on them.

The silence in the room suddenly became all too deafening and I cleared my throat to quench the stillness.

Then I started talking.

"My name is Mizuno Ami. All my life I have been hardworking and studious. I knew from a very young age that I wanted to work in the field of medicine and have spent the majority of my academic life striving towards that goal. Through extracurricular activities and cram school I have—"

I was suddenly interrupted when Mimete chimed in, "That's all very good Ami. But who are you, really? We want to know about YOU, not about what you do."

I froze.

All of my interviewers looked genuinely interested in finding out about me as a person. I wasn't prepared for this intimate approach to college interviews. I was expecting broad, generalized questions that anyone could fill in with stock answers to do with school, education and academics. To ponder such a profound question as_ who I am, _was leaps and bounds above what I had anticipated. Who was Mizuno Ami if you took away all of her books and studying? I searched the earnest faces across from me, looking towards them to provide an answer they couldn't give me.

"Well?" Eudial snapped, looking at me keenly over the rim of her glasses.

"I—I—I haven't been sleeping," I blurted out.

I suddenly felt as if I couldn't breath.

"And why is that?" Eudial drawled, seemingly uninterested with my confession.

There was a brief moment where the practical Ami inside of me screamed for me to shut-up, but before I knew what was happening I was talking restlessly.

"Because I think too much. About everything. Right now I'm analyzing a million different reasons for the slouch in your posture, or why Mimete would be biting her pen," I said without really realizing what I was saying. Mimete seemed to freeze with the pen between her lips and smiled sheepishly before taking it out and placing it on the table in front of her. Eudial was looking at me with wide eyes and I kept going although I had no idea why. "It could all be a million insignificant moment piled together, or perhaps... each gesture, each word, each glance I am casted are all clues towards an understanding of the world around me. For instance, whether you're going to accept me into The University of Tokyo could be written on your expressions right now," I darted my eyes between the women in front of me, watching as some of them reacted with surprise and others with unreadable responses. And even as I saw Eudial's nose scrunching up in disgust I continued, "There is only one thing I hate in this world and that is not understanding something. I want to know everything. I crave knowledge. That's what I'm all about. But life isn't like that, is it? It's really just one, big confusing mess of moments fleeting in time, where relationships with the people you should be able to depend on can disappear in the blink of an eye and nothing in the future is certain. So what's the point? Getting into a good university and becoming successful will not solve all the problems of my life. I look at my parents... they are both successful people... but such a mess. My mom, she works so hard she doesn't remember what is important anymore. And my dad... he cares more about wealth than his own daughter. What kind of people are they? My role models? Why am I trying to be like them? If that's all success has to offer me, then maybe I should just give up. Give up everything and go swimming and play chess and forget about all my goals of getting into medical school or being wealthy, because it seems... a life of success is led by sinners..."

I trailed off and clenched my mouth shut, absolutely mortified that I could babble on about something so personal for so long. The looks across the table I received were hard to decipher.

"That's who I am," I offered meekly after nobody had said anything.

My hands were shaking almost too much for me to bear. As the silence in the room continued I started to pick apart what I had just said. Each word came screaming back into my mind, dawning on me like a horrifying nightmare. Why had I said that? I didn't even mean all of that, did I? No where in all the books and articles I had read about giving a good interview had they mentioned openly admitting the insane tendencies you tried to normally hide. I felt the heat wash over my face and neck, and soon my shoulders were trembling along with my hands.

"Thank you, Mizuno Ami for being honest," Eudial finally said, hardly masking her disapproval. "That will be all." She stood up to reach across the table and shake my hand.

Thank you for being honest about your craziness?

Thank you for showing us how completely wrong you are for our university?

Thank you for making this an easy decision of rejection?

I stared at her hand in disbelief.

It was over.

I had blown my chance of getting into The University of Tokyo just like that. There is no way they would dismiss me after one question if they were still interested.

I saw Eudial's nicely manicured hand hovering over the tabletop. I saw Mimete hiding a smirk. I saw Viluy's cold and calculating eyes watching me. I couldn't stand it there for another second. So I very calmly stood up, swirled around, and walked out of the room, leaving Eudial's hand left untouched.

Then I ran as fast and as hard as I could out the front doors of school and into the rain.

I knew there was only one place I wanted to go now, so I forced my legs to keep running even as my lungs burned and the practical part of my mind told me not to skip the rest of school. But it didn't matter. Nothing mattered to me anymore as I ran down the damp streets of Tokyo, letting the deceptive rain touch every inch of my body. The only thing in my mind was to clear this awful burden from my life. I was through being second best to everything and everybody, the person so easy to forget and dismiss with the blink of an eye. I was through being _Ami, of depth,_ instead of Ami, his daughter.

He couldn't avoid me any longer.

* * *

"Ms. Mizuno! Look this way!" 

A flash of light alerted me to the several newspaper photographers waiting inside my father's gallery. I was startled by their presence, but even more startling was when someone came rushing up to me and swept me into strong arms.

"Ami! My daughter, everybody. She's here for the press release!"

"What?" I asked, trying to bring my surrounding into focus. I was still wheeling from the abrupt reunion with my father as a handful of newspaper reporters watched. My hair was dripping all over the front of my father's maroon colored shirt and I vaguely heard the continued snapping of photographs to my left. My father smelled just as I remembered him—a little like cigar smoke and mountain air mixed together. I almost felt like I could melt into his arms and forget about all the worrying he made me do, about all the whispering in the halls I had to endure because of him. But then I remembered my interview and my insides coiled like a snake ready to strike.

My father towered in the sea of flash photography, gripping me tightly around the shoulder and giving my arm random squeezes. He seemed to hardly notice that I was obviously upset, shaking and soaking wet.

"Ami is such a smart girl. She's going to go to The University of Tokyo, you know. I'm so proud of her," my father boomed loudly. "It kills me to be away from her for so many months during the year because we are so close. That's why I did this show in her honor. Ami always reminded me of water. She's a natural swimmer, you know. Must get it from her dad," he chuckled with a wink.

I could feel his rumbling voice through his chest, which was pressed up against the side of my face. His round belly shook with the laughter that was constantly laced through his voice. I listened to his words and pinpointed each lie he was so easily telling these reporters.

"Water has so much personality, like Ami, but it always molds to fit the form it is given," he continued, patting me on the back. "When left untamed, water can blow apart a mountain, and when harnessed, it can become the calmest pool of tranquility. That's what Ami, and essentially my show, is all about."

I felt sick inside.

I tried to postpone the anger knotting in my stomach, wondering if what my father said about me was true. Did I just fill whatever place was given to me? Did I have no form myself, one that could stand its ground? Did I even want to go to university? Was I only living out my parents wishes because that was expected of me?

I swallowed up all my doubts and turned to my father, unable to stop the quiet anger anymore.

"Why didn't you call me?" My voice sounded flat and fickle, not resembling the roar of disapproval I had imagined in my head.

My father's grin faltered for only a moment. He blinked at me, and for one brief moment I thought he was going to apologize as a look of genuine concern swept his face, but he moved on quickly and changed the subject instead.

"What do you mean? Here, here," he motioned to the reporters and lead us towards one of the large paintings on the wall. "This one is about the transparency of water. Each form takes on a dual meaning."

The reporters furiously scribbled away in tiny notebooks, writing down every word from my father's mouth.

I couldn't believe it. He hadn't even acknowledged my question. Why was he acting like this? Usually when he came into town we would meet for dinner. He'd give me postcards of his travels and tell me stories of all the people he met. Our relationship was intimate and predictable, even if it was for just one day out of the year. But now? Now he was doing a whole public show about me, without even asking me first? Ignoring my questions? Disregarding my concerns? Putting on a mask of chummy companions even when we hardly spoke to one another during the year?

I squirmed in my father's arms for another few minutes as he led the reporters and I around the room, pointing out various aspects of his paintings. We finally reached the painting of my face that had been put on the buses as an advertisement all around town. My father let go of me and I stood awkwardly in front of my painted self, looking at how perfectly he had captured my timid grin.

"Smile for the camera?" A photographer asked.

I tried to smile. I honestly did.

And suddenly it hit me like a slap in the face. As I forced a timid grin onto my pale face and my father nudged a reporter in the arm, I realized that already I was adapting to this new reality. Instead of sticking to my plan of finally getting rid of all my burdens and unleashing the Ami within, I had swallowed up my inner qualms to please my father. I was playing the part he wrote for me simply because he had handed me the script. How could I sit here and obey and be complacent like nothing was wrong?

Everything was wrong.

"I'm not going to The University of Tokyo," I whispered, turning my gaze downwards, still not brave enough to look at my father in the eye and directly defy him.

"What was that, Ami my dear?" my father said, coming up beside me and smiling for the photographer again.

"I'm not going to The University of Tokyo," I repeated with a bit more force. "I may not even go to college."

"What? Ami, sweet pea, I'm sure you're just—"

I interrupted him, struggling out of his grasp so I wouldn't have to smell his familar scent and crumble beneath myself again. "And I can't believe you would do this to me. We haven't even spoken in seven months."

We stood apart, blue eyes meeting gray. The reporters stood between us, silently watching and writing, darting gazes from one party member to the other while their hands flew across the paper and turned pages without a pause.

My father seemed baffled at my unexpected honesty. "Ami... I did this show for you..."

"For me?" I asked quietly. "Or so you can make more money, become more famous?"

There was a beat of silence where even the reporters stopped scribbling in their notebooks.

I looked up at my father. He still had a smile on his face, as if a smile could mend the words we had just shared together. As if a smile could mend seventeen years of neglect and longing and my father's selfish tendencies to do everything for his art. His art art art art art...

"How about next time you just call?" I yelled suddenly, surprising myself. "How about next time you act like my real father instead of my publicist?"

I saw the hurt expression dampen his usual chipper stare. I couldn't stand looking at him. Already the guilt was replacing my anger. I was so used to playing the part I was given, being the perfect daughter he wanted me to be. But I had reached my limit. I was withered away, an empty shell with nothing left but the wrongness and the rightness of finally saying what I truly felt.

My father didn't say anything. Neither did I. I was done talking.

I swirled around and left the gallery, feeling hollowed out like a carved jack-o-lantern. The rain was still coming down, and even though I knew I was getting wet I didn't care. I turned towards downtown and started walking, shivering and trembling. I wrapped my arms around myself and let the tears fall down my face, over my lips, dripping from my chin. I hurried my pace, unsure of where I was heading, but needing something, someone, to turn to.

"Hey, Ami. Aren't you supposed to be in school?"

My heart jumped.

I knew that voice.

I turned and saw Taiki come out of a small pastry shop. He was holding a warm croissant in one hand, the steam rolling off the warm doughy treat in tempting waves. I knew Taiki only from my run-ins with him when I was with Minako and Yaten, but we held a guarded familiarity together that I cherished. Any time I happened to run into Taiki was a good time. But now, with tears running down my face, feeling broken and wrong I didn't know what to think. I knew in the rain Taiki wouldn't be able to tell that I was crying, but I still whipped at my face nonetheless.

"You're getting totally wet," he pointed out after I had remained silent.

I nodded numbly, still holding my arms wrapped around my middle, shivering.

"I skipped school for the first time today," I said finally, my voice clouded with held back tears. "And I totally messed up my interview for The University of Tokyo."

Taiki's eyes met mine, dark and somber. "You can do much better than The University of Tokyo," he said seriously.

"But, it's the best in the country..." I started, quoting the same things I had been telling my friends all year long, my lips trembling. I couldn't stop the tears, even now. "And I blew it..."

"I doubt that very much," Taiki commented, raising an eyebrow. He shifted his weight and took a step closer to me. "You look very cold."

"I am," I admitted.

"Here."

I looked up and saw him offering his warm croissant to me. I reached up a trembling hand and took it from him, unsure of how to respond to such kindness.

"And this," he said, taking off his jacket and draping it over my shoulders.

I held the croissant to my mouth and felt the soft bread brush my lips. For one moment I felt that everything was alright, under the thick wool of Taiki's black jacket and the fresh smell of a warm croissant flooding my senses. I closed my eyes, breathing deep and soaking in this one, small moment.

"Thank you," I said, honestly feeling grateful.

I opened my eyes and saw that Taiki was looking down at me, a look of mild concern across his strict brows. "You going to be okay?"

"Yes," I whispered, meaning it and saying it, for the first time in my life.

"Good."

He shoved his hands into his pockets and did a slow-half smile that seemed misplaced on his serious face. I felt my heart flutter desperately inside me.

"I'll see you around, Ami," he said casually, already turning to walk away.

"Yeah. I'll see you."

I watched as his form quickly got swallowed up by the mass of people walking along the busy sidewalks of Tokyo. People brushed past me but I didn't take any notice. I bit down into the warm croissant, letting it fill me up from the inside out.

Then I turned and headed home.

**A/N:**

I guess Ami is having a bit of a breakdown... Actually...I think all the characters are. Ooooh, please review. You know I love them. And you. So do it! Next up is Mako... and there is going to be some trouble in the Kino household...


	8. Chapter Eight: Makoto

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Sailor Moon or Gossip Girl

**A/N:**

Hi everyone,

It's finals week and I'm not worried.

I always thought Motoki and Mako were an odd pairing until I watched the PGSM series. Motoki in the live action version is just so... goofy (and obsessed with turtles). He was the kind-hearted, grinning idiot to go along with Mako's fierce (yet feminine) independence. I lurrrrrved it very much. I still don't know who Mako will end up with, if anybody, so don't ask me. But you can all make your predictions and maybe even persuade me one way or the other... if you review (hint hint). Next up is Minako yayyyy for Minako.

Woohoo,  
Mels **  
**

**Chapter Eight: Makoto**

I was pacing restlessly.

It was day two of being stuck at home "recovering." Minako was talking to me on the phone, but I was hardly listening. Her melodious voice filled in the gaps to my lingering thoughts while I automatically grunted "uh-huh" in random intervals. My mind seemed to be stuck on Tuesday night, when I had not-so-gracefully fainted in my driveway. After awakening I had been dragged unwillingly to the hospital by Nephrite, where a frowning doctor raved on about me not taking my pills and how there are guidelines when going off psychiatric medication. Oddly enough, Nephrite had stuck around the hospital to give me a ride back home, which was driven in complete silence.

Believe me, it wasn't exactly my idea of a fun night out.

"Mako, are you even listening to me?" Minako demanded, her voice suddenly calling my attention.

"Of course I am," I sighed, finally plopping down into one of my large armchairs, trying to settle down long enough to focus.

"I don't think you were," Minako accused me as I shifted around on the chair trying to get comfortable. "What is wrong with you lately? It's like your always lost in deep thought."

"I'm just worn out," I said wearily, already given up on the chair and standing up again, "You know, from Tuesday."

"Uh-huh. And what exactly caused that again?"

"I haven't been eating enough," I lied.

"Right."

"Right."

"Well _whatever_ Mako. As long as you are getting better, then that's all the really matters. And there are real big problems going on, you know. Like how I'm going to fucking crawl out of my own skin if Yaten pushes me into his dressing room again to... goddamnit Mako!" Minako said, interrupting herself. "You're not listening again, are you? Hello?"

She was right. I wasn't listening. I had abruptly lost interest in her as my eyes drifted out of my patio door windows to the pool. It was glowing eerily in the darkness of the night, bouncing awkward shapes of light off of my window. I suddenly had an unstoppable longing to plunge headfirst into the pool and let the calming water slide over every inch of my body.

"Minako, I'll call you back," I said, already yanking off my loose-knit sweater over my head.

"What?" she yelled as I dropped the phone into the folds of the armchair, her small voice calling out, "Hello, Mako? Mako?!"

I stripped off my sweat pants and stood in front of the patio door in my underwear, suddenly unsure of whether I should follow my urge.

_It's cold outside... but my pool is heated..._

The phone rang distantly in the background, but by then I had made up my mind. I opened up the glass patio door and felt the wave of freezing night air hit my skin, making me cry out in displeasure. But I wasn't backing down now. With one solid lunge, I was running towards the pool and diving headfirst into the deepest, darkest end. There was a satisfying jolt as my face submerged under the surface of the pool, and I felt my body relax as it escaped the cold autumn air for the depths of lukewarm water.

I didn't surface immediately, instead taking my time to admire the light from below. I twisted my body so that I was swimming along the bottom, looking upwards at the dimples in the surface made by the floating leafs. Everything around me seemed illuminated, and I felt so free for a moment, winding and turning around, letting my stomach scrap along the bottom of the pool.

But suddenly everything around me exploded into a world of bubbles. I panicked, looking around for the source of such a disturbance. Before I could see straight, two strong arms were hooked around my middle and dragging me to the side of the pool, lifting my head to the cool air awaiting me at the top.

"Makoto... are you okay?"

I blinked, trying to get my blurry eyes to focus on the face in front of me.

"Motoki, what the hell are you doing?" I yelled, struggling out his grasp and backing away from him. My shoulder blades hit the corner of the pool and I felt like a caged animal, only moments after being captured.

"I... I... I thought you were drowning..." he said quietly, floating closer to me, a look of concern in his eyes.

The look in his eyes bothered me. It showed me that he was more aware of my problems than I had realized. He was reaching out to me because he thought I needed him. That thought alone made me feel uncomfortable, and when I suddenly realized that I was wearing nothing but my bra and underwear I felt like shrinking into nonexistence.

Then I got angry.

"What the hell gave you that idea?" I demanded, glaring at him fiercely. I shivered, the pool not seeming as warm as I had first thought.

"Well, I heard this tremendous splash... and so I looked out my window... and when you didn't surface right away I thought maybe you had fallen in or..."

"Oh God Motoki, I thought you were a stranger spying on me swimming or something..."

My voice faded off as the chattering of my teeth got too severe for me to speak. I felt exposed and wrong there, like Motoki had stumbled across my secret getaway and ruined it for me.

"Well, why would you come swimming at such an hour? In this cold weather?" Motoki asked, his hand gripping the side of the pool, blocking my only escape from his questioning eyes.

"I... It just... seemed like a good idea at the time..." I said, realizing how lame it sounded. There was no use. I could never explain my restlessness to Motoki. He knew I lived alone but didn't know about my parent's crash or my medication or...

I adverted my eyes from his, choosing to watch once again, the leafs floating effortlessly along the top of the water.

"It's alright. I'll get you a towel," he said suddenly. I heard him jump up and out of the pool, funnels of dark water pouring out of his clothes. He went inside the pool house without another word and came back with a towel for me. I had already lifted myself out of the pool too, so I hurried over to him so I could wrap up all the parts of me I would rather have hidden. He didn't bother to look away as I wrapped the long, fluffy towel around me, and he eyed my rather robust cleavage.

"Uh, thanks," I said, glaring in his direction. He smiled at me again, in the same guilty way he had the day before.

"Thanks for saving you when you didn't need saving?" he asked humorously, his eyes alight with something unplaceable.

I shrugged. "I guess so."

Motoki laughed out loud, stepping up to me, then he leaned down so his mouth was hovering over my ear. I felt his warm breath hit my neck and I thought I might faint again.

"You're okay, right Makoto?" he asked quietly.

I flinched, stiffening under him. His question only confirmed what I had thought earlier: Motoki knew something was wrong with me. But what was wrong with me? I didn't even think I could answer that question to myself.

"I'm fine," I said surely, taking a step away from him.

It was quiet between us and I hugged the towel closer to my body, trying to fend off the coldness touching every inch of me.

"If you need anything, you know you can ask me, right?" Motoki continued, his expression still haunted with the traces of concern. I hated that look. It was a look that was full of pity. I tried to plead for him to stop with my eyes alone, but Motoki didn't seem to understand how hard it would be for me to talk about something so personal with anyone, let alone someone who lived in my pool house. He went on, "I mean, I know you live alone... and you've always been such a good friend to me...and if you aren't okay I can—"

"I'm fine," I repeated, unable to look at him in the eyes and lie. I turned around and started walking back to my house, the moment with Motoki almost too intimate for me to bear. "Thanks again," I called over my shoulder, abruptly ending any other chance for dialog. When I reached my patio door I glanced at Motoki and saw his expression change from concern to an amused grin in half a second.

"See ya... Makoto," he said, his eyes deceiving the lightness in his voice.

"Yeah," I muttered, opening the door and then sliding it shut.

I watched Motoki turn around and head back into his little house. I stood there for a full five minutes, trying to shake my bad feelings. I couldn't place my finger on it... but I was too scared to move. The only comforting thing was watching as different lights turned on through Motoki's windows. He and I were a lot alike. We both lived quiet, lonely lives. He had a girlfriend named Nishimaura Reikia, but she was always off studying archeology in Africa. The only other company I ever saw him with was his friend Chiba Mamoru, who worked for Usagi's father. Mostly though, he was like me. In the summertime, we would work out in my garden, and though we never hung out outside of my house, we had still become pretty good friends. Motoki didn't hesitate to come in my kitchen, make a sandwich and claim a whole couch as his own. But I always held him at a guarded distance. I was too afraid of what would happen if I ever...

Well. I just wouldn't let it happen.

My phone was ringing again and I figured it was Minako calling me back after our abrupt conversation. I sighed, finally turning away from the patio door to grab the phone from the couch where I had left it.

"Hey Minako, sorry. I was going to call you back—"

"Is this Kino Makoto?" A deep voice asked.

I hesitated a moment, caught off-guard by a phone call from a stranger so late at night.

"Yes. Who is this?"

"It's Nephrite."

I didn't say anything, too shocked to really muster a reply.

"You gave me your number," he said. "Don't you remember?"

"Actually I don't," I admitted. "I was a little out of it that night..." I felt embarrassed talking about Tuesday again, especially with a man I hardly knew. I thought I would never have to see him again and I could put the whole experience behind me. I should have known better than to expect something so reasonable in my life.

Nephrite chuckled, a dark and rumbled noise in the back of his throat. "You intrigue me, Makoto. I want to take you out to dinner," he said.

I felt frozen there, clutching the phone with one hand, my other still holding up the towel around my middle. God he was confident. And something in his voice was so compelling, like I could reach out and grab it through my cordless phone.

"You don't even know me," I accused him, still hesitant to follow my urge to say yes yes yes yes.

"I want to know you. Come with me. I promise I don't bite..."

I barked a laugh, unsure of whether he was joking or not. "I don't know. The doctor said I should rest and I'm already going on one outing for Minako's play on Friday..."

"So you'll be attending that too?" he interrupted, his voice sounding almost... eager, perhaps?

"Well, of course. Minako's one of my best friends—"

"Then I guess I'll see you there. Think about my offer? You can tell me your answer on Friday."

"Fine," I replied shortly.

"Now get some rest, doctor's orders," he laughed, and I could almost taste his wild, sexy grin.

"Mm-hmmm."

"Good night, beautiful stranger."

* * *

It was four in the morning. 

I couldn't sleep.

Of course I couldn't sleep. When was the last time I had slept well?

SLAM.

My house wasn't exactly lonely. It was just large. And empty. Sometimes I would walk down the spacious hallways, trailing a hand along the cream-colored walls. I'd count the doors as I passed them, slowly and deliberately closing each one.

SLAM.

It was something my therapist briefly mentioned after my parents death. She said sometimes a simple visual, like watching doors being closed in a long hallway, would help give order to an overwhelmed mind. I took the visualizing exercise a step further and started actually reenacting it in my own home. Whenever life got to be too much for me, I would open all the doors in my house and then walk around closing them one by one. Just don't ask me why I would choose to do it at four in the morning.

SLAM.

I paused before the next door, my hand hovering inches from its wooden frame. I kept my eyes sternly trained on the floor, forcing them not to drift over towards my left. Even in the near darkness of the hallway, I could still sense what was on the other side of that door frame.

It was their bedroom.

Despite my many efforts to never wander down this wing of the house and my ritualistic covering of all my parent's furniture and private possessions with white sheets, I still found myself in front of this door too often to think about. Sometimes when I couldn't sleep I would creep into this haunted room and remove the sheets from my mother's vanity table. I'd carefully pick up one object a time—a silver hairbrush, a long string of pearls, a dusty rose colored glove—and after studying its distinct features, place it back in its spot as if it had never been moved. I'd rummage through my father's drawers of old stationary paper and pens, hunting for a scrap with his handwriting still on it. I'd marvel at the spot of carelessly dripped ink on an envelope addressed to him, and wonder who sent it and why the letter was missing. Sometimes I would spend hours doing this, soaking in the last moments my parents lived in this room without even knowing it would be their last. Then I'd quietly drape the white sheets back over dressers and desks, and leave the room without a word.

Usually, this secret act would fill me with a vague fantasy of them still being alive, giving me a false sense of security just long enough to drift me into sleep.

Tonight, however, with bare feet on wood floors and hand shaking inches from their bedroom door, a chill swept through my entire body. Slowly my eyes left their spot from the floor and traced my long shadow into the opening on my left. I saw the lifeless, lumpy shapes of their furniture. I saw the settled dust on the surface of their window. I saw the clear evidence that this room was as dead as they were, to never be used again by the two people I never really got to know. I craved to know their secrets now. I craved to be able to say the words I never bothered to share with them, to let them finally know who I was as a person. I craved to be able to see them, even one more time, so I could finally let it all go, so I wouldn't be haunted by them anymore...

But it was too late.

I felt the familiar rage bubble up beneath me. It was a hot spot that settled in the bottom of my stomach, eating away at me everyday. It was that same rage that made me a dangerous person to approach, that fueled me to get into so many fights back in middle school, that sculpted me to be quiet and alone most of the time. In the back of my mind, I was reminded of what my doctor had told me only days earlier. He said I would be more prone to spikes of emotion that would feel overwhelming because my body was going through such a radical change without the mind numbing drugs coaxing me into apathy. I knew this was probably one of those times, and I should walk away before my emotions got too much for me to handle. I knew I shouldn't behave irrationally due to the imbalances of my system.

But at the moment, I just didn't give a fuck.

I walked into my parents room, fire eating at my insides, making me blind with the pain of all the memories this room brought me.

"It's not fair!" I screamed suddenly, yanking off a nearby sheet and causing a porcelain figure of a geisha to go crashing to the floor. It was a satisfying sound to hear that delicate object shatter into several pieces, one half of the geisha's face skidding towards my parent's bed.

There was a brief moment that I sat there motionless, and then in the blink of an eye, I erupted.

"These things are meaningless!" I swept my arm across the top of TV stand, various knickknacks and electronics cascading down one side. It felt good. It felt really good. "They are just things. Meaningless things!" I yelled, my voice echoing through the house. I grabbed a nearby lamp with one hand and hurled it across the room. I felt the hunger for destruction coursing in my veins. I did nothing to hold it back.

One by one I ruined any object I could get my hands on: an old golden clock that no longer worked, a wooden box full of costume jewelry, a long silk scarf. I completely lost sense of time as I raged on, everything becoming a blur of pain and hatred, swirling all together to form a collective memory that kept screaming in the back of my mind, keeping me moving across that room, back and forth, leaving destruction in my wake. I ripped through my mother's old dresses. I shredded my father's stationary. I knocked over my mother's vanity mirror. Sometime during it all, I started crying and couldn't stop. I heaved every ounce of force I could muster into each push, trying to rid myself from ever knowing these people who could hurt me so bad.

"How could you leave me?!"

Raging. Crying. Destroying.

I stumbled over to the corner of the room and fell to my knees, sobbing and breathing heavily. Through blurry eyes I took in my surroundings, soaking in the ruins I had left behind. The room was almost unrecognizable now, everything strewn in places they should never be. I took in one ragged breath after another and let the tears fall from my face, eyeing my parent's wedding photo album a mere foot away from me. The anger I felt now was no longer hot—it was ice cold. I stared at the smiling faces of my parents out of the corner of my eye, both so in love with one another, for one day at least. It all seemed like some elaborate lie, a mask they wore for all their friends and family to show them that they were normal.

The parents I had known were not devastatingly in love, they merely tolerated each other for mutual benefit. The only thing we really shared in common was our household. I'd see my mother in the mornings, where she would hand me an omelet she personally cooked. I'd eat in silence and then hurry off to school. When I would return home, the house would be empty. My parents would always be off at some ritzy ball or dinner party, participating in the active social lives they made for themselves. Our lives had been in passing, separated for the majority of our time, thrown back together only for formal dinners on holidays or birthdays. I barely knew the two people staring at me in that photo album, making me feel broken and torn from limb to limb.

I felt my lips curl into a snarl, and I grabbed a hold of the photo album with trembling hands. Then I slowly and deliberately took each picture out of it and ripped them into a pile of shredded paper. I cried, whispering incoherent things to the pictures, feeling something like honey fold into the hole in my stomach, filling me up with something indescribable. I knew maybe I would someday regret this, destroying the last memories of my parents in physical existence, but at that moment, I was genuinely glad I would never have to see them again. My parents weren't represented in any of these objects, dead and lifeless under sheets I had deliberately placed over them. My parents could never be represented on this earth again because they were dead.

They were dead.

They were dead.

Slowly, I stood up, whipping my face with my arm. In one shattered piece of my mother's mirror I caught a glimpse of my face, red and raw, blank of any expression. I walked out of the room, pausing one last time in its door frame before gripping my hand on the door, thinking of all the objects I would never again hold near me.

Then I slammed the door shut.

They were dead.

"You can't bring them back to me," I whispered.

**A/N:**

Okay okay, so I personally think Mako's on the way towards recovery, a positive step for her. But what would I know? I'm just a humble and modest author. Who is awesome. Everybody review. Do it. Do it nine times. And perhaps I will reward you with my beautoisy and charm.


	9. Chapter Nine: Minako

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Sailor Moon or Gossip Girl

**A/N:**

Wow, wowza.

Thank God it's a Minako chapter. I always feel that Minako tries her hardest but never gets what she deserves, you know? Like in the Sailor V series, her heart is broken and she's told that she will "never find love." It's like her curse... to be the goddess of love but never have any of her own. And I'm really taking what LolitaAgony said in her review to heart. I don't want Minako to come off as too flippant, although I think a big part of her character is throwing all that ditzy fluff in front of all her problems. I guess we'll see how I do. Review and let me know.

Everything happens on Friday nights. So chapter nine, ten, and eleven will all be set on Friday. Or at least I think so. I haven't exactly written them all yet so maybe something will change. Haha. Mmmm donchya just love the drama in the air?

Love love,

Mels

**Chapter Nine: Minako**

I could tell it was a bad morning the moment my alarm went off.

I blinked up at my ceiling, dreading the idea of rising so early. It was opening night. I should have been more excited but my mind was stuck on other problems. When I came out of my room I glanced through the large double doors into my parents' room. The drapes were drawn heavily, blocking out any chance of sun. My mother was absent from the lumpy piles of blankets, as were any signs that her half of the bed had been slept in. The room was dark, too dark for such a bright morning, and I heard the sound of a shower going. TV lights flickered off of the wall in dull flashes and I braced myself for what I might find when I got downstairs.

I came across my mother in the living room.

"Mom?"

Her head snapped in my direction. She sat on the edge of the sofa, like she could never settle in and get comfortable with the idea of being in one place. Her face was long and pale, with only the dark circles pitted under her eyes to bring any kind of depth to the hollowed look on her face. With one glance I could tell she had been drinking again. A deep feeling welled inside of me, something like pity and fear and anxiety all mixed together.

I turned on the TV with the remote and collapsed into a lush reclining chair, flipping through the channels mindlessly. After I had composed myself well enough to look at my mother again, I settled on a cooking show.

"How are you?" I finally asked, half watching her stricken face and half watching the swirling colors on the television. An orange-peeler commercial blazed through the speakers cutting through any chance of an awkward silence. It was my ideal setup for a conversation. I could participate without diving-in head first.

"I'm not too well, actually."

Her words were slightly slurred. I fought down an urge to run away, determined to be the mediator for when my father finally got out of the shower and managed his way downstairs. I knew it was a bad night. I could see it written in the lines of my mother's face.

"Are you sick?" I asked, offering her a lie to escape into.

"No," her voice was tight, "I think I'm just run down from the pace I'm going at."

I selfishly began wondering what could be so damn stressful about her life. She didn't work. She didn't cook. She hardly had to deal with anything at all, if you didn't count excessive spending and ritzy parties. But even as one part of my mind started tearing my mother apart, I knew I was only pretending like those were the only problems she faced. It made it easier for me. Those types of problems get to you on a bad day and disappear once Monday is over. Those types of problems are normal.

My mother got up and started walking over towards the kitchen. I debated whether I should intervene.

"Is there anything I can get you?" I asked, not bothering to get up from my spot.

Her face lifted, a small trace of light written on it. "Like what?"

"Like breakfast... or..."

"How are you going to get breakfast?" she asked dryly, the disappointment of my offer hidden in her brown eyes. As if her tone wasn't enough, she continued her mocking. "The cook is still asleep, Minako."

I opened my mouth. Shut it. Then said, "I... uh... I don't know. I could try making it for you..."

My mother laughed, like the thought of me making breakfast was ludicrous. She could see through my bullshit. Then she quieted down, her tone suddenly serious. "When I was 17, I started getting those shakes... you know?"

My heart got stuck in my throat. I knew. I had some notion from my childhood that made me think they were from coffee. I remember her carrying around her mug of decaf and her right arm jerking rigidly, just enough to make the coffee in her cup dance. Then the spell would be gone and she was back to normal. I tried to keep my face void of any emotion as she went on.

"It's because I have a very mild form of epilepsy. I've never had a full on seizure. It's not diagnosed or anything...Yeah. Well. Last night I almost had one. It was... it was scary."

_It was scary._

Her words seemed to echo in my mind. Parents aren't supposed to get scared. They are fearless gods, battling off monsters in my closet, holding me tight when I wasn't brave enough, packing my lunch and tucking me in at night. Seeing my mother so vulnerable at that moment almost made me forget all the times she hadn't bothered to be my mother. It almost made me forget that she had never been brave for me or packed my lunch. It almost made me want to go running up to her and giving her a hug.

But I didn't.

I couldn't say anything. After a moment of silence, my mother walked into the kitchen and I heard her flip on the TV in there. I shut off the TV in the living room, staring at my reflection in the curve of the glass. I looked small. I looked worthless. I was shrunk down to the size of an forty inch screen, sitting alone on a lazy boy.

Suddenly my father came strolling in from upstairs. His hair was slicked back and he was wearing a tie and slacks. I jumped up and followed him into the kitchen, afraid of leaving my parents in the same room alone together. I saw him shoot a glance across the room at my mother, his lips curled up in disgust, as she made herself a Bloody Mary by the bar.

"Daddy," I started, plastering a dazzling smile on my face. "Are you excited for tonight?"

He opened up the fridge and pulled out a pitcher of orange juice. He didn't look at me.

"For what?" he answered briefly, tugging on his tie and pouring himself a glass. Then he turned to my mother. "Drinking so early in the day? Can't you keep a cap on it?"

My mother pursed her lips together before taking a hungry gulp of her Bloody Mary and then smacking them together rudely.

"It's opening night of my play," I said loudly, trying to carry on as normal. If I could just distract them long enough for my father to leave for work, then maybe I could prevent the fighting...

My father took a moment to stop glaring across the room at his wife to look at me.

"That's tonight?" He turned once more to my mother and snapped, "Where the hell were you last night anyway? I came home late from work and you were no where to be found."

My mother snorted and started walking out of the kitchen. "Late night _working_. Right."

My father's eyes got wide and he tightened his grip around the glass of orange juice. I felt my stomach fold into itself. There was no way I would be able to eat breakfast now, with my stomach in knots. I put my hand on my dad's arm, trying to sooth him, but he ignored me.

"How dare you accuse me of your own wrongdoings?" he called out of the room in my mother's direction. "I work all goddamn day and night so you can buy all that alcohol you consume, you lazy bitch!"

"Daddy?" I butted in desperately, trying to get his attention off of my mom.

His head snapped towards me and he yelled, "God Minako, what do you want from me? I paid for you stupid acting classes. I even bought you a goddamn theater. I can't be at your every beckon call!" Then he stormed out of the kitchen after my mother. I heard him grab her roughly and the sound of her drink crashing to the floor.

I blinked at the spot he had been standing in only moments before.

I heard my mother whimper, a pathetic sound.

I turned towards the smaller kitchen TV, biting down on my lip. I closed my eyes but then opened them immediately. The image in my head scared me.

I could hear my parents yelling now, my mother too drunk and my father too angry to really say anything comprehendible. I tried to focus on the meaningless morning show blazing in front of me, but even when I turned the volume up I could still hear them fighting. I slowly brought my hands to my ears, trying to block out what I could of the coarse yelling coming in from the other room.

"You slept with him again, didn't you?" My father seethed.

"What the hell would you know? You're never home!"

I continued biting down on my lip. I caged my ears with trembling fingers, resisting the urge I had to start clawing at my own skin just to make it stop. I had learned my lesson once about getting involved with my parent's fights. When I had called the cops, I was only ten years old. I knew now to keep my mouth shut when it came to the problems we hid behind closed doors.

I heard the distinct, painful cry of my mother. I closed my eyes, trying to stop the images flooding my mind, but it was too late now: Her feet stumbling into each other, falling to the ground as she clutches at her face. Her drunken slur of a reply, "You bastard. You've got to hit me to make yourself feel powerful again?" The rage-filled look in my father's eyes at her catty response, the tightening of his jaw, the raising of his hand again.

"Just stop just stop just stop," I whispered over and over, tightening my eyes until little spirals of light coursed across the blackness of my vision. "Just stop please just stop please please please please..."

But it wouldn't stop.

The only thing I could do now was get the hell out of the house.

* * *

I clutched the tickets in one hand. 

Normally on a Friday morning I would be falling asleep in math class. But today I was on my way to give Ace a pair of tickets to my show. At least, that was what I told myself. In reality, I had to get out of the house and I thought Ace could cheer me up. Around the corner from his apartment, I stumbled onto a beautiful outdoor flower garden and began selecting bouquets for myself. It's kind of my own little ritual. Before opening night of a play, I go out and buy dozens of flowers to fill up my dressing room with. I picked up an orange dahlia and held it to my lips, breathing in its intoxicating scent. For one moment I could almost get the screaming out of my head.

I was just considering some lavender colored tulips when I saw him. It was Ace. His dirty blond hair was messy, just how I liked it, and his arm was slung casually over some girl's shoulder. I knew immediately that it must be his girlfriend Fluor. I had never seen her before. I'd only heard about her second-hand from Ace although he didn't talk much about her when we were together. I think until that exact moment, I had almost believed she didn't exist. She had dark, luscious hair that tumbled down her back in curls. Her lips were small and plump. Her eyes were deep and sparkling. And as they walked together and laughed, her hand played in the bottom of Ace's hair.

I felt lonely seeing Ace there with someone who loved him. I knew that Ace didn't love me, no matter how many times he said he did. We had ended it too many times, told too many lies to each other, fought and yelled and then tumbled into bed to fix all our problems. Our relationship wasn't about love. It was about obsession.

"You slept with him again, didn't you?" my father's words rung in my head.

I felt sick thinking I was anything like my mother. But wasn't I? I was in a number of loveless relationships, playing the victim, like I wasn't asking for it. If I was stronger, I would end things with Ace. I would leave him for good, to find someone who was available to love me. But I couldn't. He was too tempting, too sexy, too raw and full of something I craved night and day. And when he woke up next to me, he'd look at me with something in his eyes that scared and thrilled me at the same time. There was no denying that he desired me. And even if it wasn't love, it made me feel good just long enough to get over the guilt, the shame, the self-hate.

Ace caught my eye. He was warning me to stay away. With one look I felt crumbled inside.

How could he do that with one look?

I felt wrong and tainted, like anyone walking along the streets could look at me and see the scarlet letter burned on my chest. It wasn't fair that Ace's gorgeous girlfriend could smile and play with his hair in a sea of yellow roses and I had to run and hide just because he sent me a warning glance. Why didn't I deserve the same happiness she had?

I held his tickets. I wasn't going to back down to him, even if he was going to be furious. Was there really any harm in pretending that we were friends—just friends—for one day?

"Hey!" I said warmly, turning in time to catch Ace's arm.

"Uhhh..." he started, his eyes wide in surprise at my sudden action.

"Oh! Do you two know each other?" Fluor asked, looking from me to Ace.

I was about to reply yes when Ace replied quickly, "Not really."

I stood there in shock for a moment, tightening my grip around the two tickets I had wanted to give him. I tried to shove the hurt expression from my face, realizing that Ace didn't care about me or my feelings. Finally I managed to say, "Yeah. I guess it was a long time ago."

Ace shrugged. "What was your name again? Himiko or something?"

His eyes were boring into mine, daring me to call him on his lies. For one brief moment I thought of what it would feel like to ruin his relationship, to force the truth from him and make him choose between me and her. But then he turned his face away and kissed his girlfriend on the temple.

Just one, casual kiss.

She let out an annoying giggle.

I tried to stop myself from grabbing the nearest potted plant and throwing it at her head.

It was almost too much. My crumbling insides seem to evaporate on the spot. I felt hollowed out, watching them together. I had no shot in hell of really being with Ace because anywhere outside of his bedroom, we were strangers. He loved her and discarded me. I was his toy. I was what he played with when he couldn't get enough from his girlfriend. I was what he used up at night.

"My name's Minako," I whispered, my lips barely moving.

"Ah, right," Ace said, grabbing his girlfriend's hand and then starting to walk off without so much as a glance backward. "Nice seeing you again, Himiko."

I watched him go.

I felt sick. Ace always managed to make me feel worthless. I would always be second best to him, to everyone. I felt foolish to think he would come to my play and support me. Just as my father couldn't, wouldn't come. Just as my mother would always be disappointing me. I could feel the hot tears now, but I forced myself not to cry. There would be time for that later, when I wasn't surrounded by people on a busy sidewalk, clutching a lavender colored tulip in one hand and a pair of crumpled tickets in the other. To this world, I had to be Minako—fierce and funny, full of life and adventure. To this world, I would always be the Minako I acted out everyday instead of the Minako who was falling apart.

I turned around and started walking down the street in the opposite direction. Then I started running. The urgency I suddenly had to start crying was overwhelming.

My father's roars.

Ace's lips.

My mother's slurs.

How could I have been so stupid? I was supposed to be alone. To think that Minako could be worthy of love, of anyone's love, was unbelievable. I would always be used by the people around me. That's why I did it, wasn't it? That's why I slept with Ace, because I had some pathetic hope that he would see I was worth it. That's why with Yaten I had... and K with all the flirting... and now Rei was back...

Without realizing it I had run all the way to the theater. This was my sanctuary. This was my only home.

I stormed in through the doors.

I heard K call out, "Hey V-Babe, why are you in such a rush?" but I blew right past him. I opened the door to my dressing room and slammed it shut. It was empty. A chair and a cracked mirror were to my right, my costumes were hanging on a nearby rack. The absence of flowers made the hot tears return to my eyes. I fell to my knees and I let myself cry. Once the tears started they wouldn't stop coming. I cried, feeling worthless on the cold theater floor, and everything around me seemed to disappear.

"Minako?"

It was K. Vague, distracting noises. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore.

"Oh, Minako... what's wrong?" I felt him come beside me, his arms encased around me.

"Let me go..." I sobbed, choking on my own words. "Just let me be alone..."

His grip on me tightened as I stared into his chest. "Minako, calm down."

I finally looked up at his steel colored eyes. His expression was laced with concern and something else, something I couldn't describe. I stood up on shaking feet and K followed suit. It was quiet a moment.

"Will you tell me what's wrong?" he asked me.

"No."

"Well, will you still be able to perform tonight? Because if your emotional havoc is going to ruin the show—"

"I'm crying and all you care about is the goddamn show?" I asked, my voice trembling.

"No, Minako. I care—"

"Don't lie to me! I'm sick of being lied to," I shouted, even thought I knew I had no reason to be yelling at K. But like all of our arguments, they escalated quickly.

"I'm not lying," K replied, his voice rising in anger.

"You are! I can tell. The only things you really care about are your job and—"

He interrupted me, his eyes ablaze. "I don't even care about this stupid job," he yelled. "The only reason I even come here is for you—"

"What?" I cut in, "You really expect me to believe that you come to work everyday so you can flirt and fuck around with me?" I let out a harsh laugh. "You've got to be kidding!"

K's eyes were narrowed. Then in one swift movement, he grabbed me roughly.

His lips met mine.

At first I didn't...couldn't protest. When I wordlessly let him continue, his kiss turned from long and sweet into a hungry demand. I let him push me up against the wall, I let his hands wrap around my waist, and I let him kiss me. I struggled weakly in his arms, but a part of me wanted this too. After everything... wasn't this what I wanted?

I thought of Ace, kissing his girlfriend's temple.

I thought of my mother's right arm jerking with a cup of coffee.

I thought of Yaten carelessly flicking his cigarette away.

I shoved K off of me.

I felt a deep pit of fire burning me up from inside. It was something I had never felt before. It was so intense I didn't know how to react to it. So I lashed out in anger. "You have a wife!" I spat at him, tears still running down my face.

Again he grabbed me, his lips coming inches from mine. "I don't love her, Minako."

For one frozen moment all I could feel was his hot breath hitting my mouth. Then I lost my head. I felt helpless when he kissed me again. I distantly realized I was making small sounds of pleasure and K's hands were wandering over my body. My mind was void of any rational thought. I couldn't even think with his mouth pressing violently against mine, eating up any last will I had with passion alone.

Finally, somehow, I managed to push him away again. "Fuck you!" I choked, turning my back to him. "Go home and fuck your WIFE."

His hand latched onto my arm. He turned me around and caught my startled mouth with his again. "I love _you_, Minako," he breathed, ignoring my weak attempts at getting away from him.

"Fuck you," I seethed, my voice quiet in comparison to our harsh kisses.

"I love you, Minako. I love you." He said again and again.

I wanted it. I wanted him. I wanted him to love me like this. I wanted him to take advantage of me. I wanted him to hurt me, to somehow fuck up everything in one moment because it felt so wrong and right at the same time. I knew it was destructive. I knew he could never really love me. But at that moment, I wanted him so bad I didn't bother to shove him away again. I twisted in his arms, withering my body against his and he groaned in pleasure. I couldn't think. I didn't even realize what I was doing as we bumped into the cracked full-length mirror, my arms trembling as the cool glass lay flat against my back.

"K," I pleaded, my voice unsure.

And then he stopped.

Just like that, K stepped away from me. His arms fell to his sides in fists and he studiously looked away from me. I felt the hot tears flooding my eyes at the trained, stone expression etched into his face. He was very artfully trying to hide his regret. Our breathing was irregular and rough, and I stood with my back against the mirror, forcing myself to see the reality of the situation.

K had a wife.

I was seventeen.

He didn't love me.

"I'm sorry Minako," he finally said. "I uh, I don't know what came over me."

"Fuck you," I replied heatedly, my eyes burning with the tears I was holding back.

He turned to look at me, and I could see the desire still threaded in his gaze. My biting comebacks made him crazy, I could tell, but now with my head cleared I wasn't going to let him catch me off guard again.

"Minako..." K started.

"Just go."

We stood in opposition for a moment. As he breathed in, I breathed him out. Then he turned around and walked out of my dressing room.

**A/N:**

Eeep.

Too much?

Too little?

Too fast?

Review?

Next is finally Rei.


	10. Chapter Ten: Rei

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Sailor Moon or Gossip Girl

**A/N:**

Hello again my friends.

For all you who don't remember, Mr. Kaido is a character in Naoko's special manga release called "Casablanca Memory," one of my favorite stories in the entire series of Sailor Moon. Mr. Kaido told Rei he would never want to be a politician because he wouldn't want to "make his daughter sad." But in the end he ends up marrying into politics and Rei asks him why he didn't chose to marry her.

And then they kiss.

::melts::

Ahhh it makes me all girlish and happy just thinking about it.

I LOVE REI-CHAN!

I read all of your reviews over again (all 91 of them) and it made me so happy. I can't really describe my happiness except that it causes me to start dancing and singing like a fool. Really really. You guys are awesome. So thank you again for all your reviews and keep 'em coming (let's reach 100, okay?).

Anyway. This is what I like to call Rei's breakdown.

Hugs,

Mels

**Chapter Ten: Rei**

Another party. Another night.

I held a flute of champagne in one hand, trying my hardest to blend in with the crowd around me. Tonight my father had invited hundreds of his closest friends and business peers to a hotel ballroom, where people were spinning endlessly under the dim lights with one another. They were all whispering, wondering why Hino Takashi would throw an over elaborate party on a Friday night. It had to be important. It had to be something worth their time. To them, it was a chance for some excitement in their otherwise dull lives. Scandals were what they lived for.

I sighed. Friday night and once again I was with my father's colleagues. I would rather be anywhere but here, awkwardly drifting between clumps of middle-aged socialites, forcing pretty but meaningless smiles on my face to avoid their judgmental eyes.

Tonight was opening night of Minako's play.

And Minako... she...had been breathtaking.

I sneaked away from the hotel long enough to see 20 minutes of Minako's play. I had stood in the back of the theater and wordlessly watched her believable performance with a type of fascination I still couldn't describe. She dominated the stage, capturing the audience effortlessly with her ability to pretend she was someone else. I couldn't stop thinking about it, even an hour and half later.

From my spot in the back of the theater, I had seen Minako's believable tears working their magic on the crowd. Her character was living a dramatic and tragic life, one that Minako seemed to understand although her life had always been easy. Those tears were probably the whole reason we were no longer friends. With blue eyes, so genuine in presenting the tragedy she created, I had almost believed that it was all real.

Almost.

But then I remembered that she had always been good at faking it—and now I didn't know who she was anymore. She could have been Minako, fierce and fun loving, my friend... or she could be the character she acted out on stage, faking everything, including us.

I would never be able to tell.

That's what I had been thinking as I bitterly watched Minako finish a tearful monologue, studying the practiced turn of her eyebrow, the trained look of despair written on her face. Then I turned around and walked out of the theater.

Even if I had wanted to stay, I wouldn't have been able to. Tonight was important to my father, although I had no idea why. But like usual, I was expected to attend these events, even if was just to shake hands with random business partners and remind all potential voters that my father was a family man. A joke, really, considering my father has never and will never be what he claims. My father and I could hardly be called family. We didn't talk to one another. We didn't interact. I heard about him in passing, as an afterthought, mentioned briefly by his main assistant Mr. Kaido. But it didn't matter. I was expected to show up and be his charming, serious, politically correct daughter.

It seemed that I committed the same crimes as Minako. While she faked an entire tragedy on stage, I faked my life.

I took another swig from my champagne glass, eyeing the exit hungrily. I'd be surprised if anybody seemed to notice I was missing if I decided to leave right this second. They were all so absorbed in their own pathetic existence, that I hardly registered on their radar at all.

Waiters filtered in around us, offering squid and blow fish cut into tiny delectable treats. But already my insides were squirming. Even though I felt sick, I kept taking drinks from my champagne, attempting to blend in with the crowd.

I saw my father across the room, his arm around one of his secretaries waists. Her name was Beryl. I had seen her around the house a lot lately, hanging around at all hours. I knew they were sleeping together. Her red lipstick stains on his collar were enough evidence for me to believe anything, let alone my father's hand resting dangerously low on her back. I didn't like to think about it.

"Well well well," I heard a voice muse from my left. I turned to see Mamoru come strolling up to me, his confident grin matching his swagger. "If it isn't Hino Rei. It seems I always run into you and your little friends at these types of parties."

Little friends?

I rolled my eyes, fighting off a bitter smile. "Looking for Usagi, are you?"

Mamoru coughed, obviously caught off-guard by my comment. He stopped grinning, his face turning dark in an instant. "Why the hell would I be doing that?"

"No reason," I said lightly, taking a sip of my champagne. I let out a little laugh to mask the familiar prickle of anger I had at the thought of Mamoru and Usagi together. A part of me really wanted to crush his desires so I said, "You wouldn't find her here anyway. We're not friends anymore."

Mamoru raised an eyebrow, quizzically eyeing me through the bottom of my glass, which I had tipped up to my lips again. "Why is that?" he asked.

"No reason," I said once more, twirling around to leave him. For some reason I couldn't stand to be near him knowing that he really was thinking of Usagi. "See ya around, Mamoru."

I worked my way through the party guests, interacting briefly with the ones who pressed it. I was heading towards the exit when I was stopped by a pair of red lips and hands clutching to my arms.

"Rei, darling," Beryl said kissing me on both cheeks and smiling coldly in my direction. "Fabulous party, isn't it?"

"Hm," I grunted, glaring at her.

"You aren't heading for the exit are you? Your father has some pretty exciting news."

"Is that so?" I asked dryly, hardly interested in the web of lies that led his life.

"Watch your tone," she purred, her eyes narrowing, "You wouldn't want to upset your new step-mother would you?"

"What?"

Suddenly I heard my father's voice from the front of the room. He called attention to all the guests with a microphone in one hand and motioned for Beryl to come to his side. Beryl's words were echoing in my mind as I tried to figure out if she had been joking or not. My father started talking, letting out his practiced laughs at just the right moments. And as he talked, Beryl slipped her hands around him, smiling at me through feline eyes.

I took a deep breath and tried to focus on the words my father was saying.

He raised his glass and took Beryl's hand in his own. And then he said the words I will probably never forget:

"We're getting married!"

It took me a few moments to even realize I heard him properly. By then, an eruption of applause had started around the room and swept up underneath my feet, making me feel like I might faint from the noise alone. People were bumping into me, grabbing my arms and kissing my face. They congratulated me with fake smiles and sparkling eyes, as if I was the one to congratulate. There were more distant sounds of champagne bottles popping open. I hated that sound. Our party guests weren't actually happy for my father's engagement. They were simply glad to have another excuse to drain the contents of the available alcohol supply.

I mindlessly allowed my body to get passed through the crowd, my feet stumbling beneath me.

I felt bodies running into mine.

I felt someone pour more champagne in my glass, causing it to overflow.

I felt the bubbling liquid slide in between my fingers, dripping down my wrist towards my elbow.

I felt my mouth pressed into a forced smile.

And I felt nothing.

I swirled around, needing something—anything—to jolt me out of my state of numbness. I gulped my champagne desperately, it's remains dribbling down my chin and on my dress. I grabbed another flute of alcohol, forcing it down my throat. Almost instantly people were cheering with me, clinking their glasses against mine. I reacted automatically, grinning and graciously saying, "thank-you" to the swarm of people I hardly knew. I wandered over to the bar, knowing the only way I could survive another minute at this party was to keep drinking until I couldn't remember anything. Already I was feeling tipsy, and the bubbling champagne was just the right companion for the roaring in my ears, screaming at me, crumbling my insides until I felt like I might collapse.

_She had been there that night, hadn't she?_

_She had been there the night my mother died._

I vaguely realized Mamoru had idled up to me, watching as I finished another glass of champagne.

"You better slow down, Rei," he said sagely, raising his eyebrow at me.

"But why?" I asked sweetly, snatching his glass of cognac out from his hands. He seemed surprised by my forward movements but I didn't care. "It's the perfect occasion to celebrate." With a fading grin I downed his drink and handed him the empty glass.

"You're underage, you know," Mamoru pointed out, looking from his empty glass to me.

"Leave me alone," I snapped.

I shoved my way past him and stumbled over towards the throngs of people in the middle of the room, all surrounding my father and his fiancée as he moved his way towards the door.

_Beryl had been there the night my mother died._

_My father cheated on my mother while she was dying._

_With her._

_And now she was here, clutching onto my father with a giant diamond on her finger._

I turned, too sickened to look at them together anymore, and bumped into Mr. Kaido. I grabbed a hold of his tie and hit my champagne glass against his. I was smiling again, but something about the look in his eyes made me stop. When he tried to take my flute of champagne away from me, I nearly snarled at him.

He sighed, gently grabbing me by the elbow and saying into my ear, "Rei, I know how you must be feeling."

"How would you know?" I asked darkly, trying to disregard the look in his eyes.

"Listen, you can't do anything about it. Not here. Not now."

"I'm not going to do anything," I said, anger flaring in my voice. I suddenly realized that my hands were trembling and I had moved my grip from Mr. Kaido's tie to his jacket collar. "I'm not going to do anything that bastard doesn't deserve."

Mr. Kaido reached up and gripped my hands in his. It was supposed to be a reassuring action, I knew, but it made me even more angry. Mr. Kaido's cool refinement and comforting gesture made me feel like I might explode with the anger coiling up inside of me. I knew I had to get the hell away from everyone before I let myself.

I broke free of his arms before he could say anything else and stormed out of the ballroom and into the hallway. Two elevator doors were in front of me, both lined with ceiling high mirrors. I looked at my reflection, ragged and torn, my eyes dark and dangerous, as if threatening anyone who dared to approach me. My whole body was shaking with something I couldn't describe.

I hated my father at that moment.

I heard a door opening behind me. I heard the polished sound of footsteps in the marble hallway. And then his voice:

"Rei, I need to speak with you."

I took in a breath. Then another. I wasn't mentally prepared for the battle I knew we were about to begin.

"What is it?" I barked, turning around to face my father. My anger was my protection. It was my father who had taught me that.

"I want to know what you think about the engagement," He said coolly, ignoring my obvious anger.

"What do you care?" I asked, my eyes locking into his.

"I do," he replied quickly, his arms strictly at his sides, feet shoulder-width apart. "You are my daughter."

I couldn't believe he would lie so openly to me. _If he cared he would have told me about the engagement before he told a room of strangers. If he cared he wouldn't have abandoned my mother when she was dying. If he cared he wouldn't have sent me off to boarding school alone. If he cared he would have been my father when I needed him to be my father._

When I didn't say anything, he motioned for me to follow him. "Come with me, Rei. Let's sit down and talk somewhere."

"There's nothing to talk about," I replied, hardly hiding my fury.

"Rei," he warned, his voice rising in that controlled rumble he used so often.

I wanted to lash out instantly. I tired to control myself but I could still feel the words screaming to get out of me, sticking to the inside of my mouth, waiting for their chance to unleash out of my lips like venom onto my father's sickening scowl. His false concern was written on his face, not because he actually cared about my reaction, but because he cared about his image in the government. He didn't want me to ruin that perfect image he had worked so hard to maintain by becoming the unbalanced, emotional wreck I was.

His stern glare matched mine with unnerving confidence, daring me to try defying him.

"Don't call us father and daughter anymore," I seethed through clenched teeth, my eyes drilling into his. "You're a joke! You left me alone in Europe because you didn't want to deal with me. All you've done is wrong me!" I saw his expression harden, his eyes bulging out in anger. I didn't stop. "You left mama all alone too. You didn't even come when she was dying!"

My father's jaw was clenched, but with many years of practice, he knew how to control himself. His cold expression hadn't changed and I couldn't stand it. I wanted him to react. I wanted him to show one trace of real emotion.

"You're scum!" I yelled in his face, eyes ablaze.

"I had work, Rei," he said loudly but calmly. "I've told you many times before. During your mother's time and yours, I had work."

I turned away from him, unable to look him in the eyes anymore. "Don't blame your work!" I said, "It's just... you didn't care about Mama or me, right? And you still don't."

My father sighed, stepping closer to me once again. He was taking in shaking breaths, trying to calm the anger I'm sure he was feeling. But he hadn't become a successful politician by succumbing to his emotions. Out of everyone, my father was best at cold negotiating through even the most heated debates.

When he spoke, his voice was different. It was the voice he used in press conferences, to his assistants, and ninety-five percent of the time, to me. "Let's stop this talk, Rei. Come eat with your father and we can discuss this."

"I'll never!" I raged, swirling around to face him again. My voice was shrill and biting. "I'm sure Mama would say it now... that marrying papa... and letting her die like that... How pitiful! MISERABLE!"

I sensed his reaction before I felt it. His eyes had widened in rage and for one hot minute, he lost his controlled cool. He raised his hand and brutally brought it down across my left cheek, making me cry out. I sat there with shaking hands clutching the side of my face as I slowly realized what he had just done. The tears were flooding my eyes involuntarily, and I choked on my own sobs, trying to stop them as my father yelled.

"Don't force your own sorrows on your mother!" He roared. "What do you understand?!"

My face throbbed in pain and I tried to stop the tears from falling down my face. I was scared of him at that moment. But my convictions remained. I knew I could never look at him the same way anymore. I had faked it for so long, but to think of my father marrying another woman was too much. I would never forgive him.

I snapped my head up to glare at him, my hand still clutching the side of my swelling face. "Don't ever approach me again," I said clearly.

His glare hardly dampened. His fists remained curled into tight balls.

The elevator doors to my right opened and a crowd of people got off. I turned and walked into the elevator, not breaking my glare from my father's until the doors finally closed between us. For a few shaking moments, I remained frozen and composed as the elevator started taking me to the hotel suite my father owned on the top floor. But the longer I tried to contain myself, the harder it got. Before I knew it, I was sobbing alone in an elevator.

The bell sounded.

The elevator doors opened, revealing the private, presidential floor.

I walked out into the hallway and towards the double doors to our suite, but before I got there I heard the second chime of the elevator on our floor. I knew who it would be before I even turned around. I was sure my father would send somebody to watch over me, make sure I didn't lose my head or do anything rash. But I was broken down from the fight with my father. I didn't have any more energy left in me to struggle anymore.

"Rei." I heard Mr. Kaido say.

I didn't speak. I didn't turn around. I held my threatening tears between closed eyes.

"Rei," Mr Kaido said again, his voice startling close to me. I opened my eyes and saw him hovering in front of me, moving closer with each passing moment.

"You came because my father sent you," I said harshly. "I don't want your forced pity. I don't want—"

He interrupted me by grabbing me and holding me in his arms. Again his comforting hands worked their infuriating magic on me. He began stroking my hair and wordlessly tightened his grip on me. When he spoke it was quietly, with a wavering vulnerability that surprised me.

"You're mother is gone...We all miss her...But we can't stop living our lives..."

The way he said "we" made a chill roll up my spine. I searched his eyes and saw the buried pain there, the slight tug on his mouth downward whenever he looked at me, the forced composure.

_We all miss her..._

"What do you know?" I asked him, my voice raw from all the emotion I was hiding. "What do you know about losing the person who means most to you? You just work for my father. You're only here comforting me because that's what your paid to do!"

"Calm down," he said quietly, but I continued my raving, even though I knew it was pointless to be yelling at Mr. Kaido.

"You're no better than my father! That's why you go to dinner with me on my birthdays! That's why you sent me casablancas when I was away in Europe! That's why you're here right now, isn't it?!"

He mumbled into my hair something hardly audible. "Please Risa..."

I wheeled up to glare at him with narrowed eyes. My mind seemed to be working in slow motion as I eyed the way his lips pursed together at his slip-up and I felt his fingers tightening around my arms.

"That's my mother's name," I hissed unnecessarily, my anger nearly foaming at my mouth.

He didn't say anything. He just set his heavy gaze on mine.

_We all miss her..._

Each piece seemed to fall together in my mind as I stood inches from him. It was true, wasn't it? Mr. Kaido's guarded distance, always avoiding getting close to me except in these rare moments when he held me so intimately he almost fooled me into submission. With Mr. Kaido's arms around me, so natural in the way he held me, like he had done it hundreds of times before, it seemed so obvious. He was almost trembling beneath me for God's sake. And when he looked at me, it was with something hidden in his eyes, something familiar and sure, like he knew a secret about me. And now... why would he care if my father got married? Why would he call me by my mother's name?

_We all miss her..._

"Oh my god," I said softly, backing away from him.

"Rei..."

"Don't you mean Risa?" I growled, shoving my way through him. "They all say I look just like her." He grabbed my arm before I got too far away.

"I loved her very much," he breathed, his voice so quiet I had to lean in to hear it.

"I'm sure you did," I seethed. "I'm sure you just loved to break apart her marriage."

I was surprised when Mr. Kaido's grip around me tightened and he drew me closer to him. His eyes were filled with heat and anger and for the first time, I was scared of Mr. Kaido. Normally so cool and collected, seeing this new startling display of emotion from him left me dumbfounded.

"That marriage had been over for years," he said, "You knew that just as well as I did. I loved your mother when...during the whole... even with the spells of sickness... it was genuine..." he paused, composing his thoughts for a moment. "Mr. Hino had stopped loving her a long time ago..."

My brain felt like it had been shot. I couldn't put it all into perspective. All I had in my mind were the two horrifying realizations that both of my parents had been liars. Even my poor mother, who I had always thought was the victim of a loveless marriage, who died alone without her husband's support... she had been deceiving my father too?

With Mr. Kaido...?

He was still looking at me. Looking at me with the heated gaze of a lover, one who was longing for my dead mother, seeing my pale and pretty face, my thin wrists as traits my mother possessed. Looking at me like he used to look at his beloved Risa.

Was everything I knew a lie?

"Get the hell away from me," I grated between clenched teeth.

He let me go.

I felt the reluctance for his arms to leave me, but I didn't care. Or at least, I thought I didn't care. But when he said my name again, I couldn't keep walking. I stopped and stood there, frozen by his voice, so sincere and filled with a type of longing I couldn't bear to crush. So we stood there, both motionless, my back facing him.

I knew I wasn't angry at Mr. Kaido. He had been nothing but perfect to me. When I was little, while my mother was having one of her spells and my father was off on business, it was Mr. Kaido who would be there for me. After all these years, Mr. Kaido was still the one who bought my birthday presents instead of my father. After all these years, I should have seen it sooner. I should have realized the reason he was always at the house wasn't for me or my father... it was for my mother... my beautiful, sick, pale and weak mother...

I didn't know what to say to him.

"Beryl is only marrying your father for political reasons. I'm sure you know... it's more business than love."

"It doesn't matter," I answered stiffly, forcing composure into my voice. "My father and his actions stopped being a concern of mine a long time ago."

"It still bothers you," Mr. Kaido said, his words penetrating into my strongest hold against them. The way he spoke made me feel like he was looking right through me, reading each thought as it passed through my mind. I realized suddenly that he had gotten closer to me, and when I turned to look at him his eyes pierced mine. But even though he had masked the vulnerability in his gaze, his arms were once again trembling at his sides at he neared me. I didn't step away from him.

"Rei..." His arm reached up to my face and I realized then that I was crying. I also realized that I was a little drunk and wasn't thinking clearly about any of this.

"All this time with me... you've been thinking about my mother," I said as he drew nearer. I wondered distantly what my mother used to call Mr. Kaido when whispering sweet nothings under sheets they shared together... I didn't even know his first name...

"You look just like her," he said softly, his lips meeting my bruised cheek and running along across my face into my hair. He grabbed a hold of me and held me tightly in his grasp for the second time that night. "And your temper... it's just the same..." My anger seemed to slowly be melting away as I felt his strong arms around me, soothing me into this intimate submission that wasn't really mine to have.

I stared blankly into his chest, breathing in his intoxicating scent. I realized that he needed me at this moment just as much as I did, that it was painful to see me everyday while working for the man that abandoned the woman he had loved. I realized that I felt safe and warm in his arms and I didn't want to leave them, even though my insides were in turmoil from all the lies, the deceit, the death and confusion surrounding my life. I didn't know why I let Mr. Kaido hold me like that. I didn't know how I felt about my father's engagement. I didn't know anything except for the yesness of his grip, the unexplainable feeling filling me up.

He was my mother's lover...And I wanted to know what she called him. I wanted to know his name.

"Mr. Kaido... what is your first name?" I finally asked.

"It's Jedite."

I let the word roll over my tongue as I mouthed it silently into his chest. It was a good name. It was easy to say. And I wanted to say it over and over again.

"Jedite," I said out loud, finally looking up at him again.

His eyes met mine.

But suddenly the chime of the elevator alerted us to another guest. Mr. Kaido let go of me and I all I could think about was the abrupt feeling of coldness when his body left mine. We both turned to see who was coming up to the private suite. Beryl came stumbling out of the elevator hanging onto the tuxedo jacket of one of the party guests. My heart seemed to lodge in my throat when I realized it was Mamoru she was hanging onto.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded even though I already knew the answer.

Beryl came strolling up to me. She grabbed a hold of my tender face with one hand and I fought down the urge to cry out. Her dark red nails dug into my swelled cheek as her glare met mine in contempt.

"I'm doing whatever the hell I please," she said. "Don't go running off to daddy and tell him all your lies."

I laughed, feeling sick to my stomach. "I'm the liar?"

She finally let go of my face and I began wondering why Mr. Kaido hadn't stepped in to intervene or help me. I glanced at him and he was standing by obediently, his head down. Seeing him there like that made all of my anger and emotion from earlier come rushing back at me. Nothing had been fixed. My father was still going to marry this awful woman and Mr. Kaido... Jedite...He was just like the rest of them, wasn't he?

"And you," I spat, turning my face to Mamoru. "She's an engaged woman now, you know! You can't just go around fucking my future step mother!"

Mamoru darkened expression remained as I blew past him, leaving them all behind. I caught the elevator doors before they closed as I heard Beryl sneer, "Unstable little rat, isn't she?"

The moment the elevator doors opened on the ground floor I was out of there. I started running, unsure of where I was going, but not caring anymore. I just had to get away from everything. I had been deceived my entire life, by parents who pretended to be married while going behind each other's backs with various lovers. If even my mother lied to me, the woman I thought I knew best, then how could anything else be true?

I was running blindly now. I had made my way outside into the cold night air and just kept running. My lungs burned because I wasn't even trying to breath anymore. I let my body take over and kept running until I felt like I might collapse. The tears that had started in my eyes seemed to be dripping off of every inch of my face. But I didn't care. I couldn't. It hurt too much to care anymore.

I stopped running and stood in the middle of the sidewalk, gasping for breath. I wondered why I had somehow ended up here, of all places. Was it a coincidence? Or had my unconscious mind just taken me here?

"Rei?"

I swirled around and saw Usagi coming out of her building. She was wearing a navy colored rain jacket that made her almost blend into the darkness that surrounded her. She saw my tear-streaked and swollen face, my trembling shoulders and almost instantly she was holding me, whispering into my ear.

"What happened? Rei... Oh Rei, you're shaking."

It was quiet for a long time and all I could hear was my ragged breathing, labored after my panicked running. Usagi smelled like honey and vanilla. She smelled like I imagine home would smell like.

"Is everything I know a lie?" I finally gasped, too worn, too tired to try and force any strength into my voice.

"I'm not," she stated firmly, with just enough confidence to reassure me. I wanted to believe her. It would be so easy to believe her, to trust those navy eyes, so genuine in their concern for me, as if she was honestly feeling my own hardships. But like Minako, would I ever be able to tell when she was faking it? Would I always be surrounded by the lies and the deceit of my peers and now... even my family?

I didn't know if I could believe her. I didn't know if I had it in me anymore. I didn't know if I had anything left in me.

"Rei... Come with me. You shouldn't be alone tonight." 

Even though everything in my personal experience told me not to, I agreed.

"Okay," I breathed, whipping away my tears.

**A/N:**

Omgomgomgomg. Are Rei and Usagi going to stay friends? Is Mr. Hino really going to marry Beryl? Can't we all just get along? Is your crazy author ever going to get any homework done????

I have no idea. Stop asking me.

And about Mr. Kaido... does it work for all of you? I always thought that he looked like Jedite... that narrow jaw and his broad shoulders and his blond hair... Review please!!

Also, some of the dialog between Rei and her father is taken directly from the PGSM series. ;-) Ten points to you if you knew that.

Next up is Usagi... I think. And there is going to be a raving after-party with the whole crew for Minkao's play. Woo-hoo! More boys! More drama! More swear words!!

Fab.


	11. Chapter Eleven: Usagi

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Sailor Moon

**A/N:**

I'VE MISSED YOU ALL SO MUCH.

Sorry this update took sooooo long. School is slowly killing me. WHY MUST I GET UP AT NINE A.M. WHY??? Your reviews are what keep me alive. Let's beat my other story, ne?

I've had mixed reviews about the whole Kaido/Jedite thing, but I'm sticking to my guns. ::grin:: To all of you who were worried about how old he was… hah, yeah. I imagine him to be probably 10-11 years older than Rei… so maybe 27 or 28 (he was young when he was with Risa in my mind). Mamoru, K and Nephrite I'm imagining around 22. They are all too old for the girls they are pursuing, but… that's what makes it so scandalous can't you seeee?

Hahaha.

Shut up you know you love it.

Anyway, feel free to give me feedback. And hopefully you like this chapter. :-)

Woosah,

Mels

P.S. omgomgomgomgomg.

**Chapter Eleven: Usagi**

It was 11:30 p.m.

The after-party was being held in an old, abandoned warehouse, which has been a frequent spot for many illegal parties throughout our high school years. Above me in one of the upper lofts, Seiya's band was playing loud music through thick speakers on the main floor. I clutched Rei's hand with my own as we weaved in and out of the crowd. People were drunk. They were dancing. They were gossiping about tonight's play. They were yelling Seiya's name. I tried not to think about it as I heard his voice rising through the noise of the party.

_"__You think you know everything, but do you see me bite my lips—?__"_

"Where are we going?" Rei yelled from behind me.

"Upstairs!" I replied, finally reaching the stairs that would take us to the upper loft.

Rei still seemed agitated, almost impatient, and I was worried about her being in such a crazy environment when she was obviously still emotionally overwhelmed. I heard a group of girls screaming Seiya's name and I tightened my hand around Rei's wrist.

_"You keep f__ighting me, but my eyes are free—Do you know who tender kisses are for—__?"_

"Remember when we would come here in ninth grade?" I hollered over my shoulder, attempting to block out the image of screaming girls flinging themselves at my rock star boyfriend as we climbed the stairs.

Rei shrugged. "I guess," was her only reply.

_"Reveal to me where tender kisses land, on tainted skin—is this what sin feels like?"_

We reached the upper-deck of the warehouse and I instantly saw Seiya on an impromptu stage, singing wildly into a microphone. I couldn't stop the excitement I felt at seeing him up there in nice black slacks with no shirt on. He was sweating. He was a rock star. He was my boyfriend.

Kind of.

I suddenly felt a very strong pat on my back and I heard Makoto's thunderous voice come from behind, "You'll NEVER believe what I just saw!"

I swirled around to face her, honestly grateful to see that she looked healthy and happy, despite what I had heard about her fainting spell. She waved at Rei and Rei actually smiled at her.

Minako popped up abruptly behind Mako, her eyes narrowed suspiciously at her tall, brunette friend. "Don't believe a word she says!" she hissed.

Mako winked at me confidently and swung an arm around Minako's shoulders. "Come on, don't try to deny it. I happen to know for a FACT, that Minako was recently spotted in a secluded corner MAKING OUT with Yaten. She's been doing it ALL NIGHT LONG," Mako stated bluntly, grinning at me through the shrieks of denial that Minako began spewing.

"I have NOT been doing any such thing!" Minako cried, pushing Mako away and pacing back and forth. She tossed her golden ponytail over one shoulder indignantly, looking just like the actress she was. "Can't a girl SIT on a guy's lap without the world coming to an end? I swear, it's like MINAKO what are you doooing on Yaten's lap? And I'm like, HELLO? I'm sitting. Is that A CRIME? We're not having SEX in front of you, we are just SITTING together. And so what if we kissed? That's not MAKING OUT ALL NIGHT LONG MAKO!"

I started laughing out loud, forgetting for an instant, that my stomach was squirming. Minako was strutting around, continuing her raving. Mako and I were laughing too hard to speak. Somewhere between my giggles I noticed Rei, who remained strictly standing, arms folded, her eyes holding an unplaceable anger. Seeing the misery so clearly written in that violet gaze made my laughter die down softly. I tried smiling at Rei but she continued her frowning.

I knew I had to make more of an effort to bring her into our conversations—to make her feel like she was part of our group again. It was my responsibility; I had invited her.

"So was Mamoru at your dad's party?" I blurted out suddenly, dragging my eyes away from her and back to Seiya, who I secretly hoped would be looking in my direction. He wasn't. It took me a few seconds to really realize what I had asked but by then the words had been swallowed up into the hum of the crowd. I looked to see Rei's reaction and the expression on her face made me regret what I said almost instantly although I wasn't sure why.

"Mamoru is a bastard."

I giggled nervously, trying to figure out if she was being honest or not.

"He makes me laugh," I replied vacantly.

"Mamoru? He's hot," Minako interjected, suddenly becoming interested in our conversation and dropping her raving about Yaten.

"And rich," Mako pointed out, nudging me in the ribs.

"He's fucking my soon-to-be step mother," Rei interrupted, scowling, "He's a bastard. And he's a bastard that's completely hung up on you, Usagi."

I eyed Rei cautiously while playing with the end of my hair with one hand. I had known Mamoru for almost four years now but I had never suspected him having any feelings for me. Unless, of course, that feeling was annoyance, which he often expressed was my most prominent effect. And since when did Rei become so blunt? Was she drunk?

"What! No way," Minako argued. "He's just flirtatious. Plus I've heard he sleeps with everyone…"

"Sounds like you," Rei shot back, glaring at Minako.

"Excuse me?" Minako barked, "That is none of your business."

I coughed, trying to stop the heated moment between my two friends. "Rei, what makes you think Mamoru is…?" I trailed off, unable to finish. I was trying to appear nonchalant but was failing miserably. Already my fingers were twirling the ends of my hair fretfully around and around again.

"It's obvious, baka. He's like a puppy that follows you around." She said, turning her glare away from Minako and back to me. "But I swear to God Usagi, if you even start… He's a rich son-of-a-bitch playboy," she warned.

I shut my mouth to force myself from asking anymore questions. I was already pushing the limit with Rei. If I wanted to keep her talking with me then I had to change the subject again.

Suddenly I noticed Ami come stumbling out of the mess of the dance floor. She was wearing an overly large wool coat and had dark circles under her eyes. I waved at her and she waved back meekly as she headed over towards us.

"I thought you weren't coming tonight," I said loudly over the roar of a new song, which sent the crowd into a round of wild hollers.

Ami shrugged half-heartedly as if that was offering any kind of answer. When she saw that I wasn't satisfied she said, "We all have to celebrate Minako's success, don't we?"

Minako grinned proudly. "Indeed we do. I was fabulous after all."

I noticed Rei roll her eyes and then Ami said, "Almost everybody in here is screaming Seiya's name."

"Who the hell is Seiya?" Rei asked.

I sighed, letting the ends of my hair go and muttered, "Just this guy I'm seeing."

"Whatever. He's totally your boyfriend," Minako declared, smiling at me and batting her eyelashes.

"You have a boyfriend?" Rei demanded.

I looked towards Mako for support while shifting around uncomfortably. "Well, sort of."

"He's in the band," Mako piped up.

"Your boyfriend is a rock star?" Rei scoffed, smirking at me. "God Usagi, could you become anymore of a cliché?"

"He's not really my boyfriend," I said defensively, looking towards the throbbing dance crowd. "He just kind of… you know…"

"Are you sleeping with him?" Rei asked pointedly, interrupting me.

I sat there for a full ten seconds dumbly, unable to answer her question. I could see the judgment laced in her eyes. That pitted stare reminded me of someone, and with a sickening lurch in my stomach I knew it was Mamoru I was thinking of. He, too, had thought I was foolish for being with Seiya. Of course, neither of them knew Seiya like I did, or the way he made me feel. But somehow, with her glare piercing into my inner doubts about my relationship with Seiya, I felt small and unsure. The worm of doubt I tried to suppress started eating away at my stomach and I knew I needed to see Seiya, to be in his arms again to make this feeling go away. I noticed that Minako and Mako had fallen silent and were waiting attentively for my response as well. In fact, several people around us had done the same, watching me for some sort of answer. As dozens of eyes flooded my field of vision I suddenly didn't feel like I could take it anymore.

"I have to go," I said quietly, turning away from everyone looking at me.

"She's off again," I heard Mako mutter.

"Where are you going…?" Minako called but by then I was out of arms reach and weeding my way through all the people dancing, jumping, thrashing around. I headed towards the stage, where Seiya was alive in front of the crowd—sexy and unattainable to the dozens of girls surrounding him.

Except me.

I smiled up at him and he caught my eye. "I love you!" he yelled spontaneously into the microphone and everyone around me exploded into cheers. Even as the girls around him screamed "I love you" back, he kept his eyes pinned on mine. He loved me. There was no doubt about that, was there?

Seiya smiled confidently and I tried to smile back at him, letting the music fill up the noise in my head. But my insides were in knots.

What was wrong with me?

* * *

I waited outside for him. 

It was freezing, of course, and I wasn't dressed for the weather at all. I cursed my choice of clothing, a short skirt with pumps, as I absentmindedly aligned the heels of my shoes with the cracks in the pavement.

"Hey there gorgeous," a voice said.

I turned to see Seiya come outside, wearing a hooded sweatshirt with his nice slacks. He was grinning at me and breathing deeply, surely from all the singing he had been doing.

"Hi."

He wrapped his long and lean arms around me and for one brief moment I felt warm and safe in them. But then he let go.

"How's my babe?" Seiya asked, rocking back and forth onto the balls of his feet. He was full of energy, his eyes alight with the liveliness of living his dream. I watched as he tapped his fingers together, drumming them to an imaginary tune I would never hear.

"I'm cold," I said, debating whether I should tell him about my other mixed up emotions. "I'm worried about Rei…"

"God Usagi, you are just so beautiful," he interrupted, coming up and kissing me abruptly. His warm mouth surprised me, but it was inviting and familiar. I loved the way he tasted, especially in the cold night air.

"You were great out there," I mumbled, as he kissed my cheek, my temple, my earlobe.

"Ah, jeez I know what you mean!" he said enthusiastically, smiling broadly and running his hands up and down my arms to keep me warm. "It's just… amazing! I can't describe it. Being up in front of that crowd. God. It's fucking wild."

I smiled, but my heart wasn't in it. I adored his eagerness, so fresh and young. But why, why, why couldn't I stop this feeling in the pit of my stomach? I had to say something. I had to get Rei's burning eyes out of my head.

"Seiya…" I started, shivering under his grasp. "Are you my boyfriend?"

I wanted to swallow up my words the instant they left my lips. I felt so dumb, like a little girl hopefully clinging onto a guy who could never be hers. I blushed almost instantly, and his hesitance made the pit in my stomach grow. Was he with other girls? Was I just one of many? Did he fool me into thinking I was the only one?

"I love you, Usagi," he said, not answering the question. Again his lips met mine and I got lost in their tenderness, even though his whole body was alive with energy. I didn't know what we were, but it felt so right to be in his arms it had to be something, didn't it? He broke away from me and raised an eyebrow. "You worry too much, you know that?"

"I know," I said softly, looking downward.

"Want me to walk you home before the next set?" he asked, blowing warm air into his hands and avoiding my eyes.

I paused, wondering why he thought I would be heading home already. Was it because he wanted me to go home now?

"I-uhm, no. I'm heading home with some of the girls," I lied.

"Alright. Well I'll call ya later sometime, ok? Be safe." With one last kiss, he jetted inside the warehouse doors, leaving me standing in the cold alone.

I hated the idea of leaving him at the party with tons of girls screaming his name, but for some reason I couldn't go back inside. I didn't want to face Rei or her judgments. I didn't want to deal with Ami's sullen sorrow, or Minako's need for attention. Tonight, I wanted to be with him, just him… but it seemed his music, the crowd, all the girls who worshiped him would always make him stay even when I wanted to leave.

I started walking towards my house, burying my hands into my thin navy jacket as I turned towards the empty streets of Tokyo. It was freezing outside, and trying to warm up my legs with quick strides only made my feet kept slipping on the slick pavement.

"I hate this," I muttered to nobody, tears thoughtlessly falling down my cheeks.

I thought about Seiya. He was earnest. He was charming. He was willing to say "I love you" in front of a whole screaming crowd. He was for real, he had to be. There was nothing false about being in his arms. I thought about his shining eyes, how joyful he seemed singing in front of a crowd. I thought about how eager he was to kiss me, to remind me how beautiful I was. But then why... why couldn't I officially be his? Why did I feel like he had rejected me? Why was I stuck in this limbo, walking home alone on a Friday night, thinking about everybody else he was with instead of me?

I don't know how long I kept walking, but I didn't care. I winded my way down narrow streets, avoiding the overcrowded boulevards of downtown. For some reason, I wanted to be alone.

"Hey Odango," I heard a voice call out.

I turned to see Mamoru in a sleek black car. He came to a halt in the empty street and grinned at me through his rolled down window.

I instantly started wiping the tears from my eyes, but he didn't seem to notice. "Need a ride?" he asked.

"No," I said harshly, turning away from him.

"What do you mean no? You're in a ridiculous skirt and it looks like it might rain…"

As the words left his lips I noticed a small, floating flake of snow fall in front of my eyes. I stared at it in wonderment, forgetting for a moment about my shivering, my saddening, my restless feet standing still.

"It's snowing," I mumbled, my eyes turning upward, where I saw light-colored clouds among patches of dark sky. Everything seemed lighter with the shine of the city lights hitting distant clouds, filling up the sky with a glowing quality. The snow began to fall quickly, but it took lazy paths, creating swirling patterns in the sky. Was it a coincidence? Did it usually snow in autumn? How did Mamoru always seem to find me when I was trying to be alone?

My view was suddenly obstructed when Mamoru's concerned face filled my field of vision. He had gotten out of his car and was looking at me solemnly. "Are you alright?"

I blinked up at him, and I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks. I hadn't even realized I was crying again.

"I said your name four times," he said after I remained silent.

I didn't answer, turning to see his car idly sitting in the narrow and quiet street, his headlights shining. In the path of light I could see an endless tumble of snowflakes swirling down softly before disappearing to the darkness that surrounded our feet. Was it a coincidence?

"Hey," he said again and I snapped my head to look at him. "What's wrong?"

His dark eyes seemed genuine in their concern for me, and for one brief moment I thought what it would be like to tell him everything. I had an unnerving urge to bury my face into his jacket and burrow under his strong arms to forget everything I could about my life. I wanted it. I wanted him to comfort me, even though I knew it was foolish.

But then I saw his lips fold into the smallest of smirks and instantly I recoiled from him, fixing an untiring scowl on my face. Chiba Mamoru was the last person in the world I would want to tell about the mixed tangle of emotions inside of me. He was arrogant and critical, no doubt musing about what could possibly be troubling a small and shivering high school student on a Friday night. I doubt he would even care. It was all just a game to him.

I tried to ignore the rapid thudding in my ribcage, which seemed to grow louder with every moment. As I sat there staring into his stormy eyes, I secretly longed for them to shut me up, to make my restless feet stop moving for once.

But then I turned around and started walking away from him.

"Just forget about it." I said, already walking across the street through his shining headlights. I thought about his infuriating way of picking apart my most intimate faults. I thought about that irritating smirk. I couldn't handle it tonight. Not tonight.

I felt a hand on my wrist.

He said my name, but like all the other times he had said it that night, it was lost in the fog of my mind.

"Can't you just… wait? Just wait, Usagi."

"For what?" I choked, too terrified to move from my spot and also too terrified to stay.

"You always run away… I can't…I can't keep watching you go," he said quietly. I noticed a lone snowflake fall onto the bridge of his nose. I didn't move. I didn't breath. He continued, "Do you even know what you're running away from?"

We stood there motionless, as the snow came floating down between us.

"What do you mean?" I asked, afraid of the answer.

"You really have no idea," Mamoru murmured, a sort of wonderment written across his face. It twisted into a devilish smirk. "I swear to God Usagi, you're so stupid."

I furrowed my brows, unwilling to look at him with that self-importance smeared across his face and dripping down the corner of his lips. He was basically oozing with the kind of chilling confidence that made my head spin. How could he speak so personally about me? How could he think it's a game, even now, as I was standing there almost crying in the middle of the street?

I wanted to say something. I wanted to shut up this quality running in the back of my mind. I wanted to make him stop.

But he kept going.

"Not only are you stupid," Mamoru drawled sardonically, "But you pout. Constantly. You're doing it now."

"I'm not," I said, biting back tears.

"You are. You're almost crying."

"Well what do you expect from me Mamoru?" I yelled suddenly, the anger creeping on me without me even realizing, "Whenever you show up you're a complete asshole to me. You act so arrogant I can't stand it. You know NOTHING about me!"

"I know more than you would think," he said, ignoring my overly emotional response.

"Don't even kid yourself! You think I'm just a stupid, careless rich girl with a beautiful life."

"You are."

"You don't know the first thing about my problems," I snapped, my eyes involuntarily flooding with tears as I thought about Rei and Seiya.

"Problems?" And he laughed.

I hated that laugh. I hated it. I hated it.

"Yes."

He set his eyes on mine, his grin fading as he realized how serious I was about all of this. He sighed and finally said, "Tell me them, then."

"Excuse me?"

"Tell me your problems. If they are so tragic, then spill them out. Let's hear it."

"Shut up," I said loudly, realizing that he was mocking me once again, "I'm not telling you anything."

"That's because you have nothing to tell," he started smugly. "You are a stupid, careless rich girl with a beautiful life. You have two loving parents. A multitude of friends. And a type of power over every room you enter that anybody would envy."

I opened my mouth to reply but then shut it. His voice had taken on an indisputable quality that caught me off guard. I studied his stance, which had suddenly become more flustered as he shoved hands into pockets only to remove them moments later. When he started pacing I realized that he had wanted to say this to me for a long time. And even though I tried to tell myself that I didn't care, that what he thought of me meant nothing… I couldn't help it. I did care.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I ventured quietly, keeping my eyes pinned on his agitated gaze, which couldn't seem to stay on mine for more than a brief moment.

"Don't you notice that every time you enter a room, people are looking at you? They nearly flock to you for God's sake. Are you that oblivious? You're only 17 and you could have any guy you wanted."

I took in a deep breath, trying to disregard the severity of his words but not being able to. I ran them over and over again in my mind, distantly knowing that he wasn't just talking senselessly. Seiya's gaze was in my mind, pinned on me among a crowd screaming girls. If I could really have any guy I wanted, then why didn't I have him? Rei was in my mind too, saying _"he's completely hung up __on y__ou… he's like a pupp__y__ that follows __you around…"_

"And you?" I asked, my voice floating among the snow in Mamoru's headlights.

"What about me?" He croaked, suddenly falling still in his movements and landing his eyes somewhere near my left foot.

"Any guy I wanted? Does that include you, Mamoru?" My mouth was moving but my thoughts seemed to wander down with the light pattern of the falling snow. It wasn't until I turned to see him that I knew my question hadn't sounded all that innocent. I watched as Mamoru's eyes widened and he darted them to my face and then back to my foot.

There was a moment between us where I sat frozen for his eyes to meet mine again. I stood there, shivering and wondering if I had crossed the line, if he would look up at me and say "yes" and how could I react to that? I squirmed around uncomfortably until his response came from his bowed head, muffled by his jacket collar.

"No, of course not," he said roughly, his head snapping up suddenly and meeting my gaze. The look in his eyes scared me. There was a type of contempt I hadn't seen before, although I wasn't sure who or what it was directed towards. That one wild look, paired with the delicate flurries of snow made my stomach do a flip.

I recognized the heavy rush of emotion that came itching in the palm of my hands after the typical flip of my stomach. I never knew how to react to this onslaught of longing for him, which seemed to crawl out of some pit in my ribcage that I never knew existed. His narrowed eyes and vexing glare made me want to start screaming radically—to make the game we play together finally end. I wanted to transform that hostile response into some made-up reality in my mind where he and I could be more than sparring partners, where I could honestly tell him my so-called problems and curl up underneath that crooked grin. But it seemed, the only way I could react to this disturbing hunger was to bite back tears and let confused, fumbled words fall from my lips into his hands so he could throw them back at me with the cunning wit that so infuriated me.

He was still glaring at me, waiting for a response. And with a wavering reluctance I relented to our tendency to fight instead of ever scratching below the surface of our relationship. "Well, if I can't have you then I guess your theory is bullshit," I said, secretly thinking the same thing about Seiya.

It was quiet a moment. Mamoru was back to pacing. He started to say something but stopped. When he turned to face me again, the same wild animal was alive in gaze, scaring me once again with my reaction to it.

"You really don't see it, do you?" He said loudly.

"That's because it's BULLSHIT," I said just as loudly, meeting that unbearable gaze with the only stubborn determination I knew how to deliver. Inside, the thundering in my ribcage was deafening.

"That's what's so goddamn annoying about you!" he yelled.

I blinked back tears, feeling the weight of his words hit me. He wasn't kidding this time. There was no sparkle in his dark gaze, nothing at all but a scary display of honesty, the type of honesty I knew I couldn't carelessly disregard like normal. It wasn't easy for me to even utter a reply so severe was my desire to run away, to leave him standing in the snow. But, like he had said earlier, I wouldn't know what I was running from.

Was I too scared to find out?

With a voice clouded with tears I managed a hurtful, "What?"

"God Usagi, you could have anything! Don't you even realize it?! The whole world could be yours with a simple flick of your wrist. And the most infuriating thing about it is that you don't even give a damn. You don't even NOTICE! You're so goddamn careless that you go on with your life, hardly glancing at those of us who hang onto every word you utter. And then you waste your time with losers like what's-his-name Seiya who won't even give you what you deserve. You have no understanding of the power you possess over anyone!"

"If that's true," I cried, my vision becoming increasingly blurry as I tried to fight what he was saying. "Then why can't I make you stop?! What have I done to you, Mamoru?"

"That's just it!" He yelled frantically, pumping one fist in the air for emphasis, "You haven't done anything. You're so goddamn innocent you have no idea… you have no idea…"

"Mamoru…" I pleaded, needing something… someone to hold onto. My whole head was spinning. How did things get so escalated so quickly? What were we even yelling about anymore?

"Stop. Usagi. I just… I can't… I can't stand to be around you right now."

Those words were harsh. If I stopped for even a moment I didn't know if I would be able to handle them. "I don't understand, Mamoru…"

"Say my name one more time Usagi and I swear to God… I'll lose it."

My head snapped upwards and I drew in a ragged breath. He was challenging me and I was sick of it. I was sick of the games. I wanted an answer.

"Why can't I say your name MA-MO-RU?!"

He closed the gap between us in two quick strides. His hands came up to my face, holding me pinned in his grasp, our noses touching. I had to stand on my tiptoes to meet his disarming stare, so intensely situated on me I had to turn my eyes downward to avoid the heat that was creeping into every inch of my body, making the tips of fingers tingle. And that's when I noticed his mouth, primly in view under my long lashes. He was waiting for me. Even though his whole body was shaking, he was waiting for my response.

"Say it again, Usagi," he said, his voice trembling almost as much as his fingertips.

Distantly I realized that this entire time he had been talking about himself. That the whole reason he was yelling at me was because he…

A snowflake fell.

It landed on his bottom lip.

"Mamoru," I whispered.

And he kissed me.

**A/N:**

O

M

G

I am going to burst. I must do some inner fan girl dancing…

Omgomgomgomgomgomgomg.

…

does a twirl

k. I'm done.

Now it's your turn. REVIEW DAMNIT. Before I go crazy. Before you go crazy. I really do like Seiya so I don't want him to come off as an evil guy. He's just... easily distracted haha. Hmm, what do you think?

Next up is Mamoru and trust me…. I'll continue on just where I left off ;-)


	12. Chapter Tweleve: Mamoru

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Sailor Moon.

**A/N:**

Even though school is kicking my ass, let's keep the momentum going, shall we?

I love you all. Please review (please please please). It makes me go wild with happiness. Don't you WANT ME TO BE HAPPY? 

WELL, DON'T YOU?

kk. Review then.

Supah,

Mels

**Chapter Twelve: Mamoru**

She was trembling in my arms.

Already I was rebuking myself for crumbling to this craving beast inside of me. For four, long years I had learned to disregard Usagi. I had poked fun and yelled whenever that blossoming pout got too much for me to handle. And for four, long years I had succeeded in resisting her with cold and logical calculation alone. Yet, here I was, holding a trembling seventeen year old in my arms and kissing her like a real woman. She certainly wasn't as young as she pretended to be. I guess I knew that all along, which is why I had so adamantly reproached her. I knew what would happen the moment she complied to my desires.

I would lose my head.

I didn't want to kiss her.

Except I did.

She was making small mewing sounds into my mouth— whether startled or satisfied I could not tell. God, did she know what those little sounds were doing to me? And although she didn't seem aware of it, she was withering against my body. It was absolute torture. I knew I wasn't supposed to be kissing her, but with each passing moment, I couldn't seem to stop. To my surprise, she was quietly and innocently letting me continue, complying to my every move with a response. When those perfect lips parted to let me in, wet and warm and absolutely delicious, I couldn't even think straight. So strong was my desire to devour her right here in the snow, that I knew I would if she did not protest.

"Mamoru," she murmured again, this time into my mouth, making the inside of my head purr with her voice. She said it with an earnest longing, one that seemed to be telling me it was okay for me to continue. No. She was begging me to continue.

Fuck.

Fuck.

She was only seventeen.

I had to stop.

I can't. I couldn't.

She couldn't possibly know what she was doing to me, as her small, little hands found places in my neck, my hair, my chest. Her tongue was devilish in the way it played with me, tempting and teasing with each movement in and around my mouth. I wrapped my arms around her, pinning her tightly against me, unwilling to let this one forbidden moment go. But even as she continued her kittenish sounds and I couldn't seem to remember my own name no matter how many times she mumbled it, I knew I had to stop myself. I knew this was wrong, that even though I possessively held her in my arms, she was not mine and would never—could never—be mine.

Slowly, slowly, I broke away from her, watching every breath she took for hints to her reaction. She kept her eyes closed at first, and I watched her pink and swollen lips part slightly in surprise. When she finally opened her eyes, alarmingly large and blue, I had to stop myself from smothering her against the hood of my car. 

God, why did she have to be so goddamn irresistible?

If she only knew… if she only knew that she would be my downfall.

"Mamoru," she said again, more a question this time.

And I had to kiss her again, I had to, because I had nothing else in me to resist, because her lips were beckoning me in their silent seduction, simply because they weren't trying to. I couldn't stop now that I had started. I needed their reassurance, to know that not everything was fucked up and false around me, that there was at least one thing that was real and genuine in the world… even if she wasn't mine.

Our lips met for the second time.

And she pulled away.

I was startled with the deep crater of longing I felt inside of me when she stopped. I almost grabbed her again, knowing full well she would resist, but what did I care? This was probably the last time we could ever be together like this. After tonight, how would she look at me? What would she think? I would forever be trapped by the one chance I dared to take with her, the one, torturous and delicious kiss I could never repeat.

It took every ounce of self control I could muster not to force that sweet, supple, little pout into my lips again. There was no way of avoiding the craving. I needed her tonight. I needed to make this illicit moment last.

"I'm sorry…" she said.

Why was she apologizing? Oh God, I couldn't handle this. I glanced at her face, pink from the cold and from the heat of our kisses, her eyes looking up at me expectantly. She needed a response, she needed reassurance, she needed to know why I kissed her in the snow and wanted to do it again and again and again.

I looked away from her bitterly, towards distant city lights and tall buildings blocking my view of the ocean. I knew I had to say something to her, to make it all right again, but what could I say? What explanation did I have? 

"Usagi…" I said roughly, my voice coarse from my inability to find words, "Please forgive me…" I felt like my throat was being grated across sharp metal. I didn't want to speak to her. I didn't want to explain my unacceptable behavior. 

"Forgive you?" Her voice was full of air, and I imagined her floating away from me into the sky. I couldn't look at her. I kept my eyes trained at fuzzy lights, far away from the reality in front of me. 

It was quiet a moment between us.

"Do you hate me?" She asked.

"Hate you? How could I—" My voice faltered as I darted my eyes to her face. Those two giant eyes were still staring at me, expecting something I couldn't give her. I quickly adverted my gaze back to fuzzy lights, back to the unreachable longing I could never submit to again. I had to stop myself. I had to get away from her. "I don't hate you, Usagi."

"Then why do you say such awful things to me? How could you do that and then kiss me all in one—"

"Stop!" I yelled, remembering suddenly, the closeness of her skin, the way she tasted, hearing her small mewing sounds fill up my head with the yesness of holding her in the my arms, the pleading for me to keep going… I was breathing deeply now. "Usagi… you have to stop… I can't…"

"You can't what? Stop what?" she said, her voice clouded with the tears. Even though I knew she was trying not to cry, there was a small pride buried in her words. She didn't want me to hear the strain of disgrace and disappointment laced in her tone.

"I can't be here! I can't be near you!" I yelled, backing away from her. I spun around to face my car and I got out my keys. My hands were shaking so badly I had trouble with them, fumbling to find the right key.

"No!" she pleaded. Again, I felt drawn to her voice alone. I forced my feet to continue moving away from her heavily. My hands reached out as if in slow motion. "You can't leave. Mamoru… Mamoru!"

I refused to look at her, finally inserting the right key into the door and turning it with a satisfying click.

"I don't understand," she continued, her voice so small I was sure she was crying now. "What is this? Why did you kiss me? Did it mean anything to you? Why are you leaving? Why won't you look at me?"

"Stop it, stop it," I growled, hating myself for not being able to tell her. In the back of my mind I hoped if I left quickly enough we could somehow go back to how things were before. But even as I opened my car door I knew it was foolish to fight the inevitable fall we would take. She was too innocent and young to understand it. This was it. Things would be different now.

"Mamoru," she sobbed, and I froze, clenching fists so tightly they tingled. "Don't I… Don't I mean anything at all to you...?"

"Odango…" I muttered, too afraid to look at her again, to see those large eyes filled with tears, rolling down her cheeks onto lips that had been mine for a few blissful moments… If she only knew… if she only knew…

"Please, look at me," she begged.

And I had to comply, I had to, because I had nothing else in me to resist, because her voice was full of tears I had caused, ones I wanted to reach out and wipe from soft, frozen cheeks.

I turned to see her.

She was trembling again—eyes as big as the moon, sparkling from the tears that fell down her face, and lips parted, saying my name, waiting for an explanation, needing me…

"It was a mistake," I said firmly, at least having control of my words even though my insides were in uproar. My hands continued their shaking. "It won't happen again, Usagi."

"A mistake?" I could hear the pain, the rejection, the confusion in her voice. She was upset when I found her, and I certainly hadn't helped the situation. In fact, I had prodded her on, selfishly ripping her apart because that's the only thing I could do. If I could only be the man she wanted, the man I wanted to be, softly soothing away her worries and taking care of those small trembling shoulders with strong arms of reassurance… But I couldn't be that man. I had to be sarcastic and fucked up and wrong, because if I ever let myself be more than that then I knew I wouldn't be able to let go. I would get my heart broken. 

By a gorgeous, small, trembling, seventeen year old.

"You're too young, I can't… don't you see? I work for your father… You have a boyfriend…I just can't…" I stammered, unable to keep my eyes on her for longer than a few seconds at a time. They were good excuses. Reasonable. Logical. Would she ever be able to guess the real reason I had to keep my distance from her?

She was quiet, turning her gaze downwards. She played with the bottom of her rain coat, holding it between restless fingers and twirling it around and around again. Her pale blond hair pooled around her, making her almost glow in the soft, falling snow. She still had no idea of the power she possessed, how even the movements of her fingers could turn me into a complete mess.

"You understand, right? It was a mistake," I reinforced, attempting to remain calm and sure in my decision.

She wouldn't speak. 

_This is the end Mamoru, this is it. _

I was getting more frantic with the second. I couldn't keep standing there, watching tears drop from her bent head, falling into tiny fists she clamped around her navy, rain jacket. I watched them slip down her knuckles into the crevices of her palm and I dreamed of kissing her there. "God Usagi, come on. I've gotta get out of here… you can't break my resolve…"

"Then go!" she yelled suddenly, eyes flaring up to meet mine. There was anger, yes. But even more prominent was the hurt, which she tried to hide with a scowl but could not mask from those tearful, blue eyes. I had crumbled to my desires and now she was going to have to pay for it. I knew full-well that I had lied earlier. She had broken my resolve the moment I saw her crying.

I couldn't handle it. This wasn't supposed to happen.

"Usagi, forgive me, please…" I grabbed her forcefully and felt her body tense under my hands. I realized then that this really was the end, and this was our last chance together. With tears and eyes open, I kissed her again with enough force to make her stumble away from me. And it was wet and messy and so wrong so wrong… yet perfect, yes. 

Perfect.

But even as my mouth crashed into hers brutally I was already turning away from her and pushing her aside so I could get into my car and slam the door. 

She whimpered, oh God, and I gave her one last look through tinted glass, through falling snow, and then I was speeding as fast as I could down the street.

* * *

My hands were still shaking.

I took a long drag on my cigarette and then handed it to Motoki. In front of us, we watched the snow fall out of his open bedroom window. The air was chilly but it felt good in comparison to the fury inside of me. I couldn't get Usagi or our kiss out of my mind. It was making me crazy.

"So… You just left her standing in the middle of the road?" Motoki finally asked, handing me the last of the cigarette. 

"Yeah," I replied, flicking the butt out the window and watching it spiral down to the ground. "I'm such a fucking bastard."

"Hey, I could have told you that years ago," Motoki said, grinning at me.

"Shut the hell up," I grunted, shoving him lightly.

Motoki laughed and lit up another cigarette. He started talking with the cigarette still clamped between his lips. "Well, what can ya do, man? What happened, happened. At least you didn't fuck her, right?"

"God, Motoki don't even say that," I growled, running my hands through my hair. I remembered her sweet taste. I remembered her breasts pressing into my chest. I remembered her voice purring my name… "I mean, what was I thinking? She's seventeen. SEVENTEEN!"

"You weren't thinking," Motoki reasoned calmly, letting small circles of smoke escape his mouth. "It's not a crime or anything. You've just gotta make sure it doesn't happen again."

"How am I supposed to do that?" I mumbled, looking away from him towards Kino Makoto's large house. It loomed in front of us, dark and gigantic, casting shadows across the already dark ground. 

The snow looked as if it was slowing down now.

"You just gotta stay away from her," Motoki said. "I mean, it was just fun before, right? You could seek her out because it was just flirting and fucking around… but now you have to avoid her. She just got under your skin. She gets under everybody's skin, come on."

I hated and loved to think that I was one of the lucky few who got to actually got to act out what many others were craving, even if it was just for a few moments. Motoki was right. She was beautiful and rich and annoying as hell… and somehow that made her one of the most desirable females to anybody who met her. How the hell was it possible?

"She's unbearable" I continued, talking freely in the heat of my confusion. "She whines about every little thing even though her life is golden… But then sometimes… she'll get such a melancholy look in her eyes… It makes me think I don't know one thing about her."

"You probably don't," Motoki said, shrugging. "She plays the game just like you. I'm sure she has plenty of secrets."

I thought about that for a moment, and suddenly the desire I had been so persistently suppressing flared up full force. I wanted to know her secrets. I wanted to know what she hid behind that bubbly smile and unnerving scowl. I wanted her to whisper them in my ear.

"Secrets. God. Am I just one of many secrets?" I muttered, clenching fists around the edge of the window sill. I felt like I could dive headfirst out the window and be invincible. I was living the highest and lowest moments of my live simultaneously. 

"Seriously Mamoru," Motoki said suddenly, resting a hand on my shoulder gently. "You've gotta calm down."

I realized then that my shaking hands had consumed my arms and shoulders into tremors. I knocked Motoki's hand away, self-conscious, suddenly, of my behavior. Motoki had admitted to me before of looking at Mako and her friends when they lounged around the pool in their bikinis, but he had never made a move on any of them, even though it could have been easy. I studied Motoki's eyes, sullen in their reaction to me, and I knew I couldn't stand being here with him, even if he was my best friend.

"Fuck it. I've gotta get out of here," I said, grabbing my coat off a nearby chair. 

Motoki stood up swiftly and blocked my path. "Don't cross that line, man," he said seriously, setting those light blue eyes on mine. "Don't go find her. Just let it be for a few goddamn minutes."

"I'm not going to find her," I lied, roughly shoving one hand through the armhole of my jacket.

"Look, I know you Mamoru," Motoki continued, watching my rushed movements. "You're an intense guy, and you have a lot of gut instincts which seem to get you into a lot of fucking trouble…"

"I'm not going to find her!" I roared, surprising myself. I clenched my fist around my keys so tightly it hurt. 

It was quiet in the room. 

Motoki's pitted stare was full of concern. I couldn't look at him, I couldn't stand even standing in my own skin. My shoulders were alive with trembles and standing still was making me want to punch the nearest thing I could reach. What the hell was wrong with me?

With a few quick strides I pushed past Motoki and reached for the door handle. I felt his hand on my shoulder and I paused under his grasp.

"Hey Mamoru?" he said quietly.

"Yeah?" I asked, looking over my shoulder at him.

His face suddenly cracked into a full-on grin. "You're out of your mind, you know that?"

"Yeah, I know," I said heavily.

Then I turned and headed out the door.

* * *

I found her walking up the long driveway of her house. The snow had stopped and I was lucky I reached her before she got to her front door. I pulled up before her and stopped my car. She waited for me to unbuckle my seatbelt, take a deep breath and open my door.

We stood in opposition of one another, not even the distraction of falling snow at our aid. She looked so cold and tired standing there. I tried to suppress my self-loathing that seemed to flair at the sight of her. What was I doing here? I didn't deserve her.

"Usagi…" I struggled, offering open hands to her.

She stood five feet in front of me. Eyes and nose red, breath coming out of wavering lips in tight bursts.

"Usagi, I shouldn't have left you…" and I took a step towards her.

Before I knew what was happening, she ran towards me and was in my arms again. I held onto her, feeling her cold fingers curl up onto my chest and the slow in and out of her breathing against me. 

"I left you in the cold…" I mumbled into her hair, swiftly unzipping my jacket to let her nuzzle inside of it. My hands were unconsciously restless, softly moving up her back, down the backside of her arm, landing near her ribcage where still my fingers moved in circular motions. She didn't say anything. As I stood there holding her I couldn't help but let my mouth hover near her ear, neck, forehead, lingering just long enough to deny the temptation and move on. And still she trembled, not uttering a word under the collar of my jacket, where I felt her eyelashes tickle my throat with each blink.

Her arms slowly crept up to my neck and I dipped my head toward her, so my mouth was up against her cheek. Her little fingers found the bottom of my hair, which she pinched between fingers that she later trailed down my neck, sending a round of chills rolling through my entire body. I waited, feeling her breath in my ear, my jaw line, and then the corner of my mouth as her head nuzzled against mine. Slowly, ever so slowly, I turned my face towards her. 

Our foreheads touched.

I hesitated only one moment.

But that's all it took. She turned slightly, continuing her movements as her mouth trailed downward along the other side of my face, until it landed in the crook of my neck again. I pulled her in closer to me, letting out a deep sigh. Now after anger and desire all that remained was uncertainty. I wondered vaguely if we would ever talk again or forever be frozen in this timorous embrace.

I don't know how long we stood there in her driveway, holding each other. Every now and then I'd feel Usagi move her mouth just a bit, and each tiny movement made me tense up. I couldn't seem to let go of her, and the longer she didn't fight against it, the more comfortable and right it felt.

When she spoke, it was said so quietly I had to lean in even closer to hear her.

"We can't…" she whispered and I found my grip on her tightening. 

I felt a lump in my throat. I tried to swallow but couldn't. It took everything in me to speak the words I wanted to deny.

"I know," I said, again feeling those soft lips of hers brush lightly against my throat. 

"Then what are we doing?" she mumbled, and I swear I felt her tiny teeth nipping at my sensitive skin.

Suddenly I heard the sound of a car pulling up and I instantly let go of Usagi, afraid that it would be her father returning home late. But with one glance in the direction of the approaching car I could hear the blasting beat of music and I knew who it would be. He came to a screeching halt in front of us and I saw the familiar bubbly smile flood Usagi's face.

"Seiya," she said, walking up to the man who had hopped out of the car.

He kissed her and I had to look away from them towards my shoes to stop the rage from crawling into my fists again.

"Usagi… I came as quick as I could. I borrowed Taiki's car," he said swiftly until I'm sure he realized I was standing in the driveway. I glanced up at him and he narrowed his eyes. "Who the hell is this guy?" Seiya asked, jerking a thumb in my direction. I met his glare with a confident smirk. 

"I work for Mr. Tsukino," I said, holding back a choice of harsh words I wanted to spit at him.

"What are you doing here at 2 in the morning?" Seiya asked skeptically, putting a casual arm around Usagi's shoulder.

"Business," I said coolly, ignoring his suspicions. "Just came out for a cigarette and I ran into Usagi. Lucky for her, I won't be telling her father about breaking curfew."

My words were smug, but inside I cringed at seeing Usagi's gaze drop downward. I wondered how she must have been feeling about our kiss. Did she feel like she had betrayed Seiya, even though I was obviously the one who had initiated every move? Did she hate to have to lie about what we had been doing only seconds before Seiya's arrival?

Seiya turned his attention to Usagi and I turned my head back to my foot. Even as I scuffed my heel against the toe of my left shoe I still heard every word they uttered together.

"Why didn't you call me sooner? I had no idea you were going to walk home alone…"

"I know… I got lost…" Usagi murmured, her voice muffled. 

A lie, of course. I gritted my teeth for knowing I was the reason she had to lie. 

"Oh my Usagi…" he hummed, "I didn't get your message until after the set… you've really been out here for over an hour?"

"I just got home," she said softly.

"Poor little Odango..." he said. 

My head snapped up involuntarily at the nickname I had given her only a week ago. She was looking at me over his shoulder, and I raised an eyebrow in her direction, fighting off the bitter snarl that was approaching my lips. I felt a wave of possessiveness flood my senses, even though I knew I had no claim over her. Odango...That was our name... MY name for her... how could Seiya have taken even that from me?

Seiya was talking again and I turned my back to them to try and block out their words. 

It didn't work. 

"Do you want me to stay…? Because, well… some of us were going to head over to Yaten's for the after-after party, you know…"

"I don't really want to…"Usagi stammered, her voice wavering, "I just… I feel so…"

"Aw, come on little one," Seiya butted in, "Don't you wanna come along? The whole crew is going."

"I want to stay," she said firmly this time, and I wondered if my presence played any role in her decision or not.

"Alright alright. But it's okay if I go, right? I'll take you for breakfast tomorrow."

"Yeah, ok."

"You're not mad?"

"I'm fine. I just want to go to bed."

"Alright, sweet. Sleep well. Love you," and again I heard him kiss her.

"Bye," she replied.

I dared to glance in her direction and couldn't help but notice the way her smile dropped when Seiya turned away. Seiya opened his car door and got in. He gave me a curt nod and I nodded back. Then with a twist of his wrist the roar of music came seeping out of his car again as he revved the engine to speed away.

I watched him go, already feeling the intensity of Usagi's eyes on the back of my neck. I was too terrified to turn around. I had no idea what I was doing here at 2 a.m. with Usagi of all people. How had I gotten myself into this?

"Are you coming inside, or did you drive all this way just to stand in the cold out here alone?" Usagi asked, surprising me with her invitation. I no longer could hear the loud beat of Seiya's music and I realized then that we were alone again. I nodded without a word and I heard her turn towards her doorsteps. I kept my head down but followed her nonetheless, as she made her way up the few stairs to the front porch, where she unlocked the door and let us inside. 

She put down her keys and took off her jacket, and then turned to face me. My head still hung downwards and I found it difficult to breath, let alone mutter any kind of explanation for my presence. A few moments passed like this until finally she broke the awkward silence.

"So what are you doing here, Mamoru?" Usagi asked.

_I wanted you._

_I needed you._

_I couldn't stop thinking of you._

A simple question with a simple answer.

"I don't know," I replied, finally lifting my gaze to hers.

"You can't just… mess around with a girl like that," she said loudly, crossing her arms. "You yell at me, you kiss me, you leave me alone in the middle of the night then you come back—how… did you just…?"

"I don't know," I said again, keeping my dark gaze pinned on her navy eyes.

"Mamoru… just tell me why…"

"You tell me," I answered quietly. 

I buried my hands into my pockets and forced myself to keep looking at her questioning eyes. I was asking her silently to answer the problem for me. I was begging for her to take away even the chance that it could happen again. The power was all in her hands, for I knew if she let me I wouldn't be able to stop myself. But if she told me "no" what other path could I take? With one word, I would be gone.

"Usagi…" I started, but by then she had already come up to me, questioning eyes searching the heaviness of my gaze. 

"What do you want from me, Mamoru?" she whispered, reaching up her small hands to my face. And the fact that she was asking, imploring as if she wanted to give me what I desired, made me almost crumble under my own defense. I couldn't help myself. I grabbed her cold hand and pressed it up against my mouth, closing my eyes and breathing a small sigh to release the tension of the moment. I wanted to push her away. I wanted to grab her and hold her. I wanted to have her and leave her. 

"I don't know," I answered honestly, opening eyes to meet her navy stare.

"What can I do with doubt?" she said softly.

But even as she said those words I was leaning down towards her, like an object falling through space, and she was standing up on tiptoes to meet me. I wrapped strong arms around her tiny waist. She ran both her hands up my neck until she stood, holding either side of my head. 

"We can't," I said this time, and she nodded in agreement.

But then she leaned up and kissed me and God help me, I let her. She was tentative at first, and those first, timid brushes of her lips made me deteriorate. Some new force came over me, like I could never get enough of her. I was hungry for every inch I could reach. 

I pushed her up against the door.

I kissed her long and hard.

I threaded my hands through her hair and bit down on her lower lip.

And her mouth found my throat, where she nibbled and sucked lightly along my jaw line with cold lips. I thought my legs would collapse under me if she ever stopped. It felt so good and right that I realized I had no intention of stopping the tidal wave that was consuming me. She was the ultimate temptation. She was an exquisite delectable treat to taste. She was real. And for one night at least, she was mine.

"Usagi…" I groaned into the crevice of her collarbone, which I tasted nimbly with my teeth.

"Mamoru," she replied.

And everything was fucked up and wrong so wrong… yet perfect, yes.

Perfect.

**A/N:**

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? I can't believe it and I even WROTE the goddamn thing. Goddddd. What have I written myself into?

Don't worry. There will be more where that came from (fuck yeah).

Ok.

I'm calm now.

Question:

Do I swear too much?

And should I change the rating on this sucker?

So, I've figured out that each chapter I write is a popularity contest. I just use my stats for research. For example, hits for Ami and Makoto chapters are much lower than hits for Mamoru and Rei chapters. I find that funny, because does that mean some people are skipping over Ami chapters so they can get to the next Mamoru chapter (something like a 400 hit difference…)? Haha. But I want all the characters to have interesting story lines that keep you guessing… even if some aren't as popular as others…

Next up is Ami. 

Oh! And I did this pretty little drawing of the four senshi as supah hot fashionable rich girls (i.e. the ones from my story!) so you should check it out. It's not drawn in anime style and their looks are all updated a bit with hair and clothing and the stupid link isn't working in this story editor... but if you want to take a peek, go ahead (take the spaces out between the dots first):

scarletlady. deviantart. com/art/So-Fierce-79112981

I wanted them to look like hot Japanese fashion models hahaha. 

Even though reviews aren't a clear example of how many people are reading this story (obviously), I want more. It's a popularity contest for me too…. Sooo…. SHARE THE LOVE AND REVIEW!

Shutting up now,

Mels says boo-yah.


	13. Chapter Thirteen: Ami

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Sailor Moon.

**A/N:**

Forgive me for taking so long. You know I still love you all...

I'm pretty sad today. And fuck painting.

I hope you enjoy this chapter (even though Ami is by far the hardest character to write for me).

I responded to a few of you below.

Mels

**Chapter Thirteen: Ami**

I sat up in bed abruptly.

The glowing numbers on my alarm clock read four fifty-eight. Down stairs, I heard our front door slam and I realized my mother must be heading out for another grueling 17 hour shift at the hospital. I wouldn't see her for the next few days, but if I was lucky, she would leave some pre-made meals in the refrigerator for me to heat up and eat. My mother and I no longer talked together like we used to. Our only form of communication was done on the small white board that hung on our kitchen wall. I was still waiting for the frightening note that started with "_Ami, your father called…"_

She still hadn't mentioned him.

I glanced at my dark reflection on the opposite wall mirror, nothing but a faceless figure at this distance. The familiar pieces of furniture in my room were but lifeless lumps in the dark, but I became engrossed with trying to describe each one of them by memory alone. It wasn't a hard task given the steady nature of my environment. Everything was in its proper place and as it should be. The uniform I had been wearing for the past four years was hanging on the front of my closet door, just like always. My school books were stacked neatly on my desk. My room...my life… was in order.

At least in the dark.

It was Saturday morning. I had managed my way home only a few hours ago, after helping Minako sneak back into her house while she was completely plastered. I peeked over at the one unfamiliar thing in my room, situated on my lounge chair in the corner. There, Rei was curled up fast asleep under a throw blanket. I hadn't asked any questions when she asked if she could stay over. I was a private person myself, after all.

I clasped my hands in front of me and watched the way they trembled. I hadn't slept well in over a week, and even though I was tired, I couldn't seem to close my eyes long enough to rest. Any night I did manage to cram in a few hours of sleep in often left me feeling worse than before. My body ached for renewal but my mind would not cave to it. I wondered if I would forever be plagued by these traces of insomnia, or if I would ever be able to coax my mind into the quiet submission of sleep again.

Sighing in defeat, I decided to get up early instead of tossing and turning for the rest of the morning. I threw my blanket over Rei, pausing briefly over her slumbering form. She looked restless, even in her sleep. I wondered if she was okay. Seeing her there, among soft throw pillows, her long, straight hair tumbling down one side of her face, I suddenly felt affinity with her. She had lost a parent only two years ago. And I had hardly known my father my entire life. But wasn't I the lucky one, when both my parents were still alive?

Rei shifted in her sleep and I quickly turned away, feeling as if I was caught doing something wrong. Without a glance backward I made my way down the two flights of stairs to the main floor of our condominium.

The note my mother left me read:

_"Ami,_

_We'll talk tomorrow night about your request. Don't do anything until then. I mean it._

_Love,_

_Mom."_

I smeared out the message with one swipe of my hand.

Of course, she didn't know that I had already bought the plane tickets.

I sat staring at my trembling fingers. They seemed to waver in front of me, floating between the realm of reality and my mind. I knew the lack of sleep wasn't helping me feel any less anxious. But honestly, I didn't know who that hand belonged to anymore. It was just an extremity I controlled through distant thoughts I no longer wanted to delve into. I didn't want to face it anymore. I wanted to get away.

Was I really serious about leaving?

I heard a noise and quickly swirled around. I found Rei come walking into the kitchen, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She was still in the clothes from last night, looking out of place. Her strapless party dress was more appropriate for an elaborate celebration, not my empty kitchen at 5 a.m. My heart was still beating rapidly and again I got the feeling that I had I just been caught doing something wrong. I tried to shake it, to remind myself that I was just with my good friend Rei, but the heaviness in the air wouldn't settle. The shakes in my hands wouldn't settle. The doubt, the sadness…

It wouldn't settle.

"Rei," I said, greeting her with a timid smile.

"What are you doing up so early?"

"Oh… I just…" My voice faded as I realized I had no intention of telling her the truth. I eyed her warily from my spot by the refrigerator. She stayed by the doorway, waiting for an answer. But she was keeping secrets from me too, so maybe that's why she dropped it after seeing my hesitation to continue.

"I used to get up early every day," Rei said, finally walking closer to me and opening up the refrigerator door. The cold air hit me and sent a round of chills rolling through my body, jolting me from my state of tired awakening. She pulled out a bottled water and looked at me over her shoulder. "To meditate."

"Meditate," I echoed quietly, looking away from her towards our balcony window. Outside, the sun was barely peeking above the glittering ocean.

"Mm," Rei said closing the fridge door and coming up beside me. We stood next to one another, overlooking the incredible view of the city we had from the twentieth floor. The city was bathed in a red light and the trees were brown and bare. The snow from last night had melted, leaving only a few traces of its presence in the shady nooks between buildings. I thought about trees dying. I thought about the color green. I thought about what the trees would be like in Germany.

We looked out at the rising sun in silence for some time.

"Rei… when you left… did you find what you were looking for?" I asked suddenly, walking up towards the balcony and bringing my face close to the glass. I could distantly see her reflection behind me, and I studied it secretly.

Rei's voice was clear when she responded. "No, I didn't."

I paused, caught off guard by her curt reply. I waited for more, but I knew she wouldn't delve in without more prodding. Cautiously, I continued. "Did… any of your problems go away?"

Rei let out a quiet laugh, like my question was almost trivial or stupid. "Ghosts haunt you no matter where you turn," she said darkly.

I turned around to see her amethyst eyes narrowed towards the distant light over my shoulder. I searched her face for an explanation. She looked sorrowful but wise, enveloped in the red glow of the rising sun, and I wondered if her ghosts were with her now. The ghost of her dead mother… of her broken family… of feeling like she couldn't even stay at her own home at night…?

I blushed, feeling shameful for letting myself judge Rei, when I honestly didn't know much about her anymore. I, out of anyone, should know better about making opinions about someone on outward appearances alone. And by the time Rei blinked, her eyes had hardened, turning her expression back into the stoic fortitude of strength I normally saw in her.

"Rei…" I started, and her eyes focused back to my face. I hesitated, unsure of why I suddenly wanted to confide in her. She just seemed so strong, so sensible. She understood loss better than anyone I knew, even Mako, who seemed to cope with such things on the level of her emotions instead of her head. I needed logic. I needed someone with a pitted understanding that could show me reason through thought.

I sighed.

Rei waited patiently for me to continue.

"I'm thinking of going away for a while," I finally said.

If Rei was surprised, she hid it well. "A while."

"Yeah," I replied uncomfortably, realizing that she wanted more of an explanation.

"When?"

"Soon. I don't know. Next week, maybe."

"Next week…?" The statement was left hanging in the air, and again she waited patiently. But I didn't have an answer for her. I didn't have an answer for myself.

When I hadn't said anything, Rei shrugged. "Well, maybe it'll work out better for you than it did for me."

"Yeah… Maybe."

And finally, the stiff silence between us settled.

* * *

I was wearing four inch high-heeled boots.

It was dark outside and I could already hear the thumping of bass throbbing through the thin building walls in front of me. Rei and I were standing in a dark alleyway, surrounded by a sea of cars right outside of "Monk's House"—a hip bar that played a lot of underground bands on Saturday nights. We were meeting the girls there tonight for a "reunion party," as Usagi put it. But since we were underage, we were waiting around in a cluster near the back door, where we could sneak in with the help of several employees who had been recent graduates from our school.

"You sure you wanna go to this thing?" I asked Rei again, who was wearing clothes I had let her borrow—a cropped military jacket and skinny jeans. She seemed kind of annoyed with my constant concern for her, but in reality, I was just trying to find an out for myself. I was too tired for this.

She shrugged. "I don't have anything better to do."

"Does this mean you are friends with Usagi again?" I asked bravely, looking over at her thoughtfully.

Rei sighed. "I don't know."

"And Minako…?"

"What about Minako?" Rei demanded, shooting me a glare that could kill hundreds in a second. But before I could reply, she quickly changed the subject. "How much longer are we gonna have to stand out here in the cold?" She slipped off one of her heels and rubbed her foot absentmindedly.

"Not long, I hope."

I looked out at the people parking and getting out of their cars. To be honest, I hadn't really noticed the time that had been passing at all. I was busy thinking about the postcard I got in the mail today. It had said:

_"Ami,_

_I'm in Venice! I'm meeting with a man who is interested in some commissions of my work. I saw Basilica di Santa Maria della Salute … the architecture is amazing. I want to take you here someday._

_I'll be back in Tokyo for the last month of my show…_

_Dad."_

Even thinking of it now made me angry.

"Ami?"

It was Rei again. I blinked and looked over at her. She was motioning for me to follow her into the bar, the door propped open by a girl I recognized from last year's graduating class. I mumbled a thank you to her as we passed and we made our way past the back kitchen and through the swinging doors into the lounge.

There was a layer of smoke hanging around eye-level, and a dimly lit stage towards the front of the spacious room. Everywhere else, people sat at small tables and couches, drinking and laughing, as the music from the current band swelled across the crowd. A few stairs and a railing separated the back end of the club from the front, which was reserved for people dancing by the stage. I led Rei to our regular table, situated near the back, where it was dark and we were less likely to be kicked out for being underage. Two plush couches surrounded it and I already saw Mako waiting there, her feet stretched out taking the whole side of a couch.

"Mako!" I called, honestly grateful to see her.

She twirled around and grinned a toothy smile at me, waving at us to come over. As we approached her, she promptly took her feet down to give us space to sit.

"Hello ladies," she drawled as I sat down next to her. Rei sat down at the other couch, currently unoccupied, and let out a brief "hello."

"Have a beer!" Mako hollered, handing me one. We clinked our glasses together and each took a sip. Rei declined to have one, instead folding her arms as she sunk back into the doughy cushions. I tried to do the same, relaxing backwards and letting my eyes close for the briefest of moments. The room was buzzing with conversations and I caught small snippets of it as I tried to rest. I suddenly felt very tired, and even though the whole room was alive with noise, I thought it would be quite nice to curl up on the couch to sleep.

Mako nudged me and said quietly, "You okay?"

I opened my eyes and took another drink of my beer, resentful for her interrupting the only time I had managed to close my eyes in the last 17 hours. It tasted horrible, but I knew once I got a buzz it would taste better. "Just fine," I lied.

Suddenly I saw two blond girls pop out of the dance crowd near the front of the stage. They stumbled over towards us, giggling and pulling each other along, calling attention to the many men in their proximity. Both were wearing scandalously short, black dresses. You wouldn't have been able to tell them apart if it wasn't for their hair and their footwear. Minako—straight hair with strappy heels that wound up her calves, and Usagi—tousled and darker hair, with the same scuffed, brown boots she wore to school. They came up the few steps that separated the open space from the lounge.

"Everybody is here!" Usagi said cheerfully, plopping down in the spot next to Rei.

Minako grinned and sat on the opposite side of Rei, despite the warning look on Rei's face. "Usagi's already a little tipsy..." she sang, slinging an arm around Rei's shoulder. Rei shot me a dark look, which seemed to be full of regret for her decision to sit on the empty couch.

"Shhhhh!" Usagi said loudly, the way only a drunk person could. "I've only had TWO..."

"And two more!" Minako accused her, obviously slightly intoxicated herself. She reached right across Rei to grab Usagi's hands.

"OH MY GOD!" Usagi continued, hooking one arm around Rei's neck and the other towards Minako, pulling them into an uncomfortable group hug. "BEST FRIENDS FOREVER, OKAY?"

Minako's laugh was confident and fierce, ringing clearly above the music and I couldn't help but feel bad when I glimpsed Rei's scowl between blond hair and body shimmer.

"Seriously, little one," Mako said, hiding a smile and glancing at Usagi. "How many have you had?"

Usagi turned to her tall, brunette friend and launched herself at her for another drunken hug, somehow ending up in Mako's lap. "Mako, I LOVE you. Seriously..."

Mako managed to push the petite blond off of her, all while not spilling her beer. Usagi stumbled back into the table between us and caused many drinks to go falling over. I fretfully began cleaning up the mess, but it was all wasted effort. Mako tugged on my sleeve and nodded her head knowingly.

"Ah, Ami... don't worry about it..." she winked and tipped her drinks to her lips. "Bottoms up!"

I felt sick. I watched Usagi laugh and stumble, and I could almost feel the forced cheer oozing out of her. When was the last time I had seen Usagi in such a state, drunk and throwing herself at her friends for affection? Something was wrong but the others didn't seem bothered by it at all. Were we really so distant that such changes in each other's behavior didn't merit anything but laughs?

"I'm going away for a while," I suddenly blurted out, interrupting the chatter between my friends.

It was quiet for a beat as Usagi sat frozen in mid stumble between Rei and Minako.

Usagi smiled a bit and laughed. "For a par-ty vacation?"

"No," I said, sucking in tight breaths of air. "For good."

Another beat of silence and I saw Usagi's smile drop. Minako too had taken on an expression I could only describe as furious.

Mako was the first to respond. "What?" she demanded.

I started talking breathlessly, unsure of why I spilled my admission so quickly. "I'm leaving next week. I'm going away for the rest of the semester to study abroad. I'm thinking about applying to schools in Germany so I wanted to go live there and claim residency…"

"But… Ami…" Usagi started, her bottom lip already trembling. She tried to fight the emotions from showing on her face but failed miserably. "What happened to University of Tokyo?" I shook my head, realizing I hadn't even told them all about the terrible interview I had. I thought about the last time we had really talked together. Did they even know who I was anymore? Did they notice the dark circles under my eyes?

It was quiet for only a moment.

"It's our senior year!" Minako burst suddenly, standing up and pushing her way past Usagi. "You can't leave us… it's our last year before we all move off for college!"

I kept my face calm as I said, "What differences does it make if I leave now? We already live separate lives."

I saw Usagi open her mouth to protest but she didn't say anything.

"Ami, are you sure about this? Why did you wait so long to tell us?" Mako asked kindly, trying to smile bravely. I knew she too, was as freaked out by my confession as the rest of them. They were all wondering how long it had been since the drifting had started between us. They were all wondering how Ami could have changed without them noticing before now.

"Because I just barely decided," I said, running my thumb around the rim of my beer glass. I set it on the table before us and scuffed the heel of my boot against the dirty club floor. I hesitated only a moment longer before I made my second confession of the night. "Tomorrow morning an article is going to be printed in the Arts section of _Asahi Shimbun_. It's about my father. And me."

"Your father?" Rei asked softly.

"I thought he was dead," Minako cried hysterically.

"Or off with some other woman," Usagi butted in, coming to sit down next to me. Her eyes were still glossy with the shine of intoxication, but I knew it was hitting her just the same.

"It doesn't matter what you thought," I stated firmly. "I don't know what they are going to write in that article and I don't care. I'm not going to the University of Tokyo, Usagi," I said, turning to look at my friend, "And I'm not backing down from my decision, Mako."

"So that's it?" Minako yelled, pacing before us. "You're leaving just like that? With only a hasty goodbye?"

I noticed that Minako wasn't really glaring at me. In fact, her eyes were pinned to my left, at Rei.

"We're your FRIENDS!" she continued, her voice shrill. "How could you not even tell us about your FATHER? And now you're leaving to fucking GERMANY? What the hell happened to us? There was a time when you would tell me anything… ANYTHING!"

"Calm down, Minako," Mako said softly, reaching a hand out to touch Minako's arm. Minako stopped pacing and stood standing in front of us, her hands in curled fists at her sides. The others too, seemed to notice that Minako wasn't just freaking out because of my decision. There was something wild in Minako's eyes and she finally cast them downwards at her heels.

Rei remained silent and still in her seat, casting me knowing glances. Between us, the music continued.

"There was a time when I would tell you anything, Minako…" I started slowly. "But how can I when you aren't being honest with me either?"

Minako tried to crack a laugh but it came out as a sputter, her eyes still trained on the ground. "What the hell do you mean by that?"

I stood up and looked at my friends. I opened my palms and placed my hands in front of me.

"I'm sorry to ruin the reunion party... I just... I can't..."

"You can't WHAT?" Minako snapped, turning her head to glare at me.

I paused a moment, feeling the heat creep across my neck, feeling dizzy and tired and wrong. I felt like I had to give excuses for my behavior. I felt shamed. But I saw the judgment in Minako's eyes. I saw the glossy look in Usagi's. I saw Rei and Mako exchanging glances. And then it seemed to come spilling out of me, like a tidal wave of resentment and anger and too much sorrow to stop. Before I could even register my own actions, the words were spewing out of my mouth. "I can't handle YOU! ANY OF YOU! You lie so much to each other you don't even know who I am! I DON'T even know WHO I AM!" By the time the last words left my lips, I had turned around and started pushing my way past people towards the exit.

"Ami… wait…" Mako started, but I had already been swallowed by the crowd. The delicious, anonymous crowd, which let me get forgotten almost the instant I bombarded into it.

But my cell phone was ringing now. I saw that it was Mako calling and I wanted to ignore the call, I so desperately wanted to get away and be absorbed into that crowd. But for some reason I still picked it up and said, "What?"

"Ami, wait. Just wait a second."

I stopped walking, who knows why, and only a few moments later I felt Mako's hand on my shoulder. I slumped, standing in a crowd of people, still holding the cell phone to my ear. My bottom lip was trembling again. My hands were trembling again.

"Ami, what's wrong?" Mako asked, coming around to face me, snapping her own cell phone shut and blocking me from running away again.

One beat of silence.

My insides squirmed.

"Who was that guy you were with last night?" I replied quietly, unable to look up at her face.

"What…?" she stammered.

"With the dark, long hair. You know who I mean," I said, taking a deep breath and looking up at her startled eyes. She didn't give me an answer. I continued. "And you fainted. Are you going to keep lying about that too?"

Mako stood in front of me, offering no kind of explanation. I thought about standing in the kitchen with Rei, unable to give her any reason for my decision. But I felt no pity for Mako. All of our actions, mine included, made me disgusted.

Without another word I ducked my way around her and quickly made my way outside.

She didn't come after me this time.

**A/N:**

A bit shorter than the others... Review and let me know what you think. Thanks to everyone who went to check out my art work! You guys are the best.

A few responses:

**loveXalways:** Ahh! I LOVE your review! You just GET me. I personally love a character's dark side, and I'm very complimented by your response. I want them to stay in character. That's my highest goal.

**Madison Carthy:** I'm glad you like the Mako story lines… it's one of my favorites too. But shhh I'm just a modest author. Who is awesome.

**Elara:** I think you may be the nicest person… uhm… EVER. We totally need to gush on and on about particular TV shows together… I'm your girl for prowling, trust me.

**rainbabie:** I have no idea how long this story will get. I feel like I could keep writing it forever, but I guess I should start searching for some resolutions, eh? I think things will finally start to wrap up with the next round of character chapters. I guess we'll see.

**Nandini709:** I'm glad you enjoy the drama too… hahaha… sometimes I worry if this story is a bit TOO dramatic…

**Valkyrie Celes:** Sorry to disappoint you Seiya fans. But hey, I'm keeping an open mind so you should toooooo… He's not gone yet. Actually, I think he's finally going to want to settle down with a certain blond…shhhhh! I'm not giving anything away!

**And finally…**

**trusuprise:** I heart you. Seriously.

Next up is Minako.


	14. Chapter Fourteen: Minako

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Sailor Moon.

**A/N:**

Okay. Nobody kill me for this chapter.

That's all I gotta say.

Party on people, it's fucking summer (almost)!! (Although buggar for me… I still have a fulltime job AND school…)

Ho hum,

Mels

P.S. Just as a note, remember in the first part of this chapter, Minako is a little drunk. So if her thoughts seemed jumbled, it's deliberate... mmmk?

**Chapter Thirteen: Minako**

Ami's words were still ringing in the air.

I was pacing again, walking the short distance from one end of the couch to the other. Mako had run after Ami. Usagi had sat down on the table, among spilled drinks and everything, her expression so disgustingly sad I couldn't bear to look at her. And Rei… Rei had remained motionless in her seat, even as I continued my pacing in front of her, her knees bumping my leg with every pass.

Usagi was the first to disrupt the spell I had fallen into. She was talking quietly, so small and insignificant I had to refocus my entire fucked up thought process towards her. It wasn't easy. I could have continued pacing there all evening long, hating every honest and heartfelt word that Ami had uttered, hardly noticing anything or anyone at all. But I knew the feeling squirming in my stomach would not stop until at least some of our consciences had come clean.

Mine included.

"Ami was right," Usagi was saying.

I stopped pacing, squaring my shoulders in front of Usagi's trembling form. For some goddamn reason, I felt like crying when I saw her like that. She looked like she was brimming to the top and was going to spill at any moment. "Right about what?" I asked, rubbing my forehead tiredly.

"Everything," Usagi wailed, bundling tiny fists before her eyes. "I've been lying to you guys!"

I couldn't handle this. I could not take Usagi's breakdown right now. Not after what I had just seen Ami go through. I had enough bull shit to deal with in my own life, including the fact that I was currently homeless and couldn't stand my parents. After my friends had dropped me off at my house last night, I had immediately left to go wander off the rest of my hang over. I had three messages from my mother on my cell phone but I've decided not to return them. I didn't know if I would ever go home.

But Usagi seemed bent on pouring her heart out, given the teary-eyed display she was starting right now. I bitterly began wondering if Usagi's confession was coming so easily from her lips because she was already drunk. If she was sober, would she keep her mouth shut?

"Last night I kissed Mamoru."

I immediately began pacing again.

"What?" Rei demanded, speaking up for the first time.

I crossed Rei's path, sending her a significant warning glance, but she wouldn't meet my gaze.

"I just… it just… it got out of control!" Usagi cried, looking frantically at us with her giant, navy eyes. "I mean… he kissed me. I kissed him. Seiya said he wasn't my boyfriend. I was crying. It was snowing. He said I deserved better…" she rambled.

"Better? Like HIM?" Rei snapped, standing up and brushing herself off. "Usagi, how stupid can you get?"

"Don't call her stupid," I said suddenly, stopping my pacing and coming face to face with Rei. I was thinking of K now: His grainy beard stubble; his hands roaming under my shirt; his mouth whispering words I knew weren't true. I was thinking of the way he tasted. I was thinking of what a stupid, young, careless girl I was.

"At least I'm being honest…" Usagi whimpered, looking down at the floor. "At least I'm TRYING to come clean…"

_His clean smelling aftershave... like spearmint and camp fire... stupid girl, stupid, stupid, stupid... You have to come clean of your mistakes, shed them like a second skin... Skin on skin... rough hands trailing up my smooth, smooth skin..._

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rei barked, keeping her gaze on mine.

"That's what Ami was trying to make us do, isn't it?" Usagi continued. "She just wants us to be honest with each other… to ourselves…" Usagi's profound realizations were cut short when she suddenly stood up and looked directly at Rei. "Are you ever going to tell me why you were crying yesterday?"

Rei's eyes widened in surprise and I stifled a similar expression off of my face. I tried to picture Rei crying at all. It wasn't easy given the fact in all our years together I had never seen her cry, and I couldn't seem to keep my thoughts in order. They wandered in and out of reality, where all my problems seemed to clash into each other. _Home, school, married men, dressing rooms, Ami's breakdown and raven-haired girls standing in front of me..._

"I—what are you talking about?" Rei scoffed, trying to hide her shame in anger. I noticed that she took a few steps away from both Usagi and I.

"You were sobbing! You had bruises on the side of your face! I didn't want to push it, but if we are ever going to be friends again we have to start being open with one another, don't we?" Usagi persisted.

"Sobbing…" I echoed, looking distantly over at Rei. She was still standing in front of us, but I could tell she didn't want to be. I watched her, silently pleading for her to react, to come clean so maybe I could confess my secrets too. And as I watched her, her scowl seemed to drop, and it kept falling, until her whole expression had changed. Something terrified and sorrowful came crawling out of those eyes and I suddenly thought she might start sobbing right here and now. But then she swirled around and was pushing her way through the crowd.

"Rei!" I called, immediately taking chase after her. I'm not sure why I followed her. I just had to know what was wrong with her. What could make my fierce and brave friend crumble like that, right in front of my eyes? Was she hiding secrets like me too?

I saw her dark head duck into the bathroom and I followed her, despite Usagi's voice calling lost in the crowd. "Minako! Rei! Where did you go?"

The bathroom was a clusterfuck of grunge-rock chicks squatting on the sinks to smoke and no less than seven females all crowded around the mirror to touch-up their make-up. They were talking and laughing so loudly they competed with the music seeping in from the bar. The bathroom itself was covered in a multitude of cheap band stickers and various alcohol-inspired quotes scrawled across the walls. One that caught my eye said in big, thick, sharpie characters, "You can't die happy until you've fucked a rockstar."

Oh, how profound.

Not.

I shoved my way past the crowd and towards the wing where two stalls were standing. I knew Rei was in the first stall, since it was the only place for hiding in such a small, crowded bathroom. I didn't hesitate, letting my hand fly up and start pounding on the door before I could even think about what I was doing.

"Rei, come out!"

She didn't reply.

So I tried again.

"Come on, Rei! Everything is fucked up, it's ok!" I realized my statement didn't exactly make sense, but I was acting automatically now. I wasn't really thinking about what I was saying or doing.

"What do you want?"She finally called out, sounding just as defiant as I had remembered her.

I smiled to myself. I had just won the first battle of many we would have to get through tonight. "Why are you in a bathroom stall?" I countered, knowing the absurdity of the situation would get the better of her pride.

Right on cue, the latch on the stall was undone and the door was opened.

"Nice to see you've still got _some_ sense," I said, feeling dangerous and thrilled and scared all at the same time.

She crossed her arms in a huff and refused to meet my shining eyes. "What do you want, Minako?"

Whenever she said my name it was like a lightning bolt right down my spine. SHA-ZAM!

I took a breath, contemplating for half a heartbeat whether I should back down or not. But the noise in the bathroom would not stop, the flashes of K in my mind would not stop, and again he was mumbling into my mouth _I love you, Minako_ and I couldn't take the lies, I couldn't take the distance I had with my friends and my family, I had to know where we drew the line... And so I just dove right in, talking breathlessly. "Are you going to tell me why you decided to run away from your friends into a bathroom stall?"

"My friends?" Rei asked, narrowing her eyes into a glare.

"Yeah, your friends," I said loudly so she could hear me over the squawking of the other girls. I could feel my own pulse in my ears, and already the adrenaline was coursing through my body. "You know. The ones you left when you decided on a fucking whim to go to Europe."

"A fucking whim?" Rei seethed, continuing her infuriating questions.

"Yes a fucking whim!" I yelled, thinking of Ami and her abrupt decision to do the same. "Unless you have some profound reason that you could clue me in on. Maybe if you actually told me something about your life then I'd be able to understand why, even now, you continue to run away. Are you sick of all the lies too, like little Ami?"

"Who the hell _likes_ being lied too?" Rei spat, her eyes ablaze.

"Then why don't you try telling me something honest?" I snapped.

And just like that, an icy silence filtered in around us. There it was, said right out in the open. The honest truth was... we had nothing honest between us. And now here we were, standing only two feet from each other, in an over-crowded bathroom, with nothing but a delicate silence to fill in all the space between us.

I held my breath.

Rei opened her mouth to speak. She said nothing. Behind me, I heard a girl cry out, "Fuck me! You must be kidding!" Rei's eyes met mine. When she talked, her voice was quiet and still.

"I didn't go home last night."

My heart seemed to jump, the adrenaline from earlier settling into nervous hands I had to curl into fists to stop myself from reaching out to her. It was good to hear something true, especially coming from Rei's lips. I felt calmer now, yes, but there was something tangible in the air between us. I felt like I could sink my teeth into it.

I finally let go of my breath.

"Well well well, seems we've got something in common," I breathed.

Rei's expression was hard to read, but it bordered on suspicion. "But we dropped you off at your house..."

"I didn't stick around," I said dismissively, smiling now, "And I'm not going home tonight."

I could see I had peaked her curiosity, but she hid it well. "So, what are you going to do?"

My smile broke out into a grin and my nervous hands boldly grabbed her wrist in a spontaneous experiment. "I don't know. How about we find out?" I started pulling her out of the doorway of the stall.

She resisted at first, but I dragged her along and soon she started following me. We weaved our way through the bathroom mosh pit and back out to the club, which was pulsing with the same kind of energy that was humming through my entire body. I looked back over my shoulder at Rei to see her scowling. But it didn't matter. She wasn't resisting my attempts to take her away and I was smiling genuinely for the first time in a very long time.

And I couldn't stop.

* * *

I walked into the small, dimly lit sushi joint confidently. I had a hold of Rei's hand and even though I knew she hadn't exactly agreed to come with me, she still followed me to the farthest corner from the door. The place was nearly empty, and I had the delicious feeling that we were finally alone together. We slid into the booth on either side of the small table, and I grinned at her from my spot opposite of her. She kept her eyes narrowed in my direction, but I knew I could get those lips to crack.

"So, now what?" Rei barked, folding each arm deliberately over her chest.

"Now we eat. My treat of course," I said, grabbing a nearby menu and handing it to her. "I swear to God, this is the best sushi in Japan. It's better than sex."

Rei arched an eyebrow at me. I could tell she was intrigued by my forwardness, but she kept her cool demeanor. "Better than sex…" she said smugly, "By the looks of this place, I doubt it." Then, with eyes meeting mine across the table, she turned her nose ever so slightly in the air.

"Sometimes the most mouthwatering treats come in surprising packages, _Rei_," I said, flashing her a self-assured smirk.

"I guess we will see, _Mina_," Rei hummed, threading her gaze up and down the menu.

SHA-ZAM!

I rolled my fingers along the red table cloth—drumming them anxiously while I shifted my gaze from the menu and back to her face. You can't deny that I was nervous. I didn't know what to expect with my life anymore, certainly not from my family or any number of boys I had come to know… and now I was trying to sort things out with my best friend. Could I even call her my best friend? Had I ever? Were we just something else entirely, something I was too afraid to define?

Our waiter came and took our orders and I watched Rei's actions: her refined manners, the way she folded her hands in front of her and talked politely like a polished daughter of a politician. I studied my own appearance, which must have seemed so much more clumsy and disheveled in comparison to my steady companion. We were so different from one another, but it had never been an issue before now.

_I thought about wild nights back in tenth grade, when we had stayed up all night and snuck onto the roof of her townhouse to watch a meteor shower. We had spied on neighbors across the street through their windows, and made up scenarios about them. Mine were always filled with some dramatic intrigue or sex scandal and Rei would insist that they probably lived normal lives just like us, but of course, she said it in a way that was mysterious and intriguing and I remember thinking that perhaps she didn't live a normal life like I had thought, but actually had many things hidden in that quiet way of hers. _

_I thought about when we had skipped school because of the dreaded heat of August and gone lounging in the fountain in one of the government gardens. We had gotten caught and had to go running through the maze of flower bushes and trees, soaking wet in our clothes to get away. And we had landed breathless in a shady nook of a building, laughing and leaning on one another and her eyes were shining with a spark of danger, something I had only seen a few times before but I knew that she felt as alive as I did at that moment. _

_I thought about when we had sat under a Chinese elm tree one lazy afternoon and she had told me about my quirks and qualities that she actually admired and I had admitted to her that I looked up to her, yes, because she was always so much more than words could say, in fact, she was my best friend, yes, I had called her that and we had fallen asleep in the grass and woken up to the sounds of crickets…_

"Minako?"

I jolted out of my state.

Two violet eyes, blinking at me.

And her lips, saying my name.

Suddenly I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't keep pretending. We had one small breakthrough in terms of honesty, but now I had to know what the hell was wrong to begin with.

"What happened to us, Rei?" I demanded, staring at her fearlessly, even though I was terrified of her answer.

She didn't reply.

"If I remember correctly, you've got quite a mouth on you and you never hesitated before in firing it off at me," I said harshly, "So let's hear it."

"Two years happened," she finally replied, looking away from me.

"Yeah well, you came back."

"So?"

"So? You used to be fearless. You were invincible, I swear to God. But now you back down from questions and cry in front of Usagi and go running off into a bathroom to hide...?"

"My whole goddamn life fell apart, Minako!" Rei yelled, finally unleashing the anger I had known she was holding in all along. "And it sure as hell didn't get any better the minute I came home. It got a helluva lot WORSE."

I wanted to know what had happened to her. I wanted to rehash old memories together and spend all night talking about them. I wanted to forget all my shame for just one night... Just one night where I wasn't thinking of K and Yaten and Ace and Mako and my dad... where I could just be myself without any strings attached, free from the image I had created for myself. I wanted to be friends again with Rei. I wanted to forgive her for not saying goodbye to me, for disappearing in the midst of all the chaos and tragedy and devastation. I wanted to fall asleep under a Chinese elm tree... I wanted for just one time out of ten to be perfect...

Was it impossible? Was everything always doomed to be fucked up forever?

I distantly heard the sound of the sushi chef chopping quickly in the background and I suddenly became aware of the look in Rei's gaze.

Two violet eyes blinking at me.

Her lips, pursed into a thin, tight line.

God, I had to get out of here.

"So, that's it?" Rei asked after a while, setting her serious eyes on mine. I realized then that our waiter was now hovering over us holding a plate of sushi for us to share. I cracked him a peculiar grin and he politely set the food in front of us and made an exit.

"I'm finished," I said quietly, feeling defeated and tainted and wrong, wrong, wrong...

Again the silence fell between us. I couldn't bear it. Her eyes were burning into the side of my face, but I couldn't look up at her. Every word we had shared was running over and over again in my mind, making me fall down, down, down...

I needed a distraction.

With chop sticks open, I reached out to grab a piece of sushi, but Rei quickly caught my sticks with hers. She waited for me to look up at her, and when I did, she was scowling again.

"Don't you think that was a little uncalled for, Minako? I'm not gonna let you just eat your sushi in peace after all of that."

"Then what do you want?" I asked bravely.

"No, Mina, the question is what do _you_ want?"

A beat of silence and my heart got lodged somewhere between my ribcage and my throat.

"I'm not the one who ran away," I accused her.

"Mmm. But you said it yourself. I came back, didn't I?"

It was quiet a moment between us and I realized our knees were bumping underneath the table.

She had come back. And despite all the arguments we had since she had gotten home, she was with me now. Wasn't that something?

She was with me now.

And I didn't know if everything was alright or if she was my friend again or if it even mattered anymore. But it seemed, for one night at least, I didn't have to worry about all the other fuckups. I could just share some sushi with my old friend again and keep talking all night long.

So I grinned over at her, the way I used to when there was too much to say and too much left unsaid, our argument left behind in the blink of an eye. "Rei… Are you really gonna stay out all night with me, then?"

She smirked. "Perhaps."

And then she finally let go of my chopsticks, which had been suspended in midair, and grabbed the piece of sushi I had been going for. "You snooze, you lose, Minako…"

Have truer words ever been spoken?

* * *

"Wow, this car is amazing! I can't believe this is yours."

Rei slammed the door of the classic Cadillac parked in the storage shed her father owned. The shed door was wide open, leaving us a pretty good view of the Tokyo skyline and the sounds of city nightlife. It was past 3:00 a.m. already, but we still had many hours to kill before morning. After sushi, Rei had taken me here, where we had looked through various boxes of stuff Rei had put in storage before she went to boarding school. Now that she was back she wanted some of the stuff back.

We sat in her car together.

"Mmm. Well. It was my mothers," Rei said quietly, running her fingers along the steering wheel in one continuous, circular motion. She smiled a little, touching the old radio knobs and then moving her hands to the stick shift. I leaned back in the seat and closed my eyes, letting Rei's words fill up my mind. "My father bought it for her. Back when they were young, he used to be out of town a lot, doing business with his father… But everytime he came back to Tokyo he'd call my mother and ask her, 'What can I bring you?' She'd always laugh and reply with the same answer." I opened one eye and looked over at her, asking the silent question. Rei finally rested her hands back on the steering wheel and looked over at me. " She'd say, 'bring me a Cadillac and a mink coat.'"

I laughed out loud and Rei did too.

"I guess one day, he finally bought her one," Rei said simply, leaning back in the spacious driver's seat to match my reclined position. "And she left it for me…Although I have no idea how to drive this."

I looked over at her, feeling the fading effects of my alcohol buzz wearing away. She was still smiling distantly about memories I would never know. Seeing her like this made me want to tell her things, too.

"Rei…"

Her eyes met mine and I hesitated, wondering if I was ready for this. Would I ever be? My secrets had been a piece of me so long I had almost forgotten that they were secrets at all. It was like they happened to someone else, someone more vulnerable to them and their many damaging qualities. I now lived the life of a rich socialite, an actress, a seductress, a girl that everyone envied. But could I ever shed the lies my life had made for me?

"Rei… My father… he beats my mom sometimes."

The words were like dead weights falling through the air.

I looked away from her, unable to know her reaction to something like that. "After you left, her drinking problem got pretty bad. I can't stand being at home anymore. But I can't tell anyone about it because of... you know... our social circle and everyone else butting their petty noses into our business…"

"Keeping appearances…" Rei murmured and I finally turned to see her looking at me thoughtfully.

I wanted to tell her more, but something was stopping me. My better sense, perhaps, or my fear. I couldn't tell her my other secrets, about all the men who have broken my heart or all the sinful things I had done. I couldn't shed my second skin. Not yet anyway.

"Well, I'm not staying at home anymore because my father is remarrying an awful woman," Rei said, looking out at the city in front of us. And the way she said it was mysterious and intriguing and I wondered what else she hid in that quiet way of hers.

Maybe I would never find out.

But then again, you never know.

**A/N:**

Hey everyone. If you like secrets, check out postsecret .com every sunday. It'll change your life, for real… It sure made me start thinking about all the things people hide from one another.

A few responses…

**Madison Carthy: **Take THAT for tension between Minako and Rei. Sorry to say that somethings have to get cleared up eventually... believe me, I wish I could just keep writing this forever. And have I mentioned that you are awesome? I think I have, but let me say it again... YOU ARE AWESOME. I love your reviews. Really really.

**artstarcarlaina:** Carolina!! I was so happy when I saw your review. I'm always glad to know how you are. Thank you for always being my number one fan. Don't worry I'll write you another email soon. We have to gush on and on about all our art projects together!

**Nandini709:** Sorry about the long time between updates, but thanks for always come back for more! I'm glad my story is making you think deep thoughts. It's not all just fluff and train wreck drama, you know. Haha. Or maybe it is ;-)

**Ummster: **!! I miss yoouuuuu. When are you going to update, huh? I check your Fair Play story all the time. Get on it! And I'll leave a long review for you too (cause you're amazing).

**spud: **No telling who the senshi will end up with! I'm not giving anything away... Even though K wasn't in this chapter, it's not the end of him. So keep reading and you'll find out... (haha isn't it funny how I talk like I know how it'll end up? I STILL don't know how it will end... so I guess we'll both be guessing!)

**Alexander Supertramp**: You already know how much your review blew me away. I don't have enough thanks to give (but don't worry, I'll pm you soon, ok? Once stupid finals are over...) love and LOVE.

**trusuprise:** You are my favorite (do I say this too much? I can't help it). This chapter was just for you (and YES, it was intentional, just don't tell the others that). Ah goddamnit. I think I just gave it away.

Now to the rest of you… leave me a review! Do it. You know you want to. Because let's just face it people, you are drawn to my charisma... Right?? (Mels needs reassurance. She needs to reach 200 reviews in order to feel validated. Yes you heard me right. VALIDATED.)

I look forward to hearing from you all ;-) Thank you for all of your continuous support!

And oh shit, I have no idea who the next chapter will be. Maybe Mako. Or Rei?? Tell me who I should do!!


	15. Chapter Fifteen: Makoto

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Sailor Moon.

**A/N:**

Hello again.

I'M BACK. DO CARTWHEELS IN MY HONOR. DO IT NINE TIMES.

Hopefully some of your guy's questions will be answered in this chapter. No guarantees though. If you have any questions you are just DYING to have answered, then you can ask me in a review and I'll reply back. Or you can pm me. Or email me. Or smack me in the face and say "MELS WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS TOO JUICY TELL ME WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN!!" And I will laugh attractively and make something up just for you. Because I love you all. Really really.

(And let's just face it, you love me too.)

Your sexy-son-of-a-bitch author,

Mels

**Chapter Fifteen: Makoto**

I was left alone in a crowd.

My hands were prickling. I clenched my fists at my sides, trying to calm the surge of adrenaline that was suddenly coursing through my body. The music was too loud. Ami's words were too loud. And I couldn't believe I could have ever been so stupid, to let Nephrite coax and persuade me, to let Ami see me with him, to get as drunk as I had and forget what was important to me. She had said, "Who was that guy you were with last night?"

And I had said nothing.

Oh God.

I began opening and closings my hand, running my thumb over the rough ridges of my fingers. I felt the need to do something, to grab someone, to hold on and never let go. I was a liar. And Ami knew it before I did. How had I been fooling myself this long?

Everything, everything, was fucked up.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I jolted out of my state of shell shock to find myself nearly nose to nose with K. I backed away from him, stumbling on my own feet, still feeling the warmth of where his hand had been on my bare skin.

He looked as if he had seen a ghost.

K's hair was messily falling into his face and his eyes were red, as if he was high or had been up all night. He grabbed a hold of my shoulder again and I felt the prickling in my hands shoot up my arms. K looked at me square in the face. I had never really studied his face before, but it was actually quite attractive—especially his mouth, which was on the generous side and parted just enough for me to smell his delicious citrus breath. And then he spoke.

"Mako, have you seen Minako anywhere?"

I cocked an eyebrow at him, feeling somehow disappointed with his question. I heard the urgency in his voice. He was practically begging for my fickle, fun loving friend. And it wasn't the first time I had seen a man in such a state after being in Minako's addictive grasp. It was like she had a trigger she could switch to turn men into complete, dithering idiots when they wanted her.

"Uhm… She was just with me," I said cautiously, trying to read the expression within K's gaze. He kept his steel color eyes pinned on mine as he straightened his generous mouth into a thin line. I had to admit, it was kind of sexy.

"Can you, uh, take me to her?" he asked, trying to seem unconcerned with my response by cracking me a half-hearted smile.

"I suppose," I murmured, mesmerized by K's actions. He seemed to be controlled by some outside force acting on him. How the hell did Minako get guys to behave in such a manner? I never even got a phone call back from any of my pursuers…

My fists were clenching and unclenching once again.

He wrung his hands together and said, "Great, great. Thanks."

I swirled around and headed back towards our table as K followed me through the crowd. I was surprised to find that our table was completely abandoned except for one small, trembling blond-headed bombshell, currently sitting in a puddle of spilled beer on our table. I reached a hand out and touched her arm and Usagi looked up at me in astonishment. Giant, crocodile tears were sliding down her rosy cheeks and dripping off of her bottom lip, her chin, the tip of her nose.

"M-m-m-m-mako…" she blubbered and then burst, grabbing a hold of me and latching herself onto my neck. "You came back!"

"I-uh… where did Rei and Minako go?" I managed between her sobs.

"They…they…they… deserted ME!" she wailed, nuzzling even farther into the confines of my neck, even as I attempted to get her off of me so I could breath properly.

"Usagi… calm down… you're drunk…" I reasoned softly, petting her golden curls and casting K a frantic glance.

His eyes were heavy with disappointment. For one frozen moment I thought he might say something to me, so deep was the desperation in his eyes. But before I could speak up he merely nodded darkly in my direction and turned back out to the crowd.

"K! Wait!" I called out, but it was too late. He was already gone and I was left to deal with all the pieces left behind in Ami's wake. Seeing K again painfully reminded me of Nephrite, and exactly what we had almost done last night. I wasn't ready to face that yet—especially not when I was in the midst of an Ami-Usagi breakdown and a Minako-Rei disappearance.

"Goddamnit," I muttered, managing to stumble over towards the couch and collapse onto it, Usagi still clinging to me like her life depended on it. I didn't know what the hell to do or how to calm Usagi down. But I wanted some answers from Minako.

I absentmindedly continued my petting of Usagi's hair as I flipped open my cell phone with my other hand. I tried calling Minako first, pressing the phone up to my one free ear, feeling the prickling in my palm continue. I took in one shaky breath after another, listening distantly to the ringing phone and to Usagi's sobs, which had become mere whispers in comparison to the deafening heights of her usual wails. Minako didn't answer, so I tried Rei next. Again, no answer. Swearing under my breath I finally pried Usagi off of me. Her nose was red from all the crying, but somehow she still looked beautiful.

"So, what happened?" I asked, knowing that getting a straight answer from an emotional and drunk Usagi wasn't going to be easy.

"We got in a fight!" Usagi stammered, kicking off her brown boots and folding her feet underneath her. She hunkered down next to me, resting her head on my shoulder and wrapping slender arms around my ribcage.

"About what?" I continued, my patience dwindling by the minute.

"Well, I told Rei that we had to start being honest with each other and then she got all angry like she might KILL ME and Minako had to step in and get her all riled up just because I told them that I kissed Mamoru even though I didn't really mean to because it just happened, you know? It just happened I couldn't stop it! It was like some other person took over my body and made me kiss him but what was I thinking? I have a boyfriend, sort of, well he said he wasn't sure if he was my boyfriend but I still feel like I cheated on him, sort of. But he might have other girlfriends, what do I know? He never tells me anything! He's always dodging around topics and telling me I'm beautiful but what does he know? And then Rei and Minako ran off without me and I couldn't find them anywhere and I thought I was going to be all alone for the REST OF MY LIFE!"

Usagi was off again, crying helplessly as I tried to absorb all the words she had just said.

I sighed, leaning on the arm of the couch and rubbing my face with my hand. I felt like I was being suffocated with Usagi clinging onto me, the noise of the crowd pressing in from every angle, the memories of last night surfacing along with Ami's accusations in my mind.

"Usagi, it's okay…" I murmured, teeth clenched together. "Everything is going to be okay…"

She continued her crying.

I continued my lying.

* * *

I slammed my door closed.

Dropping my keys, my coat, my purse and my shoes into a tangled heap on the floor, I made my way into the kitchen, wanting nothing more than to make myself something delicious to eat and then head to bed. But oddly enough, my kitchen light was already on, and I couldn't escape to cooking or the empty confines of my house because there was somebody waiting for me.

Motoki was sitting on the countertop, lanky legs swinging humorously off the edge, a giant grin plastered on his face.

"What are you doing in here?" I said tiredly.

Motoki looked up, half of an onigiri sticking out of his mouth. "Mako!" he called, his voice muffled as he continued eating. "Look! I made onigiri and they each have a different little face."

He motioned to the plate of rice balls next to him, all rolled into different shapes and featuring different nori faces. Motoki's grin was beaming with pride and I couldn't help but offer him a weary smile. It had been a long night already. I had calmed Usagi down the best that I could and made sure Ami made it home alright. Then I had dropped Usagi off at her house without alerting her parents of her intoxicated state. I had called Minako many times, but her cell phone must have been shut off. And every time I heard her sing-song voice starting, "Hey everyone, Minako here… well I guess I'm not really here…" I wanted to throw my phone across the room. My insides were boiled away with the anger I suppressed all night long, and it was just enough to leave me exhausted.

I had no fight left in me.

I stood wavering in the kitchen, feeling like I could curl up right here on the wood floors to sleep. But Motoki was grinning at me, shoving rice balls into his mouth and his energy was contagious.

He offered me the onigiri he had been eating with an open hand. I reached out tentatively to take it from him, keeping my eyes pinned on his smile, which seemed to be hiding until he could see my reaction to his treat. The onigiri was sweet and sticky, and I finished it in one big bite, licking the remnants of it off of my fingers. One glance at Motoki and I saw that he was truly smiling again, beaming in the cheerful way only he could at one in the morning.

There was something about Motoki that put me at ease.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," he finally said after I remained silent.

I nodded distractedly, looking over to my left at the living room. It was dark in that room, but I could still see the outlines of the furniture, especially the lumpy couch, which gave my stomach a sickening lurch. Less than twenty-four hours ago I had been on the couch, and I hadn't been alone.

"Mako, are you alright?" Motoki asked.

But I wasn't listening to him. The memories from last night were playing in my mind like a movie I couldn't turn away from.

_He was smiling at me. Nephrite was smiling at me. He had a hold of my hands and he was running his lips over every inch of them, every now and then nipping them slightly with his teeth. I giggled, feeling powerful in my possession over him. But of course, the alcohol was acting for both of us now. I was in the dreamy state of intoxicated bliss, and Nephrite looked tasty._

"Mako?"

Motoki had jumped off of the counter and come to stand in front of me. His eyes were infuriatingly concerned again. He looked like he wanted to say something to me but didn't know how. I ran my hand under my eye and through my hair. I was so tired. I was just too tired to deal with any of this anymore.

_Nephrite was smiling at me, and when I sat down on the couch he sat next to me. We had been at the after-party and then came here. I don't remember how we had come to my house, or how we had ended up in my living room, but we were here together. Alone. There was one electric moment between us, where I timidly cast glances in his direction, and then he reached out and ran his hand up my neck. The reaction was almost instantaneous. His mouth came crashing into mine._

"Listen Mako," Motoki said, taking a hold of my chin so I was forced to look away from the lumpy couch and its many memories to see his green eyes staring into mine. "I need to talk to you about something."

"What is it?" I asked, not really wanting to know.

He suddenly seemed less sure of his decision and promptly let go of my chin. Looking towards the tall windows that lined my kitchen, he began talking, the light from the pool seeping in and casting eerie blue light on his face. "Well… I mean… last night, I saw that guy you were with. And he kind of left in a big roar, his car engine was so loud he just tore down the driveway…"

"Is there a point to this?" I asked uncomfortably, darting my eyes away from him and back towards the living room.

"Well, it was really late. And a bunch of your lights were on in your house so I thought I'd come and check on you and make sure you were okay…"

"You came looking for me?" I said slowly, the anger I had been holding in beginning to swell in the base of my stomach. Like a vicious beast inside of me, it started sneaking up my esophagus until I felt like I might throw up from the dizzying ride of emotion living in me.

"Well yeah, and I mean, you weren't in your room. So I checked the other wing of the house…"

"The other wing of the house," I seethed, knowing full well that he had found me there, among the ruins of my parent's room. After my night with Nephrite I had come up to my sanctuary, only to remember that it was completely trashed, and in tears I had begun cleaning up and throwing everything away. I looked away from him again, biting on my tongue to try and make my feelings from erupting. I could feel Motoki's eyes on me, but I couldn't look at him. The shame, the anger, the memories wouldn't stop coming.

_Nephrite pressed his body into mine, and I leaned back on the couch, until he was on top of me. I could taste the whiskey on his tongue, and it tasted bitter yet so delicious. He had strong, forceful hands that felt good against me. I liked that he wasn't treating me like a delicate flower. I liked that when he kissed me, he also bite down on my lips until they stung. And he ran his mouth along my face and neck until he mumbled something into my ear._

Motoki was talking again. I finally looked at him and felt sick. He stared at me with knowing eyes and I hated that he knew my weaknesses before I did. Just like Ami had known my lies before I was willing to admit them. I hated that I felt like crawling up inside my own skin to get away from the denial I was choking on. I hated that I could still feel Nephrite's rough hands touching every inch of my body.

"It was their room, wasn't it?" Motoki asked quietly, reaching out to touch my face.

"How dare you!" I exploded suddenly, smacking away his hand and reaching out to grab a handful of his shirt. "What the hell do you know about them?"

Motoki was surprised by my outburst, yes, but he kept a level-head. "I know about your parent's Mako… You don't need to hide it from me anymore…"

I scoffed, tightening my grip around his collar, the boiling in my ears reaching deafening heights.

"If you let me, I could help you…" he continued.

"HELP ME?" I shouted, shoving him away with as much energy as I could muster.

He stumbled backward, but immediately came back towards me. His knowing eyes were pleading with me, asking me to understand. But I couldn't. I was too stuck on my past, on my parents, on Nephrite and that damn, couch in the corner of my eye. And the memories were blinding me so I couldn't even see Motoki anymore. All I could see was _him._

"_I hafacondom," he mumbled._

"_What?"_

"_I haveacondom," he slurred again._

"_What?!" I yelled, pushing Nephrite off of me. He landed clumsily on the floor next to me, fire in his eyes. "You think just because I kissed you I'll have sex with you?" _

_He stood up, yanking on his tie, running his hand through his long, wavy hair. "What the hell is wrong with you, Mako? I thought you wanted it."_

_"What the hell do you know about what I want?" I hissed. I couldn't believe it. He knew nothing about me. He didn't know that I dreamed about my parents every time I closed my eyes. He didn't know the only other boy I had kissed was in the eighth grade and he had broken my middle school heart. He didn't know that I could cook the perfect soufflé or that my favorite orchid was dying. He didn't know I wanted to marry young, so I could live the life my parents never got to, or that I wanted to open a flower shop one day._

_ No. He didn't know any of these things. As far as he knew, I was just some girl who made a habit of screwing random guys when she was drunk._

_"You don't even know me!" I spat at Nephrite, standing on shaky legs to face him. "One night together and you think I'm yours?"_

_Nephrite nearly snarled. "You're pathetic."_

"_Just get out," I ordered, fighting off the burning in my eyes. I hated that I felt like crying. Especially in front of him. But Nephrite just smirked at me. And then he laughed._

Motoki's was watching me as I silently relived the humiliation of last night. I couldn't face him anymore. I couldn't explain what was wrong with me. I couldn't cry in front of him of all people. I turned around to leave him, but he quickly grabbed a hold of my wrist.

"Mako… stop, please."

"What the HELL do you think you know about me?" I raged, yanking my wrist from his grasp and continuing on my path upstairs, blinking back blurry tears. The words sounded all too familiar to me, but I couldn't keep my mind straight. I was dizzy and tired. I just wanted to be alone. Yelling over my shoulder I continued, "I've been alone my whole goddamn life I don't need YOU reminding me of it!"

"Mako, it'll be okay…" Motoki said quietly and something in his voice made me twirl around to see him. He looked timid, yet hopeful. He looked honest. I wanted to wipe that wholesome expression off of his face.

I came storming back towards him, halting only inches from his face. I could feel his chest moving up and down. I could feel the thudding in his ribcage.

"I'm supposed to be alone. THAT'S the way it's always been. And you have a girlfriend, Motoki."

"What does that have to do with anything?" He asked, green eyes searching mine.

"It means you can't help me," I said, feeling the tears swell behind my narrowed eyes. "It means whatever the hell you or I am thinking CAN'T HAPPEN!"

He reached toward me again, hands landing on my arms, crawling up towards my shoulders. "So you were thinking it too?" he whispered, pulling me into his grasp.

And I couldn't resist anymore, I was too tired to fight against someone who wanted to be nice to me, who offered me sticky and sweet onigiri after a terrible night, who wanted to be with me even when I wasn't drunk...

"Goddamnit…"I mumbled, dropping my forehead to Motoki's collarbone, where I stared down the slope of his chest in wonder. It was moving up and down again, and I matched my breath with his, in and out, in and out. And I thought about his words, floating across the small space between us and vibrating in my eardrums, making sound through the molecules between us. And we were connected, if I liked it or not, by the vibrating of the air, by our jointed breath, by his words reaching the inner confines of my reality making us connected, connected, connected, connected…

"Mako, you can't close off…" he was saying, his hands now in my hair, threading through the gnarled tousles of my ponytail. "I know you've been alone. We're the same…"

We're the same, we're connected, we're connected…

"Mako, you're the first person who showed me kindness in a very long time… opening your home to me… being my friend, my best friend, really. You don't deserve to be crying alone at night…in a room filled with the ruins of your old life…"

_And his eyes were watching me, and I couldn't stop the goddamn tears from falling, because they had started the moment he had kissed me. And they had grown behind closed lids as he smothered me against the couch. And now he was watching them plummet towards the ground, so he could get the satisfaction of my denial. So he could see that I was in pain too._

"I can't," I choked, pushing myself away from Motoki's warm arms, warm breath, the closeness and connectivity of our entire relationship.

"Mako…" he said one more time with the same wholesome honesty pitched in his tone. I hated that out of all the guys I had to hurt, Motoki was one of them.

"_Well it's your loss," Nephrite had said smugly, but he was drunk and I was drunk and none of it, nothing in that moment was real. I watched him leave through my front door feeling like I had lost something too monumental for me to realize at that moment._

"I can't," I repeated and then went upstairs to my room and screamed as hard as I could into my pillow.

**A/N:**

Hopefully that last part wasn't too confusing with switching between memories and reality.

Maybe this wasn't the resolution you were looking for… but at least some things are coming out in the open, ehhhh? And I guess this is kind of a PGSM spin on Mako (damn I seem to PGSM spin everyone) since she's hanging with Motoki and feels she is meant to be alone. So what's next for all these troublesome girls? Will Ami really go to Germany? Is Rei finally going to open up? Is the secret rendezvous between Mamoru and Usagi going to happen again? Is Mels the coolest person you know?

Well, that last question was an easy one.

Leave me a review! Come on. I will draw a pretty picture in honor of this story after we reach 200.

Yayyy here are some responses:

**Georgie: **Ah, I like to leave such questions up to the readers… but since you asked so nicely I figure I'll tell you how it is in MY mind. Minako and Yaten haven't done the freaky deed… yet. Their relationship isn't very stable, and the more Minako tried to push herself onto Yaten, the more resistant he is. It's only when she's playing coy that he responds.

**roswellachick:** Your reviews always make me so happy. But you already know that ;-)

**ValkyrieCeles:** Sorry I didn't do a Rei chapter… but she's coming up next. I think. DAMNIT I don't know. But here's hoping, yeah?

**anna: **I'm glad you pointed out how Usagi is the glue between all the friends. I'll have to keep that in mind as I wrap up all these chapters. Thank you so much for your compliments and hopefully I'll keep meeting your expectations. I'm glad you feel like you can relate to all the characters too. I kind of wanted to write this story to show that everyone has a side to the story that you should consider. So in life, we should never judge one another without seeing things from their perspective.

**BonitaChickia: ** One order of Jedite coming up!

**whoknoez: **THANK YOU FOR BEING EXCITED. Your excitement makes me excited. Omgomgomgomgomgomg.

**trusuprise: **My goal is to be as cool as you someday. :sighs wistfully: And….I don't know why I'm posting this here. So ignore it. Maybe.

www. melreality. blogspot. com

Hey everyone stop by my blog. Kind of. Actually don't. Don't do it. I don't know. I have mixed feelings about it. I might delete it. OHMYGOD I DUNNO WHAT TO DO. I guess… check it out while you can. It may be a limited time offer!!


	16. Chapter Sixteen: Rei

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Sailor Moon.

**A/N:**

My dearest readers,

Since you are so awesome, I drew a picture for you. YES. Check it out here (if you haven't already): scarletlady. deviantart. com/art/For-200-86183431 (Take the spaces out between the dots.) You better like it. If you ask me, it's pretty fucking HAWT. Do any of you guys have a deviantart account? If you do, leave me your user name so I can check you out!

In other news, it's a Rei chapter. So let's all celebrate. I'll bring the ice cubes, you bring the party hats, and we'll get IT ON.

Lurve,  
Mels

**Chapter Sixteen: Rei**

"Rei-chan?"

My eyes fluttered open.

Minako's baby blues were wide open and staring into mine. Her lips were far too close for comfort and she was uttering my name in a hurried whisper, like she had just gotten caught doing something wrong.

"What is it?" I asked tiredly, leaning on my elbow and examining my surroundings. We were still in the classic Cadillac in the garage, but it was now daylight. We must have fallen asleep while talking early this morning. But now what was Minako doing? She was nearly on top of me, and she looked worried. "Why are you so close to me?" I demanded.

"I'm hiding," she breathed, ducking her head towards my neck.

I swatted at her annoyingly, attempting to straighten myself out in the narrow confines of the front seat. "Will ya get your knee out of there?" I scolded.

"Someone's in the garage!" she hissed, motioning to the front window of the car. She shoved me down so I was back to lying flatly along the front seat.

"What do you mean _someone is in here_?" I asked, scowling up at her. Minako's hair was like a curtain around us, and I didn't like that she was pinning me down with both of her hands on my shoulders. I struggled in her grasp and then finally managed to get the upper hand. We both got tangled together as I forced her down so I could stick my head up and steal a peek at the rest of the garage.

"Oh great," I muttered, lowering myself back towards the furious blond below me. "It's Mr. Kaido."

"Mr. Kaido?" Minako whispered, using me as a stand for her to push herself up to get a look at him. Her hand was very heavily squashed into the side of my head, as punishment for doing the same to her, I suspected. I fumed silently until she joined my reclined position once again. "What is he doing here?"

"Looking for me," I said darkly, glancing down towards where our legs were awkwardly twisted together. I only had one shoe on. _Where did my other shoe go?_

"Like what you see?" Minako said smugly, interrupting my thoughts. She yanked on a loose end of my hair and I glared at her. It wasn't hard considering she was only inches from my face.

I grummbled and finally sat upright, shoving at Minako so she would do the same.

Mr. Kaido jumped slightly, startled at the sight of two disheveled girls popping up in the front seat of a Cadillac. I began smoothing my hair as best as I could and noticed my shoe lodged down near the pedals of the car. I put my shoe on and then opened the door to face the man in front of us.

Mr. Kaido looked me up and down, shoving his hands into his expensive, grey suit. "I won't even ask what you two were doing in there," he said coolly.

Minako giggled stupidly behind me and I shot her a nasty glare before turning it back to Mr. Kaido. "Did my father send you?" I asked bravely as Minako finally scrambled out of the car to join my side.

"No actually," Mr. Kaido said, bringing his hand out of his pocket and flipping open his zippo lighter with the flick of his thumb. "Just… wanted to see you." He shut the lighter only a second later. Open and shut.

I began chewing on my bottom lip, a nervous habit I hated. "Uh-huh," I scoffed, tossing my tousled hair over one shoulder.

"I checked out all sorts of places I could think of." Open and shut.

"Uh-huh." Chew. Chew.

"But I didn't expect to find you here…" Open and shut.

Chew. Chew. Chew.

"…with a girl I thought wasn't your friend…" Open.

Chew. Chew.

"…in Risa's old Caddy." Shut.

Hearing her name out in the open like that made all the memories from a few nights ago come rushing back at me. He was thinking of her now. So was I.

"It's mine now," I barked, the fire in my voice vibrating between us. My eyes lingered on his moving fingers, which were still playing with that damn cigarette lighter.

Mr. Kaido laughed softly. "You can't even drive a stick shift…"

I looked away from Mr. Kaido, swallowing back the onslaught of insults I wanted to throw at him. I didn't know what to do. But then I felt Minako's reassuring hand on my shoulder as she whispered, "Let's just blow him off and get out of here." I felt relieved with her comment. It was exactly what I had in mind. Last night with Minako had been… unbelievable. For one night I had almost forgotten about the bullshit of my life long enough to enjoy myself. But now here it was, Sunday morning and it was waiting bright and early for me.

"Why are you even here, Jedite?" I said, his name still feeling awkward on my tongue. I didn't like the images it caused in my mind. My face flushed involuntarily at the thought of him and my mother alone together.

"Are you ever coming home, Rei?" Mr. Kaido asked quietly. My eyes met his. I continued chewing on my bottom lip. I looked away.

"What difference does it make?" I snapped, deciding to follow Minako's advice and blow him off. I turned away from him, but his hand caught mine.

"It makes a difference to _me_," he said.

I snatched my hand out of his grasp and grabbed a hold of Minako's instead. "Well too bad," I said, shooting him one last glare before swirling around to leave. I dragged Minako out of the garage even as Mr. Kaido called out, "Where are you going?" I ignored him, storming my way through the other storage units, Minako on my heels.

Mr. Kaido didn't follow us.

Once we reached the road, I couldn't hear his lighter flicking open and shut anymore, but it was pinned in my mind. After all these years, Mr. Kaido knew just how to get under my skin.

"Just forget about him," Minako said as I hailed a cab for us to run away in.

If only it were that easy.

* * *

She yawned.

"It's too fucking early," Minako said, leaning her head on my shoulder.

I remained silent, looking out of the window as our cab headed towards downtown. I watched my reflection in the cool glass as my reality blurred past us. My swollen red lips, my pale porcelain skin… my dark and glittering eyes… Were we really the same, her and I? When she was 17, did she feel like running away too?

My mother lived a quiet and lonely life in the shadow of my father's fame and wealth. She was alone when she died. She lived the last years of her life in a hospital bed, sick and weak. I didn't want to end up like her, as horrible as it was for me to say. I didn't want to end up dying alone in a hospital bed, without anyone by my side. Even Jedite hadn't been there. How could he, when their entire relationship had been a secret?

Oh God, how could people live their lives that way?

I looked over at Minako, who was contently snoring on my shoulder. Her confession to me last night proved that she wasn't nearly as careless as her outer persona portrayed. She worried, just like me, about what was happening to us and our families. And to think that neither of us felt like we could return home but felt comfort in each other last night…

She was asleep.

I felt brave because of it. I extended my hand out to brush the strands of her hair from my shoulder, and they fell silently towards her slowly moving chest. Fascinated, I played with the end of her hair, pressing it lightly between thumb and index finger. It slid through my grasp like silk.

I smiled, despite myself.

"Minako-chan… we're here," I said softly, reaching out to touch her.

She jolted awake before my touch had landed, and I froze. My hand remained wavering in front of her until I finally snatched it backwards, taken aback with my easy comfort with her. She blinked at me a few times sleepily before a sheepish grin slid onto her pouty lips. She fumbled for her purse and some cash. "I guess I needed some beauty rest," she proclaimed, handing the cab driver the money.

I tried to shake the feeling creeping up in me, flushing my neck with heat. My voice was strangled as I replied. "Beauty rest, hmm? Trying to impress somebody?" I shot at her, opening up the door to get out of the cab as quickly as I could. The close confinement of the space made me itchy and I breathed in the cold morning air, grateful for the boundless sky that greeted me.

"Certainly not you," she shot back.

I felt her reach out and grab my hand, a gesture she had attacked me with last night and I had been too shocked to resist. I should have known better that she would adopt any inch I would give her as something to be accustomed to. Thanks to my cowardice last night, she was now comfortable with this display of... what? Friendship? Affection? More?

Feeling annoyed with her frivolous actions, which could have meant nothing to her but so much to me, I mouthed something I had been wondering for some time now. "One of your many boyfriends, then?" I asked not-so-subtly.

"I don't have a boyfriend," Minako said briefly, winking in my direction.

She was infuriating.

Minako opened up the coffee shop door with her free hand and we stood in the entrance way for a minute. I looked around, memories flooding my mind from the first years of high school, when I had met the girls early each morning for coffee before class started. The smells, the sounds, the same seats in the corner we always occupied… It was almost too much for me.

"Mmm Rei, I knew you'd like this spot…" Minako mused, walking forward to get in line for our drinks.

"Just get me a black coffee," I said to her, folding my arms across my chest as she finally let go of my hand.

"You don't need to tell_ me_ that, Rei... You never change..."

I rolled my eyes, heading over towards the cushy seats I couldn't wait to sink into. They were just as soft and addicting as I had remembered, and I deliciously took my time in reliving my memories, slowly sitting back and looking around the small shop. My eyes drifted to the table before me and I noticed today's paper lying where it always had been.  
_  
Ami would be reading this now..._ I thought silently.

It dawned on me then that today was the day the article would be printed about her. I instantly reached out to get a hold of the arts section, but hesitated once my hand reached the thin newsprint paper. She wouldn't want me to read about it, would she? Out of respect for her, I tried to press it out of my mind, knowing that if I didn't bring it up, neither would Minako.

I looked up and saw her heading over towards me, balancing two cups of coffee along with her purse while pushing up her sunglasses.

_She's unstoppable,_ I thought, letting the rare, genuine smile slip onto my lips.

Suddenly a man was rushing up to her, calling her name wildly. He came stumbling up to her from one of the corners of the shop, long grey hair messily falling all over his face.

"Minako," he said again and again.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Minako hissed as he grabbed her by the arm and led her towards the corner of the café. She quickly placed the two cups of coffee on a nearby counter and glared at him angrily. "You look like shit, by the way."

The man leaned in and started talking in a hurried whisper. "I left my wife, Mina…"

"YOU WHAT?!" Minako yelled, taking two steps away from him and yanking her arm out of his grasp. Several people around her turned around to see her furiously stomping her feet and flicking back her hair. I saw the familiar, fearless glimmer in her eye and I knew then that some devilish part of her was enjoying this. The man tried to quiet her down but she kept going. "You better not have done that for ME, you fucking idiot."

He ran his hands through his long, grey hair and reached out to her again. "Mina… please… just come with me, will ya?"

"I will not!" Minako cried, fighting in his grasp.

"But… I've gotta talk to you… I need to, Minako…"

Even I could hear the earnest honesty in his voice. And as curious as I was about the situation in front of me, I could feel the vicious anger start to crawl into my system. It seemed Minako had plenty of secrets she kept, including breaking the hearts of married, older men.

Minako stopped her struggling for a moment and the man didn't hesitate in losing his chance. His lips were on hers before she had even stood up straight. And to my utter surprise, she didn't immediately pull away and slap him in the face. Instead she seemed to freeze under his mouth, as his hands tightened around her waist, pulling her into an intense embrace.

And I had no reason to be angry.

I had no reason to be fuming silently as I watched her mouth open up to him, his hands snaking their way up her back, through the silky hair I had touched only minutes earlier. I had no reason to feel betrayed by my best friend, for keeping things from me, for openly being like this... like THIS... with someone right in front of my eyes. But I couldn't stop the rush of rage I suddenly felt. I couldn't stop the burning in my eyes, threatening to team over the top at any minute.

"K…please…" she mumbled.

I had seen enough.

I got up, abandoning the scene in front of me and flew outside into the cold morning air. I pulled Ami's cropped military jacket as close as I could, but it wasn't meant for warmth—it was meant for fashion—for a façade—for an obnoxious deception to alert people of my wealth and status. I growled in the back of my throat, undoing the jacket's many fastenings and throwing it on the ground in anger.

It was then that I heard her melodious call out to me.

"Rei-chan, where are you going?"

I swirled around, fire in my eyes and yelled, "Who the hell do you think you are?"

She blinked at me, her hopeful smile falling so fast I couldn't even register the beat of time. She stopped walking, standing nearly six feet away from me. "Rei… I'm sorry about that… he's, it's just… K… he's out of his mind…"

"Out of his mind…" I echoed, looking away from her.

_Rei, you're out of your mind. What did you think would happen? _

I felt the wall coming up inside of me, blocking out any chance I had to be honest with her. I didn't want her to see any of it, not one shard of the real Rei inside of me, screaming to get out. I didn't want her to know how her careless actions would always be the root of my desire to run away.

Minako remained waiting, precariously balanced between being too close and too far away.

"I've gotta get going," I said briefly, picking up the jacket and throwing it over my shoulder.

"What?" she called out, running up behind me. Her hands found mine again, and I instinctively recoiled from her touch. She was too close. Too close for me to even stand her lies, her secrets, the smell of him all over her.

"What do you mean _you've got to get going_?"

And I couldn't speak. I knew my voice would reveal me and my anger. I knew I wouldn't be able to hide it from her.

"Listen Rei… There's a lot about me that you don't know, sure. I mean… it's been two whole years that we've been apart but… that doesn't' mean we can't… we can still…"

"We can still what?" I asked darkly, finally looking up at her.

She smiled slowly, devilish lips parting to display her perfect teeth. God. I hated her for looking so goddamn nice and beautiful and _right_ in the morning sunlight.

"We can still be friends, Rei-chan, ne?"

Her smile was genuine. It reached her eyes. It had to be. She couldn't be lying about this too.

I sighed.

How? How did she know the way to nestle inside even my most stable guard against her? Did she really want to be friends? The type of friends who stayed up all night together until we fall asleep in an old caddy reminiscing about our past together...?

"Ne? Rei-chan?"

I nodded gruffly, stuffing my hands into my jean pockets so she couldn't try and grab them again. She linked her arm with mine nonetheless and started pulling me down the street—the man, the kiss, and the anger forgotten.

I swear, if it weren't for the golden sunlight, she wouldn't have gotten the better of my pride.

But she did.

**A/N:**

Yikes. And more yikes. Two more chapters until the end, I think. Only Mamoru and Usagi left. Dunno how that will work out. I might end up twisting things around a bit. As always... I guess we'll see!

And some replies:

**Valkyrie Celes:** Ahhhhh too much to fit into one CHAPTER!! I got Jedite and Minako but no Beryl. Shame on me. Maybe I can fit her into my Mamoru chapter somehow. I don't know. I don't think EVERYTHING is going to get wrapped up. It's probably going to be one of those "open-ended" endings which I'm sure everyone will hate and flame me for. But you'll still love me... right?? :is scared:

**darkitty04:** Mako is going to be the hardest character to finish off with style. I have ideas for all the others except her!! Okay, let's all take a poll. Should Nephrite just be one bad accident, or should he turn into something more?! TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

**Dreams of Starlight: **I feel so bad for leaving you in the dark for WEEKS. I'm too easily distracted. I've been busy writing this other story that I want to post (no promises, though). But finally here it is! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed your review .

**Elara: **Thanks for such an honest review. Really really. I hope things are going better... truth will conquer all (and truthfully you are supah-cool and supah-nice).

**Alexander Supertramp:** You rock. I'm going to write you again really soon. Don't let school kick your ass too hard, ok? You have to take time out to read wonderful fanfiction (cough cough, like MINE mwhaahahaha).

**tru:** I've gotta get you back for all your shout-outs:

Hey everyone!! If you like Rei+Minako fics, check out trusuprise. 'Cause basically... she's the coolest. And awesome. And will blow your mind. ;-)

Alright. Review everyone! DO IT. DO IT AND I WILL TAP DANCE IN YOUR HONOR.


	17. Chapter Seventeen: Mamoru

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own Sailor Moon.

**A/N:**

SORRY EVERYONE. Come see my new sketchblog: mmmels. livejournal. com I've been wasting my time on that instead of writing. FORGIVE ME.

Okay warning. Some sexual content in this chapter, but I tried to keep it tame. Hahah. Although tame for me may not be tame for you… so beware! And I know the beginning couple is a bit controversial, but bear with me. I'm trying to resolve things! (But it seems I'm much better a fucking things up than resolving them.)

Sorry if I say fuck too much. -- I once tired to give it up for lent and failed miserably.

Love,

Mels

**Chapter Seventeen: Mamoru**

I couldn't sleep.

Even though winter was just around the corner, my apartment was stifling with heat. It was the type of heat the clung to your body, making everything—sheets, clothes, socks—feel like heavy weights. I was lying in my bed, hands folded behind my head, staring up at my ceiling. It was a vast mound of cement and plaster and paint boxing me into the mundane life I had created for myself. There was nothing I had left to look forward too. My reality had become counting down the hours, minutes, seconds until something significant would happen.

And here I sat, 4 a.m. on Monday morning breathing, living, feeling... nothing.

Even as I was lost in my thoughts, I could still hear her soft breathing next to me. She laid with her back to me, her nakedness evident even in the dark. Her hair tumbled down on the sheets next to me, her clothes were lost somewhere between my front door and the bed, her lipstick was still stained along my neck, like a mark of my wrongdoings to be hidden behind white collars tomorrow morning at work.

I sighed.

I felt disgusted with myself. Another woman, another night, all of them, every single one of them meant nothing to me.

Except for Usagi.

She had come to my door over a day ago, dressed in a short black dress with brown scuffed boots. Her golden hair was loose and hanging in ample curls. And with wide, navy eyes she had spoke with a wavering voice before I left her in the vacant lobby of my apartment complex. She didn't try to stop me, but I had cast her one last glance, full of regret and bitterness and too much longing to express. I couldn't stand seeing those eyebrows pitch in my direction, a look of sympathy sweeping across her gaze. I couldn't stand feeling the closing up in my chest, the vast cavern in my ribcage, leaving me feeling tired, worn... empty.

Unfulfilled.

Pointless.

_"What are you doing here, Usagi?" I had asked her, careful not to sound too hopeful or pressing._

_But I knew better the second she looked up at me. Her eyes spoke for her. She had come over to my apartment for the first time in her life, not to confirm my desire of feeling that same something that I had felt, but instead, to say goodbye._

_"I told Seiya about us," she said quietly, little hands fretfully playing with her hair._

_Us. Could you even use that word when describing Usagi and I? There was no us. There was just one frozen night together. Mistakes were made. I had kissed her. I had gone into her home. But I hadn't slept with her. She was too young... to goddamn young to know what she did to me. And it was my own fault for letting her do it to me. It was my own fault for opening up, even if it was for only one night._

_I waited for her response, teetering between despair and promise. Maybe it was over between them. Maybe I still had a chance…_

_"He… forgave me," she continued, smiling to herself softly—a sad smile. "And now he wants to be with me, officially and everything. I'm his… girlfriend now."_

_I turned away. I couldn't watch her anymore, framed in the doorway of the lobby, dressed all in black. Appropriate for a funeral, I had thought._

_"I just came by… so you would know… that nothing can happen between us again."_

_Again._

_Nothing could happen again._

_I had known that the moment I kissed her. But that one word gave me hope. Something HAD happened between us. She knew it and I knew it._

_Again and again and again and again..._

_I looked at her then, reaching out to take a hold of her chin. "I can't forget, Usa…" but I hadn't finished. I had stopped myself from selfishly telling her the honest truth: there was no way I would forget what happened between us and I knew she wouldn't be able to either. Instead, I had simply left her there, wanting closure from me, needing something I couldn't give her. She called out, "Mamoru?" but by then I had already opened up the door and started running up the first step. _

_I took all fifteen flights of stairs up to my apartment, where I had crash landed in my bed to lay for hours._

Suddenly I felt hands snake in around my chest, lips landing on my shoulder in a number of kisses.

"Mamoru," she mumbled, "It's so hot. Why are you still up?"

"I couldn't sleep," I grunted truthfully, letting her mouth slide up my neck, her tongue slipping into my ear.

"Poor little darling," she murmured, her voice husky. "Maybe you're still thinking of that little Usako, you know you cried out her name last night—"

"Fuck off," I growled, shoving at her so she would get away from me. I sat up on the side of the bed and put my head in my hands.

She crawled up behind me, yanking on my neck so I had to turn and look at her feline eyes, yellow even in the dark of the night. She had a wicked smile hidden on her lips as she leaned in to continue her attempts at seduction.

"It's okay," she whispered, teeth trailing along my jaw and landing heavily on my earlobe. "I don't mind pretending as long as you are still fucking _me_."

I pushed her away again, angry at myself more than at her. I had been drunk when I let her come up into my apartment earlier that night and I had been too goddamn lonely to stop her from creeping into my bed. But just like all the other times, it satisfied only a temporary desire and left me feeling even emptier than before.

"Aren't you getting married soon?" I said bitterly, standing up and heading towards the adjacent bathroom.

"Oh that's just business, darling," she said, laughing sinfully. "You know _you're _the only one I really want."

I turned on the faucet and splashed the cool water onto my face, running it through my hair and letting it drip down my arms and chest. It was shockingly cold, but it felt good. It was the only thing I had really felt since yesterday, when Usagi had buzzed my intercom and I heard her musical voice saying my name again. That moment had been an unstoppable high only to bring me here—feeling more full of self-hate and apathy than ever before. I needed anything I could to jolt me from this state of numbness I had fallen prey to yet again.

But there was nothing.

Beryl came into the bathroom behind me, naked save for the sheet she had pulled off the bed and held between one hand hovering near her knee. She was beautiful, yes, but she was twisted. Seeing her there like that in front of me made me disgusted with the whole situation. With me. With what I had done and kept doing. With her.

"Can't you put some clothes on?" I snapped, looking at her through the mirror. "You're making me sick."

She narrowed her eyes at me, letting the insult soak in for one, tense moment. "Fuck you," she seethed.

"You already did," I called out to her as she threw the sheet at me in rage. I heard her storm back into my room and start to gather her things.

"You know Mamoru, you're lucky to even have a woman like me," she hissed, as I turned around to watch her slip on the dress she was wearing earlier. "You're a sick bastard who's in love with a seventeen year old! Nobody could care for you! Nobody DOES!" With one long zip up the back, she stood there, barefoot in a wrinkled, gray dress. She looked smaller there, weaker somehow. Her hair was in gnarled tousles and her eyes were buried with the type of emotion I couldn't read in the dark.

Hurt, probably. Lonely, just like me. Wanting... needing love.

I ran my hands through my damp hair, picking up the sheet from the floor and looking from it to her. And I was bitter, so very bitter because it seemed, just as I would never have who I loved, neither would she.

"Just get out of here," I said tiredly, walking back towards my bed and sitting back down. "Go fuck your senator if you want some love."

She nearly snarled at me as she snatched her purse off of my bedside table and walked out into the hallway, her heels clutched in one hand. I didn't relax until I heard my front door open and slam with a definite bang. I pinched the bridge of my nose with two fingers, feeling the exhaustion wash over me. I had nothing left in me. I was all dried up.

I just didn't care anymore.

* * *

I opened my eyes when I heard someone banging on the front door of my apartment. I glanced over at my clock with blurry eyes and saw that it was already after 3 p.m. I hadn't even gone to work today or called in sick. I had been sleeping for over ten hours.

Grumbling, I finally hauled my ass out of bed and down the hallway to the front room.

I opened up the door to see Motoki standing there.

"Hey buddy," he said, nervously yanking on that ridiculous bow tie he wore as a part time driver for Makoto.

I raised an eyebrow and said, "What's the matter with you?"

"What's the matter with me? You look like the walking dead," he said honestly.

I rubbed my hand along the curve of my jaw, the grainy beard stubble rough on my skin. "Guess so," I admitted.

Motoki finally stepped into my lavish apartment, and I walked over towards the bar to pour myself a drink. "Gin and tonic?" I asked him and he shook his head.

"I don't drink, Mamoru, you know that..."

"You look like you need a drink," I said pouring him a glass anyway.

He relented and took the glass in one hand as he undid his jacket and threw it on my couch. "God Mamoru, your place is such a bachelor pad," he said, sinking down into one of my reclining chairs. "Is every piece of your furniture leather?"

I shrugged.

"Black leather?"

A small chuckle escaped my lips, more for his benefit than mine. One beat of silence passed before I asked, "So what are you doing here, Motoki?"

"I can't come over JUST to see you?" he asked, feigning offense.

I placed my hands evenly on the bar and looked at him from hooded eyes. "Come on, Motoki. Something is obviously bothering you."

Motoki half-smiled, finally unfastening his bowtie and leaving it hanging from his neck. "It's that obvious, huh?" He took a gulp of his drink and smacked his lips, wincing from the alcohol taste. "Something... happened... between Mako and I last night."

I raised an eyebrow but remained silent.

"She... she lost it. I feel like such a jackass. I almost made her cry."

My mind flashed to Usagi, eyes and nose red in the snow, small tears sliding down her cheeks. I tried to shake the thoughts of her from my mind, so I could focus on Motoki, but it was like trying to push away a tsunami with a fly swatter. "Well, what happened?" I asked.

"I mean, she was yelling at me, yanking my shirt and it just... it got out of control... I couldn't go after her. But somehow my body acted on its own and I found myself in her room... and it was just... I don't know what came over both of us. One second I was trying to comfort her, stroking her hair, and the next thing I know..." Motoki shrugged his shoulders and took a breath. "We were kissing."

"But what about Reika..." I said slowly, noticing the way Motoki hardly even registered my question.

"I knew I shouldn't have kissed her! I KNOW this. Everything in my logical brain was telling me no. She was emotional, I was worried...but...I didn't know what the hell to do." Motoki slumped his frame forward, resting his arms on his knees and bowing his head towards his drink. "I don't know what the hell to do."

"What about Reika?" I repeated hesitantly, rubbing my face with tired hands. I knew Motoki didn't want to talk about it, but I had to be the practical one in this situation. "Are you going to tell her?"

Motoki remained silent, hunched over his drink, hair dangling over his eyes.

"Motoki?" I prodded, feeling concerned at how he refused to answer my question. "Come on Motoki. What about Reika?"

His voice was quiet. "We broke up."

"What?"

"We broke up," Motoki said again, looking up at me with serious eyes. There was not one inkling of joy he was hiding. Usually, Motoki was the most positive guys I knew. He was always the one who could pull me out of my moody funk. He was happy. He was normal. He was my best friend.

"When, why?" I questioned, coming to sit near him on the couch.

He leaned back in the chair, head facing the ceiling, jaw clenched. "Four weeks ago. It was... it was my decision."

I was flabbergasted. In all my years of knowing Motoki he had never kept anything from me, let alone something as important as this. I eyed him warily, wondering if there were other parts of him I didn't know about. I tried to shake that feeling and focus on our current conversation, but it was still hovering in the back of my mind.

"So, that's it?" I asked, downing the rest of my drink. "You just kissed?"

Motoki chuckled. "At least I didn't fuck her, right?"

I laughed, remembering that Motoki had said the same thing to me the night I had kissed Usagi. I reached over and patted him on the shoulder, reacting automatically. "Well if she kissed you back, there must be something there," I said, but then froze when I digested my own words. I winced, thinking of Usagi again. Did I really mean that? Did that mean there had to be something coming from Usagi's end too?

"Yeah, I guess so," Motoki responded, downing the rest of his drink too. He made a face at the taste. "I don't know how you can drink so much of that stuff."

I laughed again, "Oh we're only getting started, my friend."

* * *

Mr. Tsukino was yelling. He had never really liked me to begin with. I could always tell by the way he stiffened when I entered a room, narrowing his brown eyes in my direction, as if he was speaking directly at me. _I own you, boy. Don't try and fuck around with me. _I was young and aggressive and I guess he always thought I was spearheading for his job. He was wrong of course. My ambition had drained away years ago.

He was mad that I missed work yesterday and hadn't bothered to call in. He also mentioned that I seemed a lot more lackluster than usual and that he didn't like my attitude. I only heard half of his words, each one blowing past my ears and through my empty mind. Until he said the word, "Usagi."

I jolted from my state of apathy and almost instantly my heart was jack hammering in my ears. Did he suspect anything? Was that the real reason he had called me into his office? Was it so he could fire me for being a sick bastard? _Oh God._ And just as the height of my panic was beginning to set in, two slender legs came into my field of vision, finished by a tiny pair of rose-colored wedges. I let my eyes trail up her body and land on her face, which was artfully avoiding my line of sight.

"Daddy... here are the papers I need you to sign to get me out of school for the week," she said, her voice like a baseball bat to my skull.

I straightened my slouched posture in the chairs opposite her father's large oak desk. My eyes were pinned to the side of her face, begging for just one glance in my direction. Mr. Tsukino hastily scribbled away on a number of papers she had handed to him and mumbled, "Why am I doing this again for you?"

"Because you're the best daddy in the world," she hummed sweetly, crossing over towards him so she could land a kiss on his right temple. Oh God, was she trying to kill me? "It's just a few days of school after all and very important... you know the girls..." her voice trailed off as her eyes landed on me.

I blinked once.

Twice.

The silence between us was unbearable.

Then she started up again, quickly darting her eyes away from me and out the window of our downtown Tokyo high-rise. "The girls need me," she finished softly.

"Well I hope this means you will study extra hard for your exams," Mr. Tsukino chided, looking sternly up at his daughter. She let one beaming smile slide onto her lips, and again they folded to meet his cheek in a loving kiss. Nobody, not even one of the most powerful business men in Tokyo could say no to those lips.

"Of course, papa! We are going to go look at some college campuses while we are in Germany..." She stood up, the papers clutched in one hand and turned to exit out of the office. "I'll see you at home tonight!" Again, her eyes met mine briefly before she walked out of my sight. I felt my heart sink into the bottom of my stomach, where it settled with the rest of my useless emotions. I heard the door open and then one last time, her voice saying, "I love you."

The door shut with a soft click.

I shut my eyes, savoring the words that weren't meant for me. _I love you._

_UsagiUsagiUsagiUsagiUsagi..._

When I opened my eyes, they were met with the untiring scowl of Mr. Tsukino. "Well, I'm through with you. Stop being so useless and get some work done," he said, turning to look out the window at the city roof tops. He was obviously distracted by thoughts of his daughter. _We're the same_, I thought, standing up stiffly and nodding in his direction. I reached the door and heard his chilling voice interrupt my muddled mind. "You better watch yourself, Chiba" he growled.

With one more nod, I opened up the door and left the stifling room. I took a deep breath, my back against his closed office door and let my eyes rest once more. Her smile was in my mind, filling me up with something indescribable. My apathy was spiraling into an exhausted depression. Even to see her for such a brief moment had me spent.

I needed to get the hell out of here.

I made my way towards the bathroom, hoping I could splash some cold water on my face and gather my senses again. I just had to get through the rest of the day, and then I could fall back into my bed and forget about everything. Our office was located in a towering skyscraper, the whole upper half of it dedicated to our business. Each floor was filled with rows and rows of cubicles and private offices and board rooms that lined every wall. I wormed my way through the cubicles and towards the elevators. I quickly turned down one dark hallway, which would lead to the small, removed bathrooms I liked since hardly anybody went to them. It was my one place of solitude in the hectic, fast-paced business world.

I rounded the corner towards the bathroom and felt something soft land right into my chest. I froze, surprised by my sudden encounter with someone in my lonely spot. Some unconscious part of my mind hoped it would be her, but I didn't allow myself to even think it before I got the chance to look down at my obstruction.

And there she was.

My blond little angel merely inches in front of me.

She let a small gasp escape her lips and I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

"Usagi..." I breathed.

_Why here? Why now? How was it that I always found her when I was trying to be alone?_

She looked up at me, my form towering over her in the narrow hallway. I thought she would be out of the building and hailing a cab already. I wasn't ready for a second encounter so soon; I was still shaking from our first.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. What I really wanted to ask her was about the other night. I wanted to ask her why she kissed me back, why she let me come into her house, if it meant anything to her at all. I wanted to ask her if I was out of my mind to think something was mutual between us.

"Oh... I... well I was just..." she stammered, twisting her fingers around the ends of her hair, just like she always did near me. After a few more failed attempts at an explanation, she fell silent.

There were no more words between us, but her navy eyes were like lighthouses in the dark. They remained locked on my gaze and she wasn't making any attempts to get past me back to the main office hallways. I found myself reaching out to her, wanting nothing more than to feel her skin against my rough fingers. My hand landed on her shoulder and she seemed to jump under my touch. My own emotions were in a torrent of overwhelming heat, and I found myself being bolder because of it. My hand ghosted over her bare shoulders, up her slender neck and towards her mouth. Softly, with little pressure, I swept my thumb over her bottom lip and she seemed to shiver. I took this as a sign to take a step closer to her.

"Why aren't you running away?" I questioned, but she didn't seem to hear me, so intense was her stare.

I realized that she was moving slowly, taking small steps away from me. I followed her, closing the gap between us as she continuously backed up, my breath lodged somewhere in my throat, constricting my ability to even _think_ let alone comprehend what I was feeling. And then there was no where left for her to go; she stopped when she was pressed up against the end of the hallway, eyes wide and pinned on me in such a way that left my insides on fire.

Her voice was like warm milk. "Mamoru..."

It was all I needed.

I placed my hands on the wall on either side of her, suddenly feeling brave enough to speak honestly with her. This was my one chance to wake the hell up and find out the truth from her. Would there ever be a time where we were alone again?

"Tell me it meant nothing to you. Tell me it was a mistake. Tell me you didn't want it too," I said swiftly, dipping my head down towards her.

"What?" she asked, bewildered my strange line of demands. Her breath hit my lips and I felt a round of chills sweep through my body.

"Tell me no," I whispered. "Tell me there's nothing between us."

She remained silent, eyes meeting mine as I hovered hungrily over her, giving her one last chance to lie. Her lips were my entire focus, waiting for them to part and utter the words I didn't want to hear. I watched them, letting the silence filter in between us. And still she said nothing.

_There has to be something come from her end. It's not all one-sided._

"That's what I thought," I said smugly, finally straightening up and standing in front of her. A sense of accomplishment flooded my senses. We shared one night together, and even if it could never happen again, at least it _meant_ something. At least, in the foggy, abandoned battlefield of my life, there was one fight that had been worth something.

I was about to turn around and walk away, when suddenly she had grabbed ahold of my tie with nervous hands. I looked from her hand down towards her, where she remained pressed up against the backend of a hallway, giant eyes never leaving my face. I could feel the air between us, the anticipation of what I wanted to do was rolling through me in waves, and here she was again. Not saying anything to me. Not saying no.

And reaching out to me.

_She has a boyfriend_, I reminded myself, noticing the way her hand was trembling. _She's too young for you._

And I thought about what I had told Motoki only a day earlier. I thought about her running into my arms in the cold night. I thought about her reaching her hands up to my face, tracing the line of my jaw with her thumb before leaning up on the tips of her toes to kiss me. She had wanted it too. She had wanted it just like I did.

And the next thing I knew, we were kissing. Mouth and tongue and lips warm and wet. We bumped into the corner of the hallway, hands finding the undersides of shirts and then finally touching warm skin. I shivered at the feeling of her stomach under my fingertips and the slight pressure increase as she inhaled. I let myself savor each touch—the feeling of my knuckle sliding up her ribcage, the feeling of my mouth finding the corner of her lip, the feeling of my palm bending into the groove of her hipbone. Lovingly, I touched her. Lovingly, I devoured her.

She dragged me towards the private bathroom to our left and I let her, God did I let her, because the fire in her eyes that she always shared with me and only me was alive and sparkling. It was like our fiercest round of debates, which always left me tingling from end to end, but now I was in complete overload. I was drowning in her scent, her taste, everything I had ever wanted happening to me again. And once we were truly alone in the small confines of the bathroom, all my anxiety seemed to vanish. There were no worries about her father, about her boyfriend, about the world looking in on us. All that was left was her and I.

Usagi and Mamoru.

Nothing more.

Nothing less.

And it was enough to fill me up.

**A/N:**

Alright, sorry Seiya fans. Mamoru wins this round. YOU CAN'T STOP DESTINY. Okay, maybe you can if you flex your fiction minds hard enough.

As I'm sure you noticed, it seems the girls are planning a trip to Germany... more details on that coming up in the Usagi chapter. And yes, it will be the last one. THE LAST CHAPTER OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITHOUT ME?! I think after this story, I may go on a little vacation from writing and just focus on my art. Who knows though...? I have this idea for an epic story swimming in my mind...

Thank you for all of your reviews. I appreciate them more than you can realize. YOU are the ones who made this story what it is. I took many of your suggestions and made them a reality, so thank you again for all of your support, ideas, and general AWESOME SUPER HERO ABILITIES. (But let's be honest, you're super hero abilities can't be a cool as mine.)

;-)

Come visit me at my sketchblog. If you want.

Love,

Mels


	18. Chapter Eighteen: Usagi

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Sailor Moon.

**A/N:**

You don't all hate me... do you?! I'm sorry this update took so goddamn long. You didn't all abandon me...right? I feel like my life has been one crazy roller coaster ride since I last posted. I moved into an apartment with my boyfriend and it is GORGEOUS. We have a pool and a hot tub and a fireplace and pretty wood floors and I got to go to IKEA and goddddd. Then school started (so much homework!) and I went to New Mexico to visit my family and things have just been so very crazy. ;; forgive me?

Okay but here it is... the one you've all been waiting for...

(This chapter was so hard for me to write.)

THE LAST AND FINAL CHAPTER OF AWESOMENESS.

Love,

Mels

**Chapter Eighteen: Usagi**

"Do you have to go?"

Mamoru's voice was soft and dark. I loved the way it seemed to roll through me every time he talked. I looked over to where he was lying down, propping his head up with one arm as the other draped lazily over his sheets. They were the same sheets I had spent the majority of last night in. I felt my face flush with memories only minutes old by now as I eyed the bends in the fabric and the way the sheets trailed over one side of the bed. I could still taste his mouth, feel his hands on my body, in between my legs, down my back...

_He is absolutely divine._

I sent him a smile to try and ease his discomfort as I hunted for my lost shoes. "You know I have to go. My private jet will be leaving soon and even though the other girls know about the trip we still have to surprise Ami—" I was cut off when he had grabbed a hold of my shoulder and spun me around to face him. Surprised that he had risen without me knowing, I did nothing against his next move. He captured my mouth with his, making me gasp against his lips. I felt myself forgetting the private jet, the trip to Germany and my shoes, one which I had clutched in my right hand, as his lips continued their assault. He had a dizzying affect on me, wiping away all my thoughts that didn't center around the vast amount of pleasure I was receiving by his rather talented mouth...

"You taste too good to leave me..." he murmured, now running his lips down my neck, sucking on all the little spots that made me inhale sharply.

"I have to go..." I said weakly, as he began to get more forceful with his kisses, backing me up against his dresser so he could pin me against it. My betraying body reacted against my will, and I felt myself responding to his touches with whimpers and pleadings to continue, despite my vocal protests. His hot wet mouth was now hovering over my ear, and he ran his tongue down the length of my neck and I found myself mumbling, "Oh God Mamoru..."

I felt him growl against my collarbone and he more fiercely pressed his body up against mine. "I love when you say my name," he said hoarsely as I tried not to notice that my hands were creeping up around his neck so I could thread my fingers through his hair.

"Aren't you sick of me yet?" I teased quietly, "You've had me all day and all night..."

"I could never get enough of you," he replied, his voice low and heated, like I could reach out and stroke it from his throat. I chanced a glance at his eyes, and found that they were hot and dark with something indescribable, something lustful and hungry and deep. I shivered under his intense gaze and then we were kissing again, hard and fast and fierce, as he lifted one of my legs up, so his length was against me. My back was pressed painfully into one of the dresser's knobs, but I found myself hardly caring. I hinged my leg around his waist and once again I was buried in the delicious and desperate need I had to touch every inch of him. I knew I shouldn't forget but it was so hard to remain focused...

"Mamoru..." I pleaded once more with my sanity, trying to remind myself that there would be plenty of time for this when I returned from my trip. With one glance over his shoulder at his glowing, red, alarm clock, I jolted from my state of longing. 5:34 a.m. I had less than an hour to gather all the girls and be outside of Ami's condo before she left for her flight. Goddamnit...Tearing my mouth away from his, I managed to sputter, "I'm soooo late, I really have to go now..."

Mamoru breathed through his teeth which came out as a hiss. I scrambled away from him and attempted to gather the rest of my belongings. "I'll be back in a week, and it won't even really be that long if you don't count today as the day I'm leaving and the day I'm coming back and then there will be school of course but that doesn't mean that I'll—" My rambling was cut short when I saw the look on Mamoru's face. He was still standing where I had left him in front of the dresser, and he was sulking in my absence, adorable and moody. His eyes were still hot with the type of emotion that made my stomach flip, and I saw him slouching visibly.

I managed to slide my rose-colored wedges on and then I walked up to him, still having to stand up on tiptoes to meet his mouth, which I kissed softly. "You'll still be here waiting for me when I return, right?" I whispered, already knowing the answer.

"I'll always wait for you," he said roughly, his voice like coarse gravel, sending more shivers down my back. Oh how I wanted to stay and indulge in the delicious experience of having him take me again and again all night long, with that dark delicious voice of his detailing all his desires of me. "I've waited four goddamn years I can wait another—"

I disrupted his slew of words by saying, "You don't have to wait anymore, Mamoru. I'm yours."

His features seemed to soften at my words and I quickly gave him one last kiss before swirling around and leaving Mamoru abruptly. I didn't look back as I slung my bag over my shoulder and started walking swiftly away from him. I knew the sight of him brooding in the darkness of his room at 5:30 in the morning, wearing nothing but his boxers would have me running back to him. So I just called over my shoulder, making sure my voice was clear and bright. "Until then, Mamoru..."

And then I was out the door.

* * *

"Why the fuck is it so early?" Minako demanded.

We were all standing outside of Ami's luxurious condo in the cold, waiting for her to come down with all her bags packed for her trip to Germany to check out the school she would be attending. Of course she thought she would be traveling alone with her mother but I had managed to persuade daddy to lend us one of the company jets instead. After the terrible night when Ami had confessed her desire to go to Europe, and I had felt the pieces of our friendship crumbling away, I had made a decision. I knew things could continue to deteriorate between our entire group unless I swooped in and did something drastic. When I had announced my plans to the other girls, they had been resistant at frist. But I needed to do this. I needed to know that even if Ami did chose to go away, even if we all ended up in different places in our lives, nothing would have to change between us all. We could make the effort to see one another and remain friends.

"Of course it's early," Mako hummed thoughtfully as she rubbed her hands together. "Ami isn't one to pick a flight time for a decent hour..."

Minako grumbled in agreement as Rei nudged her with her elbow. "What are you complaining for? You were up all night anyway..." Rei accused her, daring Minako to deny it.

"How exactly would you know that, Rei?" Mako shot, smirking at her dark-haired friend.

"Because she's a devious little devil," Minako said lightly, allowing the briefest of smiles to ghost over her lips before it broke out into a full-fledged grin. "Anyway, you're not one to talk, Mako! I saw who was sleeping on your couch when we came over to pick you up this morning..."

"So what?" Mako scoffed, "Motoki and I stayed up late watching a horror fest of movies and then fell asleep in the midst of it..."

"Fell asleep NEXT TO ONE ANOTHER!" Minako crowed, poking her tall friend on the shoulder. "I'm sure sometime during the night there was some upper-body spooning—"

Minako was cut off when Mako very painfully jabbed her elbow into Minako's ribs. "Shut the hell up," she growled. Minako winced and for once in her life she actually did shut the hell up.

I smiled to myself, watching the interactions between my friends. I felt so much better seeing us all together like this. This was how it was supposed to be. This was what I remembered. My freshmen year of high school was filled with this kind of playful conversation, where we butted into each others personal business like it was our God-given right. And wasn't it? After all our years together, didn't we deserve to know about the deepest corners of each other's lives?

Suddenly I was drawn from my reflections when I heard two distant voices approaching.

"Ohmigod!" I squealed, already unfurling the large banner I had made. "It's them, it's them! Come on you guys, help me with this sign..."

Rei sighed as she reached down to hold up one corner of the silk cloth I had prepared with the words "Ami-chan! Woo-hoo!" in big cutout felt characters. "I don't see why you made this ridiculous sign..." she drawled annoyingly.

"It's in support of Ami!" I hissed, tugging rather hard on my corner of the banner. "We are here to show her how much we care!"

"And your awful sewing skills?" Rei continued dryly, looking down at my sign with her nose in the air.

Okay. So maybe some of the characters were crooked. Some of them, yes, were sort of kind of falling off. And I had ran out of room at the end so the last strokes were squished together, but who cares?! It was made with all my love and I'm sure Ami would appreciate my efforts. I decided to ignore Rei's comment by trying to smooth out the curling edge of my my last character.

"Okay, here she comes!" I called. With one shove, I launched the rest of the girls out from behind the stone wall we were waiting by and we all collided into one another as we tried to evenly spread out across the walkway.

"Stop tugging on it!" Mako demanded.

"Well stop hogging all of the sign!" Minako shot back.

"You're standing on my foot," Rei said loudly.

Then we all turned to see Ami, who was standing in front of us, frozen in front of our sign, her lips parted in surprise. Her mother too, looked quite shocked to be bombarded by all of us at the same time, but I gave her my most winning smile. Nobody could resist that smile.

"Ami-chan!" I said, waving with my free hand. "Woo-hoo!"

* * *

"I still can't believe this," Ami murmurred in awe, as she finally took her seat across the aisle from me.

I couldn't blame her for being overwhelmed with everything. The jet, while on the small side, was still very luxurious. There were only a total of 8 seats in the craft, but each was wide and spacious, and they all faced one another, giving us ample time to talk through the long flight to Germany. There was a bar near the front of the captains cabin, and a large plasma screen in both directions, currently playing some shitty music video. Our flight attendant was swiftly getting us drinks as we all settled into the plush seats next to one another.

I cocked a smile at Ami's mother, who looked even more awed with her surroundings, as she took a seat across from Ami. Mako was securing her seat belt with shaking hands but I saw Ami reach out to her in comfort. Rei and Minako were in some sort of fierce conversation, in low voices in the two seats across from me. I felt a deep pride well up inside of me, knowing that I had brought us all together like this. If it weren't for me, where would we be now?

I sighed contently, leaning back in my chair and smiling. My friends all seemed happy and I had many hours ahead of me where I could just daydream about how loving and attentive Mamoru had been last night...

"What are you smirking about over there?" Minako's clear voice interrupted my thoughts.

I felt my face flush as I quickly said, "Nothing."

"Oh my God," Minako accused me, a challenging grin gracing her lips. "You're thinking about something devious!"

"I am not!" I snapped, shooting a look to Ami's mother in fear that she would discover just who I had been with and somehow tell my father about it. Luckily she hadn't seemed to hear anything.

"Well that only confirms it then," Minako said lazily, winking across the aisle at Mako, who was looking at me curiously. "Tell me it's Seiya."

I sucked in a breath tightly, trying to unwind the spring that fired off in my mind at the thought of him. Suddenly several memories came rushing back to me, about how drunk I had gotten the night of Ami's breakdown, and how afterward, I had found Seiya and unleashed all my fumbled thoughts onto him. I had told him about going to Mamoru's apartment to end things with him and how it made me feel like I was losing something I couldn't define. But it was something. Something I didn't want to lose. There had been yelling and crying and there had been things I said which I probably shouldn't have. And by the end of the night, we were no longer together, and I had felt that I lost not only one, but two guys in my life that had meant a great deal to me in less than 24 hours. Of course, that was before Mamoru pinned me in the back of the hallway at his office...

"It's not Seiya," I finally admitted, my voice soft as I looked out towards the window, where I could see other planes taking casual circles along the runway. I hesitated a moment in consideration about what I was about to say. "We actually aren't together anymore. I think this time we won't be getting back together..."

There was an unsettled silence that filtered across the cabin and I concentrated on the distant hum of the airplane's belly.

"OH MY GOD," Minako suddenly burst, unclicking her seat belt so she could rush over to the empty seat next to me. She grabbed a hold of my hands on the arm rest between us and swiftly began talking. "Why didn't you tell me earlier? What happened? Did he dump you or did you dump him? Was it because he wouldn't call you his girlfriend? Was there someone else? Are you okay now? You don't even seem that upset about it!"

Her words shot past me and seemed to bounce inside of my head instead of sinking in. I started to answer her fist question when Rei suddenly interrupted. "I know why she's not upset about it," she purred. I darted my eyes to my ebony-haired friend as she watched me coyly. I knew with one look that she was thinking of Mamoru too. _Oh God._ She continued, her voice like silk. "Do I really have to say his name for you to admit it?"

Minako was looking at me expectantly, her eyes twinkling at the thought of me with another guy. I chanced glances at my other two companions and confirmed that they were all waiting for my confession, ready to hear what I had to say. Luckily Ami's mother was currently busy plugging her headphones into her ipod and accepting a glass of wine from the flight attendant with a gracious smile.

I wanted to swallow it up. I wanted to keep it a secret from everyone in fear of what they would think about me or about Mamoru or about us together. But it dawned on me, as I tried to analyze their expressions, that they were all here together because of me. I had brought us all together again, so we could try and mend what all the years had broken. We had been friends for our entire lives, and if I wanted to start being honest with myself then I couldn't draw the line when it came to being honest with my friends.

"It's Mamoru," I finally said, feeling like I had let out a breath I had been holding for several years.

I thought we would all fall into an awkward silence once again but this time it was Ami who surprised me. "I knew it!" she said, smiling at me in approval.

"How did you know?" I gasped, swirling around to face her. I watched my other friends reactions to see if they felt the same way.

"It's obvious, Usagi!" Mako interjected, grinning in that signature Mako manner. "You two were like fierce rivals that couldn't wait to get all over each other and rip off each other's clothes..."

"Mako," Ami warned, nudging Mako in the ribs while motioning to her mother, who could have been listening in. Mako chuckled sheepishly and I turned my attention to Rei, who had remained mostly silent since my final confession.

"So... are you okay with this?" I asked quietly, trying to catch her eyes.

Minako was settling herself back in next to Rei and I saw them exchange a private glance before Rei looked over at me briefly. "You can do what you want, Usagi... Just... don't get your heart broken—"

I cut in, launching myself out of my seat so I could hug her awkwardly as she remained sitting. "Oh God, Rei-chan. I was so worried about telling you because of everything but I just wanted to be honest..."

She growled in the back of her throat as she unlatched my arms from around her neck. "If you would _kindly_ stop _suffocating_ me, _Usagi_!!"

I laughed, and then it was like a contagious bug. All four of my friends started laughing, even Rei, and soon we couldn't seem to stop. I felt the roll of the engine starting below us, as the laughter we all shared seemed to fill me up, warming me from head to feet.

I knew then that despite the distance, despite the differences between us all, despite our past or future, we'd be able to get through it as long as we were all still willing. And even through all the fuckups and the sorrow and the unforgivable mistakes we may make... And even though we would always be molded by our pasts together, both good and bad...And even if we did end up in different corners of the world... it didn't matter. We could make the effort. We could laugh together about nothing at all and not be able to stop. We could fly across the oceans to see each other.

We were lucky enough.

What were private jets for, after all?

**A/N:**

The end!

Promptly after this they all DIED IN A PLANE WRECK. No I'm kidding. I gave you a sort of happy ending so you better APPRECIATE IT. I kind of don't like the ending. I've told you before that I'm much better at fucking everything up than fixing it all. That probably explains why there are some loose ends... but the most important thing is that you know these girls have a future together.

Thank you everyone who has reviewed this story. I may be posting some tantalizing snipets of my secret writing soon (shhh!)... so keep your eyes peeled for me! Love you all!

Come visit me at mmmels dot livejournal dot com.


End file.
